Asexuals...Do you have crushes?

[JayDee1212]

A few questions...

 

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

 

Also...I have many, many crushes on men in real life as well as on male celebrities. Usually they are people who I am physically attracted to and I enjoy looking at their face and body, and I want to know more about them always (Google them, read interviews, stalk them etc.) 

- does this mean I am romantic? Or do aromantics have crushes as well?

[Philip027]

Not that often, but yes.  Only ever been for people I've considered close friends.  I cannot wrap my mind around celebrity/fictional crushes; I don't know them, they don't know me, the required connection isn't there.

 

The "aromantic" crush is typically called a squish, around here -- it's basically the same sort of feelings minus the romantic component.

[NickTheWriter]

1) I'm Romantic (or I think I am)

2)  I'm crushing pretty hard right now. 

3) Real person. She works in the same building as me. 

4) For me, it's usually confidence and humor. (Though a nice smile doesn't hurt)

 

It sounds a bit like a crush. When you think about meeting them, is it a formal handshake/interview sort of thing? Or do you imagine hanging out with them in a more casual, romantic way? 

[OverwhelmedA]

I consider myself an aromantic, as I can't even grasp the concept of romance or crushes...anyone explain it to me, please? I used to think having a crush meant liking someone a lot, but I like my family a lot and I don't think I have a crush on my parents. So I guess I haven't had any crushes, and I can't even answer the other questions.

[AVEN #1 fan]

Maybe what you feel is aesthethic desire.

 

1. I'm romantic but I have a very low romantic drive, I'm not so romantic.
2. Yes, usually they fade.
3. Only for real people but I could see myself ending up with somebody I imagined
4. Their personalities, I like people who stand for the mutual best, I like people who aren't afraid of being themselves, I like people who I have bonds with only, I like people who share the same thoughts as me, I like introverted people. I also like people for appearances but not quite often.

 

[AVEN #1 fan]

7 minutes ago, OverwhelmedA said:

I consider myself an aromantic, as I can't even grasp the concept of romance or crushes...anyone explain it to me, please? I used to think having a crush meant liking someone a lot, but I like my family a lot and I don't think I have a crush on my parents. So I guess I haven't had any crushes, and I can't even answer the other questions.

Well, it means you can do things with a crush that you can't sound awkward to do with friends, like going on romantic dates, watching romantic movies, have candlelit dinners, sleep together in same bed, marry, raise kids with,  tongue kiss, cuddle, go out holding hands, share stuff, etc. You wish you had all the kinds of intimacy with a crush. 

 

[Kimmie.]

1: I think i am romantic atleast.

2: I don´t know

3: See 2

4:Same

 

I have never been i love what i know so i have probably never had a crush either.

[Rosette]

1. Unsure. Think I might be demiromantic. 

2. One, and there probably will only ever be one RL one.

3. One real, and a lot of fake ones. I love a lot of actors (and voice actors) and characters.

4. David Tennant, Troy Baker, Jensen Ackles, Matthew Gubler, just to name a couple. I usually like them first for how they act, etc., and then eventually just enjoy their whole existence. Like they can be playing another character in any other show and while I still call them by whatever character name I knew them by first, I'll almost always like the other character that they play automatically just because it's them playing it. For instance, I liked the guy who played Sebastian Monroe on a show called Revolution. And when I figured out he'd been in an older show called The Cape, I actually watched that show because of him specifically. I didn't care if he was running around wearing a cape like an idiot.  I found it adorable. 

[sweetbitter]

I'm somewhere on the aro spectrum, not sure, where exactly, so let's say I'm aromantic. I had crushes as a kid, when I didn't know much about life, love, romance, sex etc. I'm not even sure if there were all crushes. My last 'crush' I had when I was around 12 years old. Since then, I haven't had any. Well, it's possible that I had one, but my mind doesn't want to admit it. Now I have only squishes. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, JayDee1212 said:

A few questions...

 

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

 

Also...I have many, many crushes on men in real life as well as on male celebrities. Usually they are people who I am physically attracted to and I enjoy looking at their face and body, and I want to know more about them always (Google them, read interviews, stalk them etc.) 

