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Do you react oddly towards romantic lines/gestures?


DesiButters519x

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DesiButters519x

Idk... I am just curious, especially since as of late I have been looking through some aromantic topics. I know not everyone is the same, so it really makes me curious to see how people who are aromantic react when someone is trying to romance them. I hope I am making sense? I know that in most if not all cases, people tend to get romantic to land some sex, but others, are naturally romantic, personally, as crude as it may sound, whenever someone tries to tell me "romantic things", my natural response is to laugh. I don't know, I just tend to find it silly at times? It's the same when men get sexual, (talk sexual to me) I laugh. I find it hilarious and a complete waste of my time. I would just rather be friends, but people overall tend to think it's weird or I am playing hard to get, or the classic one, that something is wrong with me. I don't mean to be this way, because I know that my reaction might be seen as me making fun of someone, but I can't react any other way. I take it all as a joke being said to me. Worst part is, when I try to explain myself, people just don't understand. They tell me I am making things up, when I am not.Worst of all, they find it impossible that I don't even want romance in my life, because to them it's a "human" need, especially if you're a woman. I tell them that there are more ways and many other forms of relationships that can full up a human being, but they tell me that I am wrong because like sex, everyone needs a romance.

 

Overall, I think that part of the reason I laugh when men try to romance me is because they have "I want sex with you" written all over them. Reason why no lie, I have never felt bad for laughing... so in other words, I perhaps have never met a real honest romantic person. Then again I laugh at romance movies... boy... I sound cold don't I? Lol... but don't get me wrong, I may not find romance appealing, but unlike sexual people, (because most I have meet/seen are disgusting about it) I feel a soft spot for actual romantic people. My mother is one of them, and she use to get in trouble and was seen as something else just because she wanted an honest romance with a partner.

 

Sorry for the bad rambling... I think I ended up not making sense. LOL.

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When someone hits on me I'm pretty much a stone wall and never catch on till later or someone tells me.

real ex.

Girl: Wow that's a lot of stuff

Me: Yep

Girl: I bet you're pretty strong

Me: not really

Girl: oh come on you work out, right?

Me: Pffft, yah right! 

*Walks away laughing*

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happilyirrelevant

I usually act very unintentionally rude because it makes me feel so awkward I basically turn into a brick wall and give monosyllabic answers. :lol:

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I just don't notice

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Fabulous Mermaid

I'm not entirely sure if I'm aromantic, but it's starting to seem that way to me. I usually don't notice when people try and flirt. But when/if I do, I just try to friendzone them.

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DesiButters519x
7 hours ago, Marrow said:

When someone hits on me I'm pretty much a stone wall and never catch on till later or someone tells me.

real ex.

Girl: Wow that's a lot of stuff

Me: Yep

Girl: I bet you're pretty strong

Me: not really

Girl: oh come on you work out, right?

Me: Pffft, yah right! 

*Walks away laughing*

No lie I wish I was more like this instead of laughing. But wow... honestly I do not blame you. Overall I find these moments tiring.

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DesiButters519x
7 hours ago, happilyirrelevant said:

I usually act very unintentionally rude because it makes me feel so awkward I basically turn into a brick wall and give monosyllabic answers. :lol:

That use to be me when I was a teenager I admit, but only after I noticed the romantic advances. I don't blame you... tbh, I always ask myself "why?" I prefer it when I am literally unlooked at. OmgxD I can only imagine their responses. When I laugh my a** off I literally get called cruel, but I can't help it.

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DesiButters519x
6 hours ago, Tintinfan said:

I just don't notice

I wish I could go back to the days I didn't notice either. So you're lucky... because it gets annoying. I mean I don't go through this often, but when I do, I laugh instead. It oddly makes me feel good and safe. (As terrible as it might sound)

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DesiButters519x
3 hours ago, Fabulous Mermaid said:

I'm not entirely sure if I'm aromantic, but it's starting to seem that way to me. I usually don't notice when people try and flirt. But when/if I do, I just try to friendzone them.

You might be, you could talk to me about it if you want suggestions with that? I say suggestions since only you can tell yourself if you really are aromantic or not. As I said, I wish I didn't notice, I use to be this way before. I do as well, but sadly some men I've met seem to not take friendship for an answer, then it just gets annoying af and I have to resort to being REALLY mean. I hope you have better experiences than I do, because it's just so exhausting to say the least.

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Well I'm also not sure about my romantic orientation but in these situations (which happen pretty rarely) my reaction is very similiar. I usually start laughing uncontrollably. I don't even know why but for me the romantic gestures are either hilarious or weird. 

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17 hours ago, Marrow said:

When someone hits on me I'm pretty much a stone wall and never catch on till later or someone tells me.

real ex.

Girl: Wow that's a lot of stuff

Me: Yep

Girl: I bet you're pretty strong

Me: not really

Girl: oh come on you work out, right?

Me: Pffft, yah right! 

