Afraid of disappointing future partners...

[Serpentine-owl]

Basically I am a biromantic asexual who would like to have a relationship at some point in the near future. At this moment in time I don't think that I would be capable of providing any form of sexual act as the idea makes me extremely uncomfortable to a point where I'm almost repulsed by the thought.

I also have quite a severe case of atychiphobia (fear of failure) which has lead me to be almost paranoid of dating. Quite often I let my phobia get the best of me and I end up neglecting my mental and physical health in order to avoid failure/disappointment. It's gotten to a point where I'm afraid of not being "good enough" for future partners as I wouldn't be comfortable with any form of sexual acts. I've read that some couples come to an agreement where the allosexual will have sex outside of the relationship if they have a medium/high sex drive. Considering my phobia I don't think this will be a suitable solution for me as knowing myself I would more than likely be afraid that they would start to prefer being with someone who can provide them with sexual pleasure.

The only reasonable solution that I can think of is to date a fellow asexual or someone with a very low sex drive. Has anybody else experienced thoughts like this? Or got any advice on how to maintain a successful relationship with an allosexual?

[Laplace]

I'm probably aromantic as well as asexual (so no dating experience to draw on or tested advice to give 😐), but I know a lot of people here will probably relate. Even though it narrows the field significantly, do not compromise sexually if it makes you uncomfortable; forcing yourself to do it will probably make the act awkward and unenjoyable for both parties. Also, I know some people are okay with a polyamorous relationship, but if I was romantic, I feel like I'd feel uncomfortable with the arrangement for the same reasons as you.  It'd be hard to not to feel like the "unfavorite," even if it wasn't the case. All I can really do is wish you luck 🙂👍. Hopefully you'll find someone with similar preferences.

[DesiButters519x]

This is complicated, I can't relate myself since I don't care for either romance or sex. I feel you on the sexual part though, because it would not be fair to both parties to have forced sex. I mean, forced things don't taste good, you'd have to be literally heartless to find it pleasing. (or have no taste buds... lol) I know it might be hard, depending how deeply romantic are you ofc, but you should just take your time, you will eventually meet the right person. It's hard, especially in the world we live in where it seems you can't have romance without sex (or vice versa), but there ARE people out there who just want a romantic relationship. Don't ever settle for less. You deserve to have someone who respects you. It's not impossible, but you can find success with an allosexual person, but that needs time, patience and above all love on both ends... and it's all about taking chances. I do hope you find someone with your similar preferences, it would be best. Least in my POV/experience, since I've met nothing but bimbo's. But I also know that not every allosexual is all about sex. As I said, don't rush it, work on yourself first and take the time you need, do not ever settle for less, because that can lead to disaster.