Sexual guy in with a maybe asexual partner?

[sorenmor]

Hi everyone,

I have been checking this website for some days and is, without doubts, really interesting all the content that can be found here. Thanks for this community! 

 

Referring to the title... I am the sexual one. I don't know much about asexuality (eventhough I have been reading a lot) and I somehow would like to ask you for opinions! 

 

I am a really sexual guy and my partner seem to be the "relaxed one". For now we are having a distance relationship and we see each other at least a weekend a month. I explain a bit further with examples: 

 

- Every time we meet, we have sex. But not as often as I would like. For example: We are meeting from Wednesday to Sunday, so we would only have sex once within those days (and I am the one asking for it!)

 

I find this a bit frustrating for me as, since I don't see him often, I am craving to have him near me, touch him and.. well you know what I mean. But eventhough he says he is looking forward to see me and be with me, it doesn't seem that he is much into sex. I am pretty much "the begger", the one who asks for it. And I feel bad about it because i 

 

- Another example is that, eventhough we are talking or texting everyday, there are not "nasty" expressions or messages. No sexting. I am not saying I really need it, but from time to time to hear or read a "omg I'm willing to have sex with you (peep peep expressions)" would be nice.

 

I always talk super open about sex and he does not really get into the topic as much. I don't know, I am confused. 

 

Another thing is that my partner never finishes while we are having sex. He does not reach the climax. I talked to him about this, as in the beginning i found it weird, and said that for me it was okay if for him is okay. So i learned to respect it. He may have reached climax 3 times out of 20 that we have had sex.

 

I have been thinking on retarded-ejaculation problem, hormones things and now I thought about the possibility that he is someway asexual. 

 

Thanks for reading until here, I hope you understand my thoughts. 

Do you maybe have some opinions to my situation?

 

Thanks again! 

Cheers

sorenmor

[Guest]

You need to talk with your partner, find out whether he wants to have sex with you or not. If he legitimately does want sex then he's clearly just a sexual guy who places much less importance on sex than you do.. or maybe he legitimately is having some issues that a doctor could help with? If he says soemthing like "actually I'm not at all interested in sex I just do it because I know you want it" then yes he could definitely be asexual but if sex is very important to you and you want a lot of it, plus if you want a lot of dirty talk etc even though he's clearly not that into it, then it may be difficult to make this relationship work long term regardless of whether he's asexual or not

[Starfall]

Only your partner can know for sure whether or not he is asexual. You need to talk this out with him, as he has a much better idea of how he feels than you do. One of the main problems we see on these forums a lot is that sexual people, such as yourself, often find it difficult to be in a relationship with someone who isn't as sexual, because for most people, having sex is an integral part of how you express and feel love for another person. This isn't the case for asexuals, most of whom prefer to give an receive love in other ways. What I'm saying here is: regardless of whether or not your partner is asexual, he clearly feels much less need for sex than you do, but this does not mean he doesn't love you. He probably just has a different way of expressing it. Again, you need to talk to him in order to figure this out. You can probably make this work as long as you are okay with not having sex as often as you would like, and as long as you can find a way to feel secure in the fact that he loves you, despite not enjoying sex as much as you do.  

[MrDane]

@sorenmor it is always polite to write a warning for the asexuals who read your text on Aven, as some are even repulsed by reading about it. (TMI warning!)

 

you need to talk about and adress your concerns. "Am I pushing to much for sex?" "Should I do something differently to make sure you cum?" "What makes sex nice  for you?"

If you are together only a few days, and you would like it to be action-packed with sex, then it could feel a bit like to much for him. Stressfulm i mean! And stress is not good for feeling good.