I don't get crushes on people anymore

[QueenOfTheRats]

I don't think i'm aromantic because I have had VERY strong romantic feelings in the past. The problem is, that was a really long time ago. If I'm honest with myself, I have no had a crush on anyone in 3 years, and it wasn't even a strong crush at that. Before that, my last crush was in 2007, and it's 2017 now...

 

I have depression too, and I'm actually worried that there might be something wrong with me physically because my libido has also tanked in the last few years also. It might also be society chipping away at my self esteem. Society seems to say that love can not exist without sex, and I'm afraid I might be starting to believe it too. It's really depressing, nobody makes me excited or happy to be alive anymore.

 

I feel cheated. I'm not aromantic, and I need romantic love in my life.

 

Sorry for the sad sack rant, but I had to tell somebody, and I thought maybe ace people might understand better than most.Can anyone relate? I'm very interested in your theories on this.

 

If this has ever happened to you, how did you recover?

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

I've never been sexual and have no "need" to be, as for being romantic I have not loved anyone for 9 years  and I'm in my late 20's. I'm not depressed and see no "need" to be checked out as I'm happy for who I am and not upset at any point of the day or night. Love can exist without sex it's just that many in this age assume many want it and desire it, I never have desired it. Most of society will pressure you to be what they expect causing depression and more, for this reason I have not shared it with everyone that I  rather remain single because i do not want a relationship and I have no "need" for one, it's just how many are used to seeing everyone around them so I think it's just an ingrained idea among many of those who have not really heard of asexuality.

[Guest]

I don't get crushes at all nor had i the desire to have a romantic relationship, I'm open to one but not really looking for one.

 

Sex isn't mandatory for me in a relationship but the hopes of finding someone equal is kinda...faint.

[QueenOfTheRats]

15 hours ago, Shieldmaiden WinterDragon said:

I've never been sexual and have no "need" to be, as for being romantic I have not loved anyone for 9 years  and I'm in my late 20's. I'm not depressed and see no "need" to be checked out as I'm happy for who I am and not upset at any point of the day or night. Love can exist without sex it's just that many in this age assume many want it and desire it, I never have desired it. Most of society will pressure you to be what they expect causing depression and more, for this reason I have not shared it with everyone that I  rather remain single because i do not want a relationship and I have no "need" for one, it's just how many are used to seeing everyone around them so I think it's just an ingrained idea among many of those who have not really heard of asexuality.

Don't you get lonely though? Romantic love would be nice, but I know that I really just desire closeness with others. Right now I feel really separate from the rest of humanity. I would really like to find ways to feel more connected.

[EggplantWitch]

Firstly: I know a little of what you're going through, and it sucks majorly. I'm really sorry.

 

Secondly: I actually DO think this could be as a result of your depression. I know that a drop in libido is a pretty common symptom, as well as being a side-effect of some of the types of medication used to treat it if you're taking any. Depression could also explain why you haven't had a crush in a while - as far as I know, a crush is about seeing all the best in someone and being attracted to that, but when you're depressed you're not inclined to see the best in anything.

 

I don't know what I can offer in the way of advice, other than to get professional help if you can and haven't already. A good therapist can halt depression at worst and help you fight it at best, and they might be able to help you get out of the unhealthy mindset that you need romantic love. Seeking it out because you want to is much better for you and anyone you might end up with! Whatever you choose or can manage to get your hands on, I hope you feel better soon.

[Lady Yate-xel]

I could have written this post for the most part, damn. I've been Googling 'don't have crushes anymore' and variations on that for a year or more now and just keep getting people having the opposite problem: 'tee hee, am I too old to have a crush? I have them all the time! How do I stop having them?'

 

 

I've been thinking it's just that I don't meet many new people now, or I'm older than the last time I crushed, so maybe I'm more mature and selective, but I wonder too if I've just internalized things that were initially meant to help me years ago and have now shut things down, like, 'Don't bother, none of the people you might like are available and certainly none of them are asexual, so they won't be able to care about you.  You feel nothing, carry on.'

