Asexuals...Do you have crushes?

[OverwhelmedA]

17 hours ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

Well, it means you can do things with a crush that you can't sound awkward to do with friends, like going on romantic dates, watching romantic movies, have candlelit dinners, sleep together in same bed, marry, raise kids with,  tongue kiss, cuddle, go out holding hands, share stuff, etc. You wish you had all the kinds of intimacy with a crush. 

 

Interesting...well, that settles it. I AM aromantic. Thanks for the explanation. Cleared up a lot of things.

[Kavess]

I'm romantic and I have crushes. Mostly on real people (Except Sherlock Holmes!), on one celebrity and few normal people from time to time. As I said, I find Sherlock Holmes attractive, because of his intelligence and unusual look. And thanks to that it kinda went on Benedict Cumberbatch, who is an amazing person and I'd love to meet him (and have a pillow fight with him!). 

That might sound funny, but I've never had a crush based only on look. I can only get a crush if I like someone's character and I see that he likes me (in any way).

[discotree]

A) I am aromantic (but real life is forcing me to be romantic...)

B) I do have a lot of crushes, but these are more squishes. 

C) For all the above ahah! Like I really want to know them and be friends with them.  

D)  

[Ammy-G]

Bi- romantic

I have had a crush on one real person and two fictional characters.

I no longer have a crush on the real person.

[Janus the Fox]

I think I had a crush before it developed into love, with all the personal, spiritual and intellectual preferences all aligning up, that crush to love happened rather quickly within 6 weeks.

[Rhaenys]

a.) Romantic

b.) Yeah

c.) All

d.) Right now Alexander Skarsgard but only cause he fits a lot of I like looks wise and because he acts pretty good in romantic scenes(small stuff like how he looks at the guy/girl I notice). I also like Jungkook from BTS. 

 

With irl people I notice the ones I get a crush on cause of their looks are never the ones for me. The people I've loved always went in this order = friend > squish > crush > relationship. I'm a undress the mind kind of chick in serious business. How I discovered asexuality was because I was involved with a sexual, I had a squish then crush on him because he wrote me poems, he defended me from my mother, he gave me adorable nicknames. I'm very gulliable to people making an effort for me.

[ResistanceFighter]

I'm not sure if I'm romantic but I don't think so

yep, I definitely get crushes... mostly aesthetically on men with beards and glasses and sometimes on someone's character when they're into linguistics or history... i know that's oddly specific for an aromantic but those crushes aren't really romantic sooooo....i never really have crushes on celebs and mostly not on fictional characters either

[swirl_of_blue]

A) Neither label fits comfortably. Maybe I'll use grayromantic for now...

B) I have crushes rarely, but it does happen. I notice it rather quickly if it happens, and can then decide what to do: do I let it be, or do I "kill" all of the emerging feelings. I almost always use the second option, and have let myself really get fond of someone only once or twice in my life (and one of them is happening right now!)

C) Only real life people, and I must already know them very well in order to feel comfortable enough to have a crush. This means at least months if not years of being aquaintances or friends. I have known the person who I have crush on now for almost five years. I have always felt a bit closer to them than others, but it has only processed to something I could call a crush within the last couple of months.

D) See above. Though I do sometimes develop squishes on celebs, I "kill" those the same way I do to most crushes. The thought of having a crush on someone that either doesn't even exist or is 100% unattainable makes me feel very uncomfortable and almost dirty in some way!

[thatgreenlady]

A) Romantic

B) I have crushes ALL THE TIME

C) Will have crushes on real life people but most of the time on fictional characters and celebrities

D) Absolutely in love with Raphael Santiago from Shadowhunters at the moment. I find him attractive but I love how he has a cold exterior but I actually the sweetest person (Vampire ;)) ever. He is also ace and romantic so eternal heart eyes from me.

[miauw]

A) A few days ago I would have said that I've become aromantic, since I hadn't shown even a hint of interest in someone for ten years. But...

B) I am suddenly crushing very hard on a guy I worked with for a very short time, butterflies and ridiculous obsessive thoughts and all. So, yay, not aromantic after all.

C) I do sometimes have a squish on a celebrity or even a fictional character.

D) For celebrities, I am attracted to intelligence and talent/competence and overall personality (as far as it can be determined from a distance), combined with an aesthetic attraction. It's usually actors or other performers (dancers or singers) - I need to see them in action to develop any kind of interest at all. Looking at a picture of a nice looking guy does nothing for me - seeing them move, talk, interact is important. I'm most attracted to movement (grace), voice and damn if a nice smile doesn't make me weak in the knees. Example: Tom Hiddleston for all of the above criteria.

For fictional characters, huh, I really have no idea why I get attracted to some. Mostly I think it's a combination of being relatable and a competence kink.

[GRexCarolinii]

On 04/05/2017 at 7:04 AM, JayDee1212 said:

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

A) Romantic (though currently in the murky depths of requiesromanticism... which is causing no end of confusion ^^) 
also fairly certain now I'm close to demisexual than Ace (but very fluid depending on who and when)

 

B) Mmm yes
very much so

C > D) All of the above?
though it does vary a little:
Fictional and IRL crushes  follow the same pattern of: looks catch my eye, but personality keeps me interested
Celeb crushes.... thinking on it, I wouldn't say that's romantic attraction at all, so much as...
aesthetics - and I like seeing them, watching them
and if they then turn out to have nice personalities; I like watching and supporting them I guess? 


though other random things that might be of interest or help?

