How to separate guilt from sexual thoughts?

[DontStealMyBacon]

I am not new to the concept of asexuality. At age 22, I have known for probably 5 years that I am asexual and aromantic. I was raised catholic and stopped going to church after confirmation in 8th grade. I was not raised to be strongly religious and do not think about religion hardly at all. However, I do still seem to carry plenty of guilt with the small amount of sexual attraction and sex drive that I do experience. Separate from religion, I spent 5 years in elementary and middle school in an Aspergers program. As far as the autism spectrum goes, I am not the most debilitated by autism but I definitely do associate with it. Other people in my school programs and many people native to autism in general tend to prefer structure and rules that other people are not as keen of. I do wonder if this part of my childhood or current mindset adds to the guilt that I feel with the small amount of sexual thoughts that I have.

I have a number of health problems that recently grew into several new diagnoses and seeing somewhere around 25 doctors within the past year. I see comments here and elsewhere saying that asexuality does not have to be the result of any abnormality. With my specific history, I do wonder how much my health problems could have contributed to my lack of sexual attraction. 5 years ago I had a right temporal lobectomy surgery for epilepsy, which removed a piece of my brain about the size of a golf ball that included my right hippocampus and amygdala. Around 6 months ago, I had my testosterone levels tested as a possible explanation for fatigue. Sure enough, my testosterone did come back low and I actually started testosterone injections to raise my testosterone levels. Interestingly, raising my levels has not seemed to affect my libido at all. I do not get erections except at random times (which is to say that I do not get erections from feeling attracted to any people). I have wet dreams, but they seem to not have any sexual content. I somehow tend to ejaculate in the middle of a conversation during wet dreams.

I have never masturbated. I am not really aiming to make this the center of my post, but I have read a little bit here and elsewhere about masturbation and those who have not masturbated. As far as I can tell, there is nothing I am missing considering that I do not currently feel any need to masturbate, but there would probably be some benefits if I did masturbate. I have zero appreciation for porn and tend to only feel guilt when I have looked up porn.

I am willing to accept that I am asexual, and the concept is no longer new to me. I will admit that I did not search extensively for similar posts, but my reasoning was that I did want specific responses. I am not expecting a simple answer to my question, but what tips could you recommend for trying to decrease the guilt I feel with the small amount of sexual thoughts and urges I do have?

[TopHatCat]

I myself was raised catholic and dropped everything after confirmation, identifying as agnostic. As such, I'm all too familiar with how there somehow seemed to be guilt tied to anything we had that wasn't somehow earned or appropriate. Two of my sisters felt incredibly depressed just for being born into middle class (both my parents come from working class though, they didn't want us to have the same disadvantages as them so they worked hard).

 

While it may not have been the intention of the people at our church, there's a general kind of shame that's cast on sexual thoughts and behavior, so I find I'm still adjusting to how differently it's perceived in college. It's like a habit you break, so I have approached it from a logical standpoint and reason out why it's not as inherently bad as I was lead to believe. I'm still not interested in any sort of relationship because of my asexuality, but the way I perceive it has changed because of how the people around me have initiated in the behavior, and how they discuss it.

 

Similarly, I'm still learning how to not become shocked to find out that people are active, or other details about sex (like from party games)-it's a matter of redefining your morals. It's not hurting anyone, there's nothing illegal about it, and in your case it's not like you've gone out of your way to think about these things (even if you had there would be nothing wrong with it). So I have concluded that I should not feel guilt in these situations, and it has taken a lot of stress out of it for me.

[AW10]

Well, guilt will always be, it only matters will you pick "guilt" or "no guilt", it is what you pick that matters, where applies that you initially have to pick between "picking always" and "picking never", and you can pick in accordance with your innate moral.

Innate moral is the most reliable human tool for decision making; no human is capable of "differing right and wrong without self in equation", so humans "invented" God to relieve themselves of "right or wrong duty", and thus focus only on their innate moral.

However, in "haven" Adam and Eve thought that they can know better than God and committed a first sin by concluding that they are capable of "differing right and wrong without self in equation", that is what that story really means, or at least how I view it.

So, the only way to get rid of the guilt is to "return right or wrong duty back to God" and "trust your innate moral when you pick things". Also, you may want to return the other duty to God: you pick what to do with "how you are born", God picks "how you are born".

[Comrade F&F]

If you want to remain with your faith, the best advice I can offer is to simply pray. Having sexual thoughts isn't a sin - it's only part of being an imperfect human being. It's only deemed a sin if it's enacted outside the context of certain criteria - and each church has its own interpretations.

 

As for the guilt - you have to come to the acceptance of the guilt and forgive yourself. I won't vocalize for or against your decision to remain or depart from your belief system, but you do have to first recognize, then accept, then forgive. Be true to yourself. Acknowledge you're only human capable of human things, then find the solution to change it. That will either be to moving to a different system of beliefs, or tempering your resolve and abstaining from actions that make you feel guilt.

 

Welcome to AVEN 

[DontStealMyBacon]

Well I didn't mean to say that I am a very religious person. I am agnostic. I was simply pointing to how I was raised since I think that could be how that guilt works its way into my mind.

[AW10]

43 minutes ago, DontStealMyBacon said:

Well I didn't mean to say that I am a very religious person. I am agnostic. I was simply pointing to how I was raised since I think that could be how that guilt works its way into my mind.

I was not giving you a way back to God and/or religion. I was giving you a way to override things at the very root of you, thus eliminate guilt from behind.