 

I haven't fixed my problem, so I can't help with yours, but I'm oddly relived to find someone else who thought they'd broken something.  I hope something clicks into place for both of us! 

[Fabulous Mermaid]

Wow, that's actually kind of like me. I stopped getting crushes after my second relationship (except for a tiny, lingering on-and-off crush on one of my fave fictional characters that I can't quite explain). It's weird because at around the time I was supposed to enter my boy-crazy phase or whatever, I stopped being interested in romance. I'm a bit conflicted because on the one hand, I kinda think I only ever wanted a romantic relationship because that's what everyone wanted/was supposed to want, but on the other hand, I don't want to say any of my old crushes weren't real or that I've never had romantic feelings. I'm not entirely certain what's up with that whole thing, but it doesn't really bug me too much. Even if I do get a crush on someone later, I probably won't act on it because in the end I really just want to live with my sibling. But who knows, maybe my opinion on this will change?

 

One curiosity I have about your case: what was it about the people you used to crush on that you liked? Have you met anyone since you stopped crushing that had those qualities? If not, it may just be that you haven't met anyone recently that's your type. But I guess that's probably pretty unlikely, since you say this has been going on for 3 years.

[QueenOfTheRats]

On 5/5/2017 at 3:55 PM, Lady Yate-xel said:

I could have written this post for the most part, damn. I've been Googling 'don't have crushes anymore' and variations on that for a year or more now and just keep getting people having the opposite problem: 'tee hee, am I too old to have a crush? I have them all the time! How do I stop having them?'

 

 

I've been thinking it's just that I don't meet many new people now, or I'm older than the last time I crushed, so maybe I'm more mature and selective, but I wonder too if I've just internalized things that were initially meant to help me years ago and have now shut things down, like, 'Don't bother, none of the people you might like are available and certainly none of them are asexual, so they won't be able to care about you.  You feel nothing, carry on.'

 

I haven't fixed my problem, so I can't help with yours, but I'm oddly relived to find someone else who thought they'd broken something.  I hope something clicks into place for both of us! 

Wow, our problems are very similar. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

 

I'm 30 in May and I'm really hoping some psychological shift will happen this decade, because I really don't want to die alone. Lately I have been feeling like nobody relates, and its annoying seeing sexual people get crushes so easily. On the other side of things, there seem to be a lot of asexual people who are not at all troubled by being single. I feel like I'm in a no man's land.

 

I hope you have a breakthrough too. I think it's possible. We have the rest of our lives to be different from how we are now.

[QueenOfTheRats]

3 minutes ago, Fabulous Mermaid said:

Wow, that's actually kind of like me. I stopped getting crushes after my second relationship (except for a tiny, lingering on-and-off crush on one of my fave fictional characters that I can't quite explain). It's weird because at around the time I was supposed to enter my boy-crazy phase or whatever, I stopped being interested in romance. I'm a bit conflicted because on the one hand, I kinda think I only ever wanted a romantic relationship because that's what everyone wanted/was supposed to want, but on the other hand, I don't want to say any of my old crushes weren't real or that I've never had romantic feelings. I'm not entirely certain what's up with that whole thing, but it doesn't really bug me too much. Even if I do get a crush on someone later, I probably won't act on it because in the end I really just want to live with my sibling. But who knows, maybe my opinion on this will change?

 

One curiosity I have about your case: what was it about the people you used to crush on that you liked? Have you met anyone since you stopped crushing that had those qualities? If not, it may just be that you haven't met anyone recently that's your type. But I guess that's probably pretty unlikely, since you say this has been going on for 3 years.

You know what is great about fictional crushes? They can't have sex with you. When I was in high school I had a huge crush on a boy, who instinctively seemed different from other boys. I thought maybe he was like me, asexual. Later on he came out as gay, and it was a harsh reminder that, "oh, nobody is like me." I think a big part of that crush was that he didn't seem very sexually involved, which in a strange way is a relaxing energy to be around. Maybe a bit like how you feel about your fictional characters?