- does this mean I am romantic? Or do aromantics have crushes as well?

A) Romantic

B) Yes

C) historical figures

D) There are just figures from XVI, XVII and XIX century. I admire the things they done, the splendor around them and their goodwill towards others. I never have crushes on bad people and outward appearance is not so important for me although if you appreciate someone's acts you also do the same on someone's outward beauty.

[SamwiseLovesLife]

2 hours ago, JayDee1212 said:

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

A) Somewhere in between? Grey-Aro

B) No but I have Squishes (platonic crushes)

C) I have squishes on real life people and fictional characters indiscriminitorally. Rarely celebrities, though sometimes their characters (but not other parts they've played)

D) Squishes- All of the LOTR fellowship, Aang from Avatar series, Raja from s3 Drag Race, Marvin from Hitch hiker's guide to the Galaxy, kid Simba from the Lion King

[Annie9]

1) I'm romantic

2) yes, I've had crushes.

3) i crush on real life people, celebrities and fictional characters.

4) I have a lot of crushes, mainly celebrities (Korean celebrities). I have quite a few crushes on fictional characters (especially anime/manga and book characters)  I normally am attracted to their looks it also depends on their their personality or character. when it comes to actors, i am more into the characters they play than the actors themselves.  As for real life people, then it's about their looks if they're people i haven't really spoken to but otherwise it's a lot about the way they are in general. for example, the guy i was in love with, we went to the same class and he was quite good looking but it wasn't until a year later that i started crushing on him.

 

 

[Ennis]

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

 

A) romantic

B) I experience two different types of crushes - more serious romantic crushes on people whose personality I like and less serious aesthetic crushes on people I hardly know. The latter are more frequent yet never accompanied by the wish to enter a relationship with those people. I just enjoy looking at them and feel a little nervous when they're around.

C) Type 1 crushes: Exclusively real life people. Type 2 crushes: mostly irl, some of them might be celebrities. Couldn't crush on a fictional character.

D) behaviour (that impresses me or that I can relate to) and aesthetics

[Perfectly Pointless]

a) romantic

 

b) literally all the time. I have had too many crushes to count, and I could name all of them if I had to. I think Id be inclined to refer to myself as some kind of hyper-romantic. I'm always crushing on someone, they can last from an hour up to anything like a year. They're incredibly intense and I get very obsessive. If I'm rejected, ignored or I something goes wrong, I get very, very upset. I feel like it might be my mind compensating(?) for my lack of sexual attraction in that way. 

 

c)real life people and fictional characters. Not so much celebrities (I'm not really into celebrity gossip and stuff though, so that could be why)

 

d)Mainly anime characters. (too many to name lol) I have lots of fictional crushes but they're never as obsessive as my irl crushes. When I get a new irl crush, (aka all the time) my fictional crushes tend to get put in the back seat a bit. 

for me, it's all about aesthetics. It sounds awful, but I have a bad habit of placing higher value on things that are nice to look at, which is seen in how I treat other things apart from people (for example I'd rather wear clothes that are pretty and expensive than practical). 

This also invokes my tendency to crush on people who aren't very nice. I think all of my crushes (with one or two exemptions, maybe) have really upset me in some way just because they're expressed their disinterest in a harsh way or they're just a dickhead in general. 

 

[JayDee1212]

Thank you guys so much for responding, it's interesting to see such a wide range of responses. 

 

To clarify even further, I do have a good amount of crushes in real life, and a lot, and I mean a lot of celebrity crushes. Some of my most intense crushes include Adam Levine, Justin Timberlake, Chris Hemsworth etc...people who are considered very aesthetically attractive physically and facially. When it comes to these "crushes", I first and foremost care about looks, and I've never had a crush on someone I don't find attractive. Mostly care about the face, but body is important, too. Secondarily, I also notice charisma, a nice voice, kind personality, cute shyness, etc....and all of these characteristics contribute to  a the crush but don't necessarily matter too much. When talking with friends, I use the word "sexy" and "hot" to describe them and it feels right and natural. 