-the personality type for fictional characters is slightly different (I apparently really like tsundere? That sort of; hard exterior, but really just needs protection and love. But irl; that would bore me)

-I've only had like.... 6 IRL crushes in my lifetime? 2 of which fell apart because the personality wasn't there. I would say I'm picky, but that implies some level of choice. The second I see someone I either crush, or not. (though also think I'm odd in that sense)

-also I get many squishes; and the best way to distinguish is
crush = I want to be with you. And cuddle. And share a bed with more cuddles. Maybe kiss if generous, but spend all the time, and do soppy romantic things. 
squish = I need your friendship and to spend fun-friend times with you. 

[BookishTabby]

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

 

A) definitely Romantic

B) Sometimes. Not as often now as when I was a kid.

C) a few real people, but mostly fictional characters. 

D) I usually crush on the same type of characters. The sarcastic, smart, witty ones like Sherlock, Stiles. But more than That I find myself crushing on couples. Like I just get so invested and attached to their relationship and just Want to watch more of them together. The most recent one is Alec and Magnus from the tv show Shadowhunters. But I also love Alec and Seregil from the Nightrunner series by Lynn Flewelling.

[A Cat]

A: Romantic

B: Yes, but only really based on personality. The way someone looks isn't a factor for me at all.

C: Only people in real life

[LadyFie]

A) definitely romantic

 

B) I have crushes and squishes, both very often

 

C) real life people: they develop

- if I meet someone new who I find kinda pretty and they are very nice to me right from the start (-> crush) or

- if I've known someone for a long time and grow to really like and admire them and develop a wish to have a closer relationship with them (this works with friends -> crush or with acquaintances -> squish)

 

celebrities: very often, feels like something between a squish and a crush. Mostly if I find them pretty, like what I know about their character and personal life or (with actors) if I really liked one of their characters / (with singers) if I really like their voice. I think it's a feeling of "they are really cool/beautiful/interesting, I wish I could meet them in real life and then get to know them and then maybe be friends or even date them". Because of this I can get a little hysterical when at a concert or something (I'm basically screaming "SENPAI, NOTICE ME" in my head all the time).

 

fictional characters: no crushes, rarely squishes, often the feeling of "I-wanna-be-like-you"

 

D) As someone mentioned before: Sherlock (BBC). For me, he's a "I-wanna-be-like-you"/squish, and I also like Benedict Cumberbatch because of it.

Other interests are for example:

Youtubers: Dan and Phil, Emma Blackery

Singers: Brendon Urie, Billie Joe Armstrong, Samu Haber, Gerard Way

Actors: Johnny Depp, Hugh Grant, Alan Rickman, Helena Bonham Carter, Emma Watson, Robin Williams, Dick van Dyke, ......

 

Generally, I don't really care about age when having squishes or crushes, which most of my friends find really strange.

[TheAP]

I don't know if I'm romantic or aromantic. I have obsessions with people (and sometimes places), and they sometimes feel romantic, but I don't know if I should count them as crushes, since they're often less about wanting a relationship with a person and more about just constructing a fantasy version of the person. It's almost always someone I know from real life or on the Internet, but occasionally it has been a celebrity.

[Flowertheflower]

On 5/4/2017 at 8:04 AM, JayDee1212 said:

A few questions...

 

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

 

Also...I have many, many crushes on men in real life as well as on male celebrities. Usually they are people who I am physically attracted to and I enjoy looking at their face and body, and I want to know more about them always (Google them, read interviews, stalk them etc.) 

- does this mean I am romantic? Or do aromantics have crushes as well?

A) Idk, somewhere in the ace spectrum

B) Yes

C) Real people who aren't celebrities and fictional characters only.

D) Eh

I don't really like to say-

But I like them because of their personality, and their facial expressions, and how they talk, and their humor, and etc.

[To Each Their Own]

A) I'm aromantic. 

B) I don't get crushes. 

C) n/a

D) n/a

 

Really, just thinking about doing all that hand holding, romantic cuddling and kissing stuff is…yikes! No thanks!

 

The easiest way I can explain it to people is: if I'm not comfortable doing something with a dog, then I'm sure as hell not comfortable doing it with a human being. 

[Strange But Not a Stranger]

On 4-5-2017 at 8:04 AM, JayDee1212 said:

A few questions...

 

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

 

Also...I have many, many crushes on men in real life as well as on male celebrities. Usually they are people who I am physically attracted to and I enjoy looking at their face and body, and I want to know more about them always (Google them, read interviews, stalk them etc.) 

- does this mean I am romantic? Or do aromantics have crushes as well?

A) Not sure. I suppose I must be somewhere in between. I can have romantic feelings for someone, but that usually doesn't mean I desire to have a relationship with them. So I am kinda confused on this one tbh.

B) Yes, I do. Sometimes.