 

I don't know how to describe the people I've crushed on: spooky, I guess. Not really in a goth way, but more like "there is more to this person than they let on" kind of way. My relationships have all kind of been somewhat unhealthy though, so that might be a psychological deterrent for wanting to get into another one.

[Fabulous Mermaid]

It is true, crushing on a fictional character is nice in that sense. There's no risk of boundaries being crossed. I'm sorry all your relationships have turned out poorly. The worst thing I have to deal with is pretty simple: I'm still good friends with my ex, but he still has a crush on me, so half of what I say has to be some subtle form of 'no' sometimes. I generally invite my sibling to hang out with us so that it can't be a date, hehe. On days when he's particularly flirty, I end up a little uncomfortable and don't want to read shipfics for a few days... If something so small can deter me from romantic things, it must be crazy what an unhealthy relationship like that could do to a person. I can't blame you for having reservations.

[Lady Yate-xel]

11 hours ago, QueenOfTheRats said:

Wow, our problems are very similar. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

 

I'm 30 in May and I'm really hoping some psychological shift will happen this decade, because I really don't want to die alone. Lately I have been feeling like nobody relates, and its annoying seeing sexual people get crushes so easily. On the other side of things, there seem to be a lot of asexual people who are not at all troubled by being single. I feel like I'm in a no man's land.

 

I hope you have a breakthrough too. I think it's possible. We have the rest of our lives to be different from how we are now.

Well,I wrote a reply earlier, but it doesn't seem to have taken, so let's try again! 

 

I'm 30, haha! Though I spent all of 29 really startled that I was going to BE 30, so I feel like I've done thirty twice.  

 

My fear is that this IS the psychological shift, but I hope not.  I've gone on dates and met people that I felt should trigger something, like I look objectively and it's like, 'yeah, you should be into that,' but there's nothing.   (And then I feel terrible that I'm asexual but still want to find my partner attractive, like I'm not allowed to do that as much as I'm not allowed to be lonely.)

 

  I feel the same thing you do - I see people post that they're lonely and all the replies are like, 'well, I don't need people/am fine on my own, so I can't relate'. And that's great and all, I feel like a whole person too, but it doesn't stop me feeling lonely. It makes me feel like I'm not asexual enough because I get lonely.  And then I see my brother with a girl he met a few months ago and he's introducing her to everyone and not spending time with me anymore and I'm just left wondering how he does it (or thinking that he's faking, which was my assumption about every relationship I saw until I realized that the rest of the world wasn't asexual). 

[miauw]

On 5/5/2017 at 5:37 AM, QueenOfTheRats said:

I don't think i'm aromantic because I have had VERY strong romantic feelings in the past. The problem is, that was a really long time ago. If I'm honest with myself, I have no had a crush on anyone in 3 years, and it wasn't even a strong crush at that. Before that, my last crush was in 2007, and it's 2017 now...

 

I have depression too, and I'm actually worried that there might be something wrong with me physically because my libido has also tanked in the last few years also. It might also be society chipping away at my self esteem. Society seems to say that love can not exist without sex, and I'm afraid I might be starting to believe it too. It's really depressing, nobody makes me excited or happy to be alive anymore.

 

I feel cheated. I'm not aromantic, and I need romantic love in my life.

 

Sorry for the sad sack rant, but I had to tell somebody, and I thought maybe ace people might understand better than most.Can anyone relate? I'm very interested in your theories on this.

 

If this has ever happened to you, how did you recover?

I can completely relate.

 

I have been struggling with clinical depression for ten years now and my normally pretty low libido has almost disappeared, which I actually don't mind at all. What I did mind is that for the same 10 years I also have not had a single crush or shown any interest at all in anyone. Admittedly, during half of this period I had an on-again-off-again mess of a relationship/engagement, the beginning of which predates the depression, so I don't count it as relevant.

