LoneWolf12 Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Does terror at the thought of dating or having any sort of relationship (beyond the boundaries of friendship) mean that I am aromantic? I'm trying not to get caught up in labels, but any form of clarity would be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 I think that might be more "nervous at the prospect of" or "repulsed by the notion of" which could mean aromantic or could also mean... you're just nervous or repulsed by the idea of it. Just like asexuality it's about lack of "romantic attraction" but because there are 4381573572935 debates about what attraction is I just take it to mean "without romantic feelings." I guess it's how you define what is or isn't romantic where that gets sticky. XD Romanticism in general to me seems rather abstract and highly influenced by culture. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 It sounds like you are uncomfortable with the thought of being intimate with someone. You may or may not be aromantic, I'm not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
DesiButters519x Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Hmmm... well I like to think of it this way, with your friends do you think you can be deep with them? By that I mean, share your most deepest secrets with them? Do you feel you can be affectionate with them? Like hugging them or playfully kissing them. Not sexually/romantic, just casual kisses on the cheek or a peak on the lips I mean, holding their hands or just cuddling with them? To me, while this may sound sort of romantic, there are boundaries. With a friend, you wont make out with them, they won't touch you in places a romantic lover would. They won't look at you with that other interest in their eyes. You don't have to go out on dates or worry about what to wear or buy constant gifts to make them happy. They won't expect you to be just "theirs". Overall, I have had friendships like what I just described, I could be deep with them, close, and it filled me up. It didn't scare me because while it was deep, I didn't feel like I owed them anything and they didn't owe me anything. Romance, now THAT, I find it to be a bore. I don't feel anything when someone comes up to me with corny lines, or tries to promise me endless things like a house, a family or happiness. The idea of making out or having someone touch me does nothing for me. (and I dont mean touch in a sexual way, more of a sensual/romantic way). Even if it's not sex you have to be very physical, I tried believe me, and it didn't nothing for me, what can I say? I hope I helped in some way, I mean in my experience, this is what helped me realize that besides asexual, I am also aromantic. Or... if you wanna get funny with it just ask yourself this, does the love story between Jack and Rose in Titanic do anything to you? LOL. No lie I am probably the only girl that finds the love story a bore, I just always found it hard to believe that an intense ass "love" can happen in less than 5 days. If I only ever watched that movie, it was for the real tragic story of Titanic, that... and Leo's face... idk I was just so aesthetically attracted to him. Still kinda amxD Link to post Share on other sites
To Each Their Own Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Oh I am so bored to tears with every romantic scene. I'm watching a perfect sci-fi show and it's ruined by, "oh, isn't he dreamy!" *rolling my eyes* followed by a snogfest. And I'm thinking that that scene didn't add anything to the story line AT ALL! im watching The Voice and it's like every contestant has to talk about their wife and kid how much they love them and I'm sitting there thinking "how does this have ANYTHING to do with music and singing? I mean, it's like even the shows that you would think are the furthest thing away from romance or open public displays of romantic gestures are filled with it. Even the commercials! Link to post Share on other sites
timo0815 Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 On 28.4.2017 at 5:00 PM, paperflames said: I mean, it's like even the shows that you would think are the furthest thing away from romance or open public displays of romantic gestures are filled with it. Even the commercials! This is what kinda scares me, that sexual/romantic people are often so easily manipulated by sexual/romantic content. And how shamelessly this weakness is exploited by the industry. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 On 4/27/2017 at 10:46 PM, LoneWolf12 said: Does terror at the thought of dating or having any sort of relationship (beyond the boundaries of friendship) mean that I am aromantic? Not necessarily. Fear and lack of interest are two mutually independent things. You can have both, none, or just one. Aromantic is a lack of desire for that romantic connection that seems to drive the rest of the world. If you push past your fear and be honest with yourself, do you desire a romantic relationship? That will help answer your question. "I don't know" is perfectly acceptable as an answer, and that might mean you are aromantic, greyromantic, or just plain old normal romantic. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 This is something we can't really determine for you, as it pertains to some of your deepest and most personal feelings and desires. I would say if you have no aims to find a romantic partner and don't feel romantically towards another person (butterflies, intense yearning for them even if you don't want a relationship for whatever reason) then aromantic is a good word to describe that. If it's more based on fear or repulsion, it might depend on whether you work through that and end up wanting a relationship. If you go with aromantic right now for simplicity's sake, well, this is how you describe your feelings and needs. If those change, then you can use another word. We're always discovering new things about ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Quote Does terror at the thought of dating or having any sort of relationship (beyond the boundaries of friendship) mean that I am aromantic? No. A lot of people are nervous about having sex, but that doesn't make them asexual. It's closer (but yet, still arguably not exact) to how much you feel innately driven to pursue relationships with people *despite* that nervousness, similar to how most sexual people that are nervous about sex will eventually push through that nervousness to be able to pursue a sexual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Slayerin96 Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Well, I personally regard romantic attraction, in essence, as that inner thing that urges people to want to pursue a relationship with a certain someone, without further justification. The "dress to impress" stuff, the idea that the person is like a territory to be conquered or whatever they say :-?. That "spark" or what they call it. Like the crush which of acted upon, makes the "crusher" fall in love sooner or later. As in all those bodily reactions (blushing, loss of appetite, lump in the throat, butterflies in stomach, increased heartrate) + the sick feelings of possessiveness and jealousy and suspicion and control mania to varying degrees and in some cases ;-?. All that stuff which is completely foreign to me and makes me question whether I actually have an alien spirit captive in a human body xD. Link to post Share on other sites
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