 

Also, to the person who asked what a crush is: for me, it is someone who I am attracted to their face and body, and also usually some secondary characteristics like their voice, charisma, personality, etc. It's hard to explain, but for some reason I just want to know everything there is to know about this person, I want to keep up with their life and look at their social media pages, etc. If I talk to a crush on real life I get very nervous, "butterfly In stomach" sensation. I will be more interested talking to them and hang in there every word in a way I wouldn't with other people. I would literally follow them around all day if that wouldn't get me arrested lol...I just get such a rush from being near them,looking at them, hearing them speak. I find them intriguing and I always just want to know more. 

 

[SelRivers]

Well, I'm panromantic ace and I do have crushes on people I know and celebrities. I do find a lot of people aesthetically pleasing, but don't develop the crush until I find out about their personality and interests (for celebrities this is bought on by interviews,  panels, social media etc)

 

[Perfectly Pointless]

54 minutes ago, JayDee1212 said:

 If I talk to a crush on real life I get very nervous, "butterfly In stomach" sensation. I will be more interested talking to them and hang in there every word in a way I wouldn't with other people. I would literally follow them around all day if that wouldn't get me arrested lol...I just get such a rush from being near them,looking at them, hearing them speak. I find them intriguing and I always just want to know more. 

 

This is kind of what I'm getting at.

I've got a couple of questions of my own, if that's ok.

Does this ever become a problem for you? (like, the following if you could and stuff)

I often end up messing up these situations, because I become so intense that I ultimately end up pushing the person away by being slightly creepy, being too forward (ie. asking someone out before we've even talked about anything else) etc. So many of my romantic interests, I would imagine, have been so overwhelmed that they've had to resort to being horrible (this doesn't mean it excuses how they've acted towards me, but explains it). I must admit that I have done things of questionable nature, for example sitting in a cafe next to where someone I liked worked for like 2 hours just so I could look at him. 

 

Also, if things go south with a crush (for example you get rejected or you find something out about them which you find hard to ignore) how do you handle this?

Because obviously it's very difficult to get over someone who you were never even with in the first place. I ask because for me, I end up resenting them for it. I just find that it's the only way for me to get over them, which is why I can almost never be friends with someone I've had a crush on in the past. I end up hating them for the way they've made me feel, (which as a very introverted intellectual person who finds these sorts of things difficult, is usually something I find hard to handle, hence the obsession) and it's often not even as much to do with the event that caused everything to go wrong but just... blaming them in my head for 'making me like them' by being exactly the kind of person I like. 

It may also be this that stops me from crushing on my friends. I have never crushed on someone who I am close with. Ever. 

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

HELL YES!!! But it's even more than that..at least in my case

 

A) are you romantic or aromantic - romantic

B) do you have crushes? - yes

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? - 99,9% fictional / 0,01 % celebrities

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? - that's secret.  It's someone who reflects and combines my given and missing character aspects in every way. Someone who make me feel understood accepted and loved.

[Kelpie]

a) romantic

b) sometimes, yes, but not very often and not since I'm in a relatonship

c) usually real life people, when I was younger celebrities too but not really fictional characters

d) I don't have one at the moment

[WinnieMcCoy]

34 minutes ago, Ryan Wright said:

HELL YES!!! But it's even more than that..at least in my case

 

A) are you romantic or aromantic - romantic

B) do you have crushes? - yes

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? - 99,9% fictional / 0,01 % celebrities

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? - that's secret.  It's someone who reflects and combines my given and missing character aspects in every way. Someone who make me feel understood accepted and loved.

Can I just point to the above whenever someone asks me this question? As @Ryan Wright has perfectly described me.

 

*Stares Intently* Ryan, you sure you aren't my long lost twin or something?🖖🏼

[=NolePtr]

A) for lack of a better term: aromantic.

B) do you have crushes? Sometimes.

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above?  Real people (Celebrities are real people too), and fictional characters.

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? Cuteness, kindless, how much I enjoy being with the person. More of deep admiration for someone.

[UnicornQueen]

a) I think I'm aromantic.

b) I have never had a crush but I have squishes.

c) When it comes to my squishes they're mostly fictional characters. Two or three times I had squishes on real people.