The thing is, depression does kill your sex drive and apparently your romantic drive as well. I didn't get crushes very often even before the depression, but I was at least able to appreciate a guy in theory - as in, I may not have a crush on him but I could imagine being interested in him. During the worst depressive episodes I don't think I even noticed that people existed as more than something I sadly have to deal with, which is not an attitude conductive to developing crushes. Realising that I feel incapable of being interested in anyone was a pretty crushing blow some months ago and I had the second worst depressive period in my life. Because I also need to feel the emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship and a future where I couldn't even like someone enough to even think about a relationship seemed pretty bleak.

 

That being said, five months ago, after I hit rock-bottom and my sister had to fly in from another country to check if I am still alive, I had no choice but to fight my way back to life. I have since made enormous progress with overcoming my depression and worked very hard on resolving some of the issues which cause it. Nowadays I am a functional member of society, if not a happy one, which seemed impossible half a year ago.

 

And as a side effect of partially overcoming my depression - guess who is currently crushing harder than ever?

Just as I was starting to accept that I will be alone for the rest of my life, I meet this guy, who works at the office where I did an internship, we have a short conversation, he smiles brightly at me and suddenly, huh, butterflies?!

 

I am not saying it's a happily ever after, but it's a sincere (and strong) interest on my part, which is a good start. So there is light at the end of the tunnel and it's not the oncoming train.

My advice: work on overcoming your depression and find a way to deal with the roots of it, not just the symptoms. Force yourself to work on it, to do something, to do everyday the things that used to be fun and make you happy, even when all you want to do is curl up in bed and pretend you don't exist. The rest will sort itself out.

 

*hugs*

[gaogao]

Hmm, I don't know if this is related but I used to feel somewhat similarly a couple of years ago.

 

The difference is that even though I consider myself somewhat romantic, I very rarely got crushes on people throughout my life. Until I was around 26 I'd never really been bothered by it, except to be weirded out that crushes were a such a big/common thing for other people. At around 25-26 though, I became very depressed and it was getting more and more apparent that all my friends were pairing off or disappearing into long-term relationships - which made me feel even weirder and left out. My family lives in another country so I had nothing to come home to and no friends to hang out with except those who wanted to talk about their relationship problems (which I couldn't identify with), and I was feeling really, really lonely.

 

I don't think I was craving a romantic connection in particular, but being depressed, I really wanted to care about someone and know that person cared about me in the same way. I wanted someone to put me first and I wanted to have someone I could rely on to share my life with, and I started feeling really afraid of dying alone. Thing is, I wasn't attracted to anyone, I'd never had a libido and I didn't even know where to start in explaining this to my friends or finding companionship. In truth, I don't think I wanted to crush on anyone, I hated myself enough to think I didn't deserve a relationship and I never felt like I'd needed a partner in the past, so I questioned myself a lot about what I wanted. I think I just ended up being upset that sex and romance were things that seemed to be required in order to build an exclusive partnership/relationship with someone. At my lowest I felt hopeless and thought I would be alone and misunderstood for the rest of my life, which led to even worse thoughts....

 

On the other hand... now It's been a couple of years and I am actually in a romantic(?) relationship. I don't feel like I ever had an intense or real crush on my partner - our relationship grew out of a 5 year friendship and she was the one who admitted she had a crush on me... but I do love her (a lot!!). It's usually nice that we have such important parts in each others' lives, but sometimes I still have my reservations about the whole thing - especially my insecurity about my lack of "attraction" to her - but I don't know if that's because of my depression or because mixed relationships are inherently difficult... but that's a thing.

 

Idk if this is anything you can relate to, but I thought it seemed somewhat similar from a slightly different point of view.

[Busrider]

Analyzing my own case: Life has changed. - While I loitered college, there were sometimes boring lectures and a crowd of 150+x occasionally changing students to look at. - Not too hard to spot somebody who looked promising and hoping to get to know them a bit better.

My last major crush was 9 years ago. Classic online dating with meetup & wow! She is so awesome! (OK, the first time I stumbled across her profile I filed her under "beyond my reach impressive" but later she messaged me...)