C) Usually celebrities. I've had one or two on real life people.

D) I have one major celebrity crush, and then I have a whole lot of side crushes who don't mean as much to me as the major one does. Not giving away the names, because I don't want people to know this is me... or for people to make fun of me.
Anyway... Mostly I find them to be aesthetically attractive. There are certain features in their faces that I really think are beautiful. The personality helps a lot too. If I think someone looks good and it turns out he's an awful person then the crush is usually over.

[Gloomy]

A) Aromantic, I think, at least when it comes to real life people. xD

 

B) Yes

 

C) Mostly anime characters. I haven't really had a crush on a real life person in many years.

 

D) Aesthetically attractive + Tragic past = Be my husbando! Though sometimes I'll just crush on a character just for being aesthetically attractive.

[Island-Of-Dogs]

On 5/4/2017 at 2:04 AM, JayDee1212 said:

A few questions...

 

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

A. Aromantic 

 

B. I prefer the term squish. I used to call what I felt for other individuals crushes, but after entering a disastrous relationship with someone who I had a "crush" on... it became quite clear that my feelings for that person weren't romantic in the least.

 

It was more along the lines of deep admiration, fueled by awed respect and the fact that we had quite the camaraderie going on within a relatively short amount of time. This all disappeared essentially the second the relationship turned romantic and as a result I grew increaingly unhappy while around that person. Of course due to various factors I was trapped in the relationship for four years... 

 

But hey, at least I know for sure that I'm Aromantic! More seriously, I simply feel that squish as a term describes what my feelings are better then the term crush ever did. 

 

C. Obviously, I have squishes instead of crushes. But yes, I have experienced them for all of the above. 

 

Lol, I'm pretty convinced that my first squish was on Scooby-Doo, or perhaps Barney The Dinosaur. But regardless, I mostly had squishes on real people when I was really young. 

 

For the most part it was various classmates of mine- The least rowdy of the little boys if I recall correctly- but I did develope a couple on my teachers! And on a college student that helped out at my daycare for one summer. 

 

But interestingly enough, I largely outgrew squishing on people involved in my real life once I hit double digits! My attractions turned to fictional characters instead. Mostly from animated films and tv shows, but I do recall a few book characters too. 

 

It was this way with me for a very long time. Well thru my adolescence! Only relatively recently have I begun to outgrow fictional characters and turn back to real people... 

 

The catch being that they're now celebrities! Not "mainstream" or "A-Listers" like movie stars, but rather YouTubers! 

 

D. Currently it's JonTron- And yes, I am aware of the controversy surrounding him- he's fairly big on YouTube, but in a niche sort of way. He reviews weird video games and crummy movies and has the most delightfully surreal (And clever!) sense of humor. 

 

I'm attracted to him because he's weird, but smart. Funny, but not obnoxious. Goofy, but with a big heart. Plus he adores animals! Basically it's his personality that's the attraction for me, but I won't deny that aesthetically I think he's adorable. 

 

And that's it from me. Hope that helps you sort your own feelings out somehow! 

[Beks]

A) romantic 

B) yes but

C) both

D) I'm romanticly attrached to personality

[ben8884]

A no idea I thought I was lithromantic now maybe grayromantic?

B yes 

C Real person but I don't really get celebrity crushes. Like, there are celebs I think are hot and celebs who I think seem like cool people but without knowing them I can feel no romantic attraction 

[Crazy Cat Lady]

On 5/4/2017 at 0:04 AM, JayDee1212 said:

A few questions...

 

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

 

a. Yes

b. Yes (I come here most often when I do have a crush and am struggling with acting on it or not.)

c. real life people

[Crazy Cat Lady]

Now that I've read the rest of the posts, I thought I might elaborate.

 

It's not always the case, but the past few years, the guys I've been getting crushes on are people I see in real life, but not people I know. Often, just men who are on the same bus as me everyday, for instance. I see them everyday, so my crush doesn't go away. The crush might finally go away, either when I don't see them every day anymore, or if I find someone else to "crush on".

 

They are often men who are likely close to my age (I'm in my mid-40s), though I think some may be a bit younger (of course, I don't really know them, so I don't know for sure!). For many many years, I never "trained myself", as some people do, to look for a ring (to indicate they are married), though I've found myself doing that the past few years.

 

I also find my crushes (not always, but often) are more geeky-looking guys. Probably, if I ever did act on any of them, these are the men who would be more likely to be (maybe) interested in me, anyway; not the super-good looking guys. (I often fantasize that they might possibly "like" me, but I don't really know. I know I've never been particularly attractive. )

 

I've always been fairly shy (though I was the one to ask out my one-and-only long-term boyfriend at the start), so I don't know if I'd really act on anything. I guess (for my current crush), I have said a few words to him here and there while waiting for the bus, but nothing major. I usually see him, then get all shy and stay standing further away from him, anyway. See!!! Now this is what makes me feel so young, like a teenager (as someone asked in a different thread recently) when it comes to relationships!

 

I certainly don't have a clue how to flirt... Sigh. But then, I argue with myself that I shouldn't act on my crush, anyway, as nothing would likely work out. Then, I get wishing I was aromantic.