[Laplace]

I'm likely aromantic as well as being fairly solitary and detached in general. In fact, most people become my friend because they end up spending time with me; I don't tend to seek people out cause I don't have the most enjoyable personality 😕. Only crazy people can tolerate my attitude towards life anyways . I'm really bad with names and faces so I sometimes don't even know the people who act in movies or shows I like. I mainly admire certain fictional characters for their resolve, their dedication to their ideals, and the concepts they represent. I find them more inspiring than attractive.

[Guest Lady.Lizard]

12 hours ago, JayDee1212 said:

A few questions...

 

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

 

Also...I have many, many crushes on men in real life as well as on male celebrities. Usually they are people who I am physically attracted to and I enjoy looking at their face and body, and I want to know more about them always (Google them, read interviews, stalk them etc.) 

- does this mean I am romantic? Or do aromantics have crushes as well?

A) Very romantic

B) Do I have crushes...oh god yes  it gets very very annoying 

C) Usually on real people (when they're really humans the crush is very very very strong, and exceedingly distracting), occasionally fictional characters in TV shows

D) For fictional characters..it's usually the 'bad boys', e.g. Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer 

[J. van Deijck]

A) are you romantic or aromantic - demiromantic or something?

B) do you have crushes? - I've had 3 in my life.

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? - real life people. all my crushes were on people I was already friends with. never happened for me to have anything more than a platonic squish on musicians or something.

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? - N/A unless you want to hear about my platonic squishes.

[Antihero.]

.

[ryan_]

13 hours ago, JayDee1212 said:

 

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

 

A) I think im romantic
B) Yup
C) Real life for the most part

D) ^^

[JayDee1212]

6 hours ago, Perfectly Pointless said:

Does this ever become a problem for you? (like, the following if you could and stuff)

-Lol, I don't think I am as brazen as you are unfortunately. I've never actually asked anyone out myself, all of the boyfriends I've had have asked me out. I am usually too shy to ask someone out myself. I usually just obsess over them in my mind and never have the actual guts to ask them out in real life. Props to you for having the confidence to!

-As I'm biromantic, I actually had a strong crush on a female I knew from school. She was really sweet and I wasn't exactly scared of rejection from her, but I convinced myself

that she was heterosexual anyway, which I later found out she is, so I had no chance anyway. But I definitely did follow her a little bit...but not even close to the level of stalking. Just if I saw her around campus and heard she was going to an event I might end up there too haha...but I never like followed her in the hallways or showed up at her house or anything crazy. I think the key is knowing where to draw the line.

 

 

7 hours ago, Perfectly Pointless said:

Also, if things go south with a crush (for example you get rejected or you find something out about them which you find hard to ignore) how do you handle this?

-For me, I have A LOT of crushes, so usually I just try to forget about this current crush and focus on someone else. Again I've never been rejected as I never really ask people out myself, but  if I'm disappointed with a real-life crush I often find that I will focus on a celebrity crush for the time being, mostly to distract myself from the hurt.

 

-But thank you so much for your response! You sound a lot like me (very romantic and sensitive asexual...rough life out here lol). I'm sorry to hear you have had bad luck with crushes, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time and finding the right person. Good luck!

[mari123]

14 hours ago, JayDee1212 said:

A few questions...

 

A) are you romantic or aromantic, 

B) do you have crushes?

C) if so, on real life people? Celebrities? Fictional characters? All of the above? 

D) If a celebrity or fictional character, who are your crushes? And what atracts you to them? 

I'm romantic and have many crushes on men in my life and I was always attracted to their personality and if I know them for a long time. I crushed in celebrities many times but now this not so important to me. I think that this is irrelevant because I never met them in person. 

[RK800]

A) romo

B) Sure

C) Mostly fictional folks, occasionally real humans and non-human entities.

D) Woo, I got a list like you wouldn't believe. I'd say I feel romantic attraction more than I have true crushes. As far as what attracts me to them...I dunno. It varies. Voice, the way they hold themselves, oh and flirty folks always get me, ha.