 

I think I can still like people a lot. They are just usually taken or aromantic or don't cross my path long and close enough to get noticed.

IDK how to define crush. - "If I was braver and more creative I'd try flirting with them"?

 

I'm simply damn good at avoiding to meet interesting people in a relaxed atmosphere. I work evenings / nights during the week, sleep through my weekends, don't go out anymore, rather stay online... So basically: There is nobody to develop  a crush on.

[QueenOfTheRats]

16 hours ago, miau said:

I can completely relate.

 

I have been struggling with clinical depression for ten years now and my normally pretty low libido has almost disappeared, which I actually don't mind at all. What I did mind is that for the same 10 years I also have not had a single crush or shown any interest at all in anyone. Admittedly, during half of this period I had an on-again-off-again mess of a relationship/engagement, the beginning of which predates the depression, so I don't count it as relevant.

The thing is, depression does kill your sex drive and apparently your romantic drive as well. I didn't get crushes very often even before the depression, but I was at least able to appreciate a guy in theory - as in, I may not have a crush on him but I could imagine being interested in him. During the worst depressive episodes I don't think I even noticed that people existed as more than something I sadly have to deal with, which is not an attitude conductive to developing crushes. Realising that I feel incapable of being interested in anyone was a pretty crushing blow some months ago and I had the second worst depressive period in my life. Because I also need to feel the emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship and a future where I couldn't even like someone enough to even think about a relationship seemed pretty bleak.

 

That being said, five months ago, after I hit rock-bottom and my sister had to fly in from another country to check if I am still alive, I had no choice but to fight my way back to life. I have since made enormous progress with overcoming my depression and worked very hard on resolving some of the issues which cause it. Nowadays I am a functional member of society, if not a happy one, which seemed impossible half a year ago.

 

And as a side effect of partially overcoming my depression - guess who is currently crushing harder than ever?

Just as I was starting to accept that I will be alone for the rest of my life, I meet this guy, who works at the office where I did an internship, we have a short conversation, he smiles brightly at me and suddenly, huh, butterflies?!

 

I am not saying it's a happily ever after, but it's a sincere (and strong) interest on my part, which is a good start. So there is light at the end of the tunnel and it's not the oncoming train.

My advice: work on overcoming your depression and find a way to deal with the roots of it, not just the symptoms. Force yourself to work on it, to do something, to do everyday the things that used to be fun and make you happy, even when all you want to do is curl up in bed and pretend you don't exist. The rest will sort itself out.

 

*hugs*

This is some of the best advice I've received in a long time! Thank you! What helped you overcome your depression?

[miauw]

4 hours ago, QueenOfTheRats said:

This is some of the best advice I've received in a long time! Thank you! What helped you overcome your depression?

I'm glad it was of use. But the thing is, what causes (and respectively, what may help with) my depression is not necessarily applicable to your situation. It's very difficult to say what helped me the most. The situation was somewhat absurd. Anyway, let's see. It's going to be veeeeery long and specific, sorry for that.

 

Spoiler

 

It started with me dropping out of school, funnily enough. For me that was the first step towards getting better, since some things at university are one of the roots of my depression - both now and the first time around I went to uni and respectively the first time I developed a depression. So, for me, saying "F*ck it, I'm done with this."  and learning to live with it was the start. I studied 6 years for a degree which normally takes 4,5 years, due to a crippling depression. Back then I managed to barely stabilize enough to get my diploma, decided I'm nowhere near capable of getting my Masters and went home (I studied abroad). Then I worked 3 years in a different field, due to stuff like economic crisis and the fact that my diploma wasn't recognized back home (I studied architecture). I got better and decided to go back to my first love - architecture - and went back to school, abroad again in a different country. I was very happy at first. Apparently though I made a wrong choice of school and after 1,5 years the depression came back with a vengeance. And I broke. I struggled to go on, since after so many years (I started studying in 2003!) it is very difficult to give up. I felt that I HAD to finish, I HAD to get the damn Masters degree, I couldn't give up. The more I tried, the worse it got. In the end, I wasn't able to even leave my bed. I stopped going to school and effectively dropped out. My parents told me that I had 3 months to find a job or I am coming home, since they wont be paying for me lying in bed in another damn country. I tried, mostly, got worse and stopped functioning.  After not calling my family for 2 months, they panicked and my sister flew in to see if I am alive. She kicked me out of bed, made me call our parents and forced me to talk. So, it became obvious that despite wanting to get my degree it was never going to happen. I had another ultimatum - one month to get my shit together. They started planning my move back home. That was the LAST thing I wanted. So this was the kickstart I needed.

