Is it a problem if I'm 17-18 years old and I love a girl of 14-15 years old?

[Ruch33]

I hope this is related to the category.

[chair jockey]

Legal and social issue, as well as a power imbalance issue.

[Sally]

It's definitely a problem if you have sex with her.

[God of the Forest]

It depends. Where Im from there is a "4 year halo", which means its doesnt matter as long as the relationship is conscensual and there is no more than a 4 year difference in age so you can date someone who is 14 whilst being 18. If she has reached puberty then I personally dont see a problem with it, I mean my grandmother got married when she was 15 and that wasnt a problem at the time.

[emma-can]

5 minutes ago, chair jockey said:

Legal and social issue, as well as a power imbalance issue.

Seconding this.  It really depends on the laws/standards of your country.  My sister started dating a 17-year-old when she was 14 and while they're still together 2.5 years later, it's highly unusual and generally considered to be a bad idea.  I would lean towards "not a great idea" for you but the situation might be perceived very differently where you are. 

[God of the Forest]

I feel like this topic might need to get moved to the Hot Box, because I can already see where this is headed..

[Busrider]

I'm with @chair jockey & @emma-can. Over here it would be "legal" but I guess the related social issues can be perceived big enough to be somewhat annoying?

As I am recalling things (and it's been 3 decades!) Problem #1 will be her parents. - They have to permit you two seeing each other. - What to do if they don't? Daughters used to be kept on a way shorter leash than sons + the age gap... - How early will you have to bring her home? How about all the "bad influence" stuff? Are you fine with no cigarettes and no alcohol and not watching movies demanding you to be at least 16?

Do you two really have shared interests?

Anyhow, I see no reason to warn or stop you.

[Woef]

Maybe a good question to start with: does she like you? Is there any prospect of a relationship between the two of you?

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Definitely be illegal and societally frowned upon here...

[ithaca]

Are you 17 or 18? Is she 14 or 15? Where do you live? How does she feel about you? Do you intend to pursue a sexual relationship with her? These clarifications can make a legal difference.

 

If I were you, I'd stay friends with her until she's of legal age anyway.

[Mimesis]

It depends on the culture and laws of where you live. In my country, Brazil, girls as a general rule only date boys (or young men) who are at least three years older than they are. Sometimes even ten years older. We do have laws prohibiting sex between an underage person and one who is older than 18, but people generally just don`t care about it, as long as it`s consensual. You need to know what is customary where you live, and how the girl feels about dating you. But above all, do not break the law!

I just noticed something: you define yourself as asexual. She is too young to have her sexuality defined yet. She simply hasn`t had enough time to find out about it. If everything is OK with the law, you may still have a problem with compatiblility there.

[Ace ♠ At ♠ Archery]

I don't think it's a problem, if you love each other that's all that matters. 3-4 years isn't that big an age gap, some parents are 10 or more years apart. You could just stay friends until she is 16.

[Skycaptain]

It depends on the country you live in, and how far you want take love. 

If you're both prepared to understand and comply with the laws pertaining to age of consent, and keep things platonic until then it's fine. Four years isn't a great age difference, so do not worry about that. 

Most importantly does the other person feel the same about you? If yes fine, if no, maybe it's time to reconsider 

[Snao Cone]

I would have more to say to the 14-15 year old girl than you as a 17-18 year old boy. She is in a more vulnerable position here, so she needs to think through it more. It's not necessarily about you personally, or a judgement of you. She may be very mature and wise about keeping herself stable and safe, but most 14-15 year olds are not. In many cases if you see people judging your situation or expressing disagreement with it, it's not about what you're doing but about how vulnerable a younger person in that situation may be.

[Mychemicalqpr]

 I think it's fine, but 3-4 years younger than you at this point is probably the lowest you can go and realistically have a balanced relationship if your hypothetical partner is relatively mentally mature. It is different if sex is involved though. Unfortunately I understand why we have to have a solid age law on that. 

 

 

[flesh-pocket]

if its love wait the 3-4 years until shes 18, to have sex at least. 15-18 is a bit of an age gap, but 25-28? no one will blink.

[GlassHalfFull]

I'm just curious what you see in her. I'm sure there's plenty of available girls your own age. You should really ask what you see in her is so great, and unusual. Because taking legal and social risks like that has to have a pretty special reason. Some guys take young girls for their innocence, is that it? I agree that there's definitely a power imbalance, and you'll always be given shit about it. My brother dated a 15 year old when he was 19, and it gave him nothing but problems. You're getting ready to go to college or working a full time job, and she's still in high school. You're just more developed than her, man. You should definitely consider this very carefully, and ask yourself what makes her so special. 

[The Dryad]

Eh, well, four years really isn't that bad, my grandparents had a 12 year age difference between them, granted they met, when my grandma was 27, and my great-grandparents had an even greater age difference, so I don't think the age difference in itself is the problem, but rather the timing. You have the be patient if you want a sexual relationship because she is still considered a child and her brain is still developing, much like yours is. Just remain friends. Don't pursue anything with her until she's four years older or older in general. That's my advice to not be a pedophile, not commit statutory rape, stay out of jail/prison, and not have to register as a sexual offender, then having that record follow you wherever you go.