 

I FORCED myself for every single thing I did. I forced myself to start painting again, even when I didn't feel like it and had no inspiration - because it used to make me happy and I would MAKE myself enjoy it again. It helped a lot with expressing my feelings, that's for sure. I forced myself to study the language for hours every day. I forced myself to go and register in a program for educated foreigners looking for a job here. I accepted that while I may not have a Masters in architecture that doesn't mean that I cannot still work in the field. I made a portfolio, I registered at job agencies, forced myself through every damn appointment with every institution possible, fighting with my extreme agoraphobia and panic attacks all the way. It felt like fighting for survival, you see. Because I knew that if I went back home that would be the ultimate surrender or everything I have ever wanted in my life. I know that I will never be fulfilled back home. It was NOT an option. If I went back home I would never overcome the depression. And that terrified me so much. Back against the wall - no other choice but to fight. So I fought.

 

The thing is, with every little thing I did it got a little better, a little easier. I learned to appreciate my victories. The first time I got out of bed without a struggle - that was a victory. The first time I actually made the bed was another. The first time I left the house without a panic attack; the first time I left without even thinking about it was a major victory. The first appointment I went to and actually talked to a real life person. The first language test I did - and fucking aced it! - that was a real, tangible damn achievement. It proved that I am still capable of something. I fought for every small thing that healthy people never even think about - and when I achieved it I called my parents and told them "See, I did this."  This is what helps - not trying to be like a "normal" healthy person, because that is not possible. But actually DOING things is the only way out. No one ever got out of depression by laying in bed feeling sorry for themselves.

 

I can write more. I can write about a thousand little victories that mean nothing to other people, but every last one of them is a step out of the depression for me. But I'm not sure if it would help you much.

 

 

My advice is: be brutally honest with yourself. Find out exactly what causes your depression, no matter how painful it is to accept it and to admit it. No one else has to know. But you - you have to admit everything to yourself. Make a damn list if it helps. Dissect your depression, study it, know it intimately. Medication may be useful, but it only helps so much. Both times I managed to climb out of depression I had long stopped taking antidepressants. First time the thing that shook me out of it was an extremely unprofessional outburst from my therapist (hehe), which unexpectedly revealed the main cause for the depression, which I was not capable (or maybe willing) to discover on my own. Now, it was the aforementioned dissection of myself and my depression. Brutal, but effective.

 

Then comes the hard part - motivation, which is usually damn near impossible for a depressed person. My motivation was the ultimatum from my parents and my desperation arising from it. So I found what to fight for. For you, it may be something else - not wanting to hurt your loved ones, a dream, anything. You just have to want it desperately enough.

 

And then start looking for things you can do. Not ambitiously, not to solve the big issues, but the small victories I talked about. If you have problems getting out of bed - get out of the damn bed, even if it's just for a few hours at first! If you cannot talk to people - go out and ask the first person about the time. If that's all you manage - good, it's still worth it. I kept 5 magnets on my fridge. Every day I had to achieve five victories. The first days, my "victories" were something like that:

 

1. Got out of bed.

2. Made the bed.

3. Washed the dishes.

4. Checked in with my parents.

5. Painted some abstract mess.

 

That's it. That was all. But the victories get bigger. So, now, less than half a year after complete rock bottom, I:

 

- talk regularly to my parents, my sister, my brother and one of my best friends - the rest will have to wait

- speak and write the language enough to speak with people freely, write an email or a cover letter, do a job interview, etc.

- have done two language tests and aced them

- have not one, but three separate portfolios

- followed a few (a lot) online courses for various software I need for work, learned a lot, had FUN, got certificates for it

- actively looked and applied for jobs

- have gone to 3 job interviews and got a short internship out of one

- did a 4 weeks full-time internship at an architectural office, working with people and having FUN!

- am following the procedure to get my diploma officially recognized and looking for an official architect's internship to become a certified architect, Masters degree be damned!

- am going to an evening course to get a certification in an area I find interesting - not only going out, but going to school again, in a way!

- not only spoke with a person (a lot more than one), but worked with him, developed a huge crush, FLIRTED, left him my number and exchanged text messages.

 

So yeah, go me! And if anyone thinks that my "victories" are not worth anything - well, f*ck them!

 

 

Sorry for the life story.  I don't know how useful it would be for you, since my asexuality and my decade long utter lack of romantic attraction were more of a side issue in my case, not the main cause. But the principles still apply. FIGHT as if your life depended on it, since in a way it does. And celebrate even the tiniest victory.

And if you need to talk - message me. I can be your wingman.  

 

 

[aeimquy159]

I no longer get crushes either. I believe my crushes were due to ignorance. Now when I see people I see all the sacrifice required to have that person in my life.

 Whatever qualities that person possesses to fuel my crush suddenly don't seem so attractive.

[The Dryad]

I can only relate to you through my personal experiences, which is basically none, buuuuuuuuuuuuut, I kinda get where you're coming from, I kinda got crushes in the past, which were weak and attraction driven, not physical- the last "crush" was/is around almost 8 years old, and was some other kinda monster all together, I'm not gonna get into that. But, maybe you just haven't met the right person yet then? If you feel that you need romance and want romance, then you are romantic ( I think ,at least). But, romantic attraction is harder to find, so just keep looking....I think.

[Real_dangerous]

This is similar to what I'm going through. I only got two intense crushes on two boys at the ages of 6 and 7, but after I was rejected by both of them and my mother's insistence that I was too young for a boyfriend I found it harder to get crushes. And whenever I had a crush it wasn't as intense as my squishes were. 

 

This has caused me to be extremely anxious on dates because I never feel initially attracted to any guys I have dated and I get terrified of hurting their feelings. 

 

I currently have an intense squish (on a girl), and I sometimes like to consider that as a replacement for any first love that I should have had! LOL! But I also consider myself to be romantically attracted to guys. 

[UmbraNyx]

On 5/4/2017 at 11:37 PM, QueenOfTheRats said:

I don't think i'm aromantic because I have had VERY strong romantic feelings in the past. The problem is, that was a really long time ago. If I'm honest with myself, I have no had a crush on anyone in 3 years, and it wasn't even a strong crush at that. Before that, my last crush was in 2007, and it's 2017 now...

 

I have depression too, and I'm actually worried that there might be something wrong with me physically because my libido has also tanked in the last few years also. It might also be society chipping away at my self esteem. Society seems to say that love can not exist without sex, and I'm afraid I might be starting to believe it too. It's really depressing, nobody makes me excited or happy to be alive anymore.

 

I feel cheated. I'm not aromantic, and I need romantic love in my life.

 

Sorry for the sad sack rant, but I had to tell somebody, and I thought maybe ace people might understand better than most.Can anyone relate? I'm very interested in your theories on this.

 

If this has ever happened to you, how did you recover?

All i can say is that I don't know, I'm the same way. I used to have a crush a few years ago and now I don't. I don't feel attracted to anyone anymore, and I feel like I have to make myself think that I like someone. I know this doesn't help, but know that you're not alone.

[Homer]

On 5/10/2019 at 2:42 AM, UmbraNyx said:

and I feel like I have to make myself think that I like someone.

...but why?

 

I don't think that three years without a crush is long to begin with, but then again, the whole thing is pretty repulsive for me and I hope it doesn't happen to me ever again.