*Walks away laughing*

Quite honestly, my reaction would probably be either similar, same or it would click a bit and I would start to wonder "What do you even want from me right now… What's your motive?! It must be ulterior!" – alternatively I would wonder where they got that strength aspect from. I don't care about being strong at all and it would surely sound made-up. :lol:

Then again, looking at this conversation in a neutral point of view outside of the situation… that sounds like a pretty overused flirting attempt.

 

I can't really tell, nobody ever made such attempts of what would be considered a romantic gesture, but on the romantic lines, I probably just miss out on it and just don't get it like in the conversation fragment I quoted.

I'd probably feel flattered if it was some obvious (and nice) romantic gesture and be a bit dumbstruck at first. If I don't like the person, I'd probably go "Oh, no…" and figure out how to nicely say "No, thanks. Not interested" with it being obvious. I don't think any of these are really considered odd reactions but more or less normal. I'm totally not opposed to gestures (hey, it would probably do a lot to my perception of self-worth :P), but don't count on pickup lines with me.

 

But as I said, it's just a "what if". I won't be able to tell until it actually happens and I show up on someone's radar. :P

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ChillaKilla
18 hours ago, happilyirrelevant said:

I usually act very unintentionally rude because it makes me feel so awkward I basically turn into a brick wall and give monosyllabic answers. :lol:

ME. This person keeps trying to get in my DMs and I'm doing exactly that. Hitting them with the "k" "lol" "haha" "cool" "hm" :P 

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@Sylvastor @Marrow I wouldn't go straight to assuming that they have an ulterior motive. Other people can see you differently than you see yourself, so that could be one reason why they might say something like that. Another is that they may compliment you in that way because they are attracted to you, regardless of whether or not you are actually strong. Their aim is to draw attention to the fact that they're noticing your body. I don't know how much of an indication that is of romantic interest, it sounds more like sexual attraction.

 

Personally I don't flirt with anyone by making comments about their physical appearance. Aside from being kind of repulsed by that type of flirting, I think it might send across the wrong message. My kind of flirting seems to be making fun of someone in a playful way, and I really only flirt like that if I know the other person will respond well to it.

 

When someone is flirting with me and I'm not comfortable with it, I tend to laugh nervously a lot. I'm not certain how to react to it.

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I don't even notice such things.. Or react quite awkward / maybe something percieved as cold

But usually I see things only in a friendly way, so I will react as a friend ;)

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5 hours ago, Ocean Eyes said:

@Sylvastor @Marrow I wouldn't go straight to assuming that they have an ulterior motive. Other people can see you differently than you see yourself, so that could be one reason why they might say something like that. Another is that they may compliment you in that way because they are attracted to you, regardless of whether or not you are actually strong. Their aim is to draw attention to the fact that they're noticing your body. I don't know how much of an indication that is of romantic interest, it sounds more like sexual attraction.

 

Personally I don't flirt with anyone by making comments about their physical appearance. Aside from being kind of repulsed by that type of flirting, I think it might send across the wrong message. My kind of flirting seems to be making fun of someone in a playful way, and I really only flirt like that if I know the other person will respond well to it.

 

When someone is flirting with me and I'm not comfortable with it, I tend to laugh nervously a lot. I'm not certain how to react to it.

But let's be honest here, Im pretty frikin buff *flexes* 8)

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Fabulous Mermaid
17 hours ago, DesiButters519x said:

You might be, you could talk to me about it if you want suggestions with that? I say suggestions since only you can tell yourself if you really are aromantic or not. As I said, I wish I didn't notice, I use to be this way before. I do as well, but sadly some men I've met seem to not take friendship for an answer, then it just gets annoying af and I have to resort to being REALLY mean. I hope you have better experiences than I do, because it's just so exhausting to say the least.

Wow, thanks! Really appreciate it. Heheh, yeah it's kinda weird because I used to get crushes all the time when I was little, and then when I hit my teen years, when I was supposed to go through a boy-crazy phase or whatever, I completely lost all interest in dating.

 

But yeah, being flirted with can be really exhausting when you don't want to date anyone... it happens to me all the time when I talk to this one friend, because we used to date years ago and that was the last relationship I was ever in. We're still friends, but every other word I say has to be a friendzone or else he'll think I'm flirting back, hehe. I end up feeling kind of guilty whether I manage to clearly reject him or not. But hey, what can you do? I always bring my sibling when we hang out so that it can't be a date, XD.

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Blueberry Pie

I tend to not notice until it's really obvious or if I'm outright asked out.

 

I had this friend that I thought was doing all these nice things for me because it's "what friends do." But nope, romantic intentions.

 

I guess that explains why my "friend" was really upset when my brother joined the two of us at the arcade. Looking back on it, the guy must have thought it was a date. He asked me out to the movies and everything, and I was basically, "sounds like a nice, casual thing to do with a friend!"

 

But then...

Friend: How do you feel about relationships?

Me: Oh, I'm not interested in those things at all. :D

Friend: Want to be my romantic partner?

Me: Wut. [Can't answer because of total shock.]

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I tend to notice right away when someone's trying to flirt, and it makes me suuuper uncomfortable. All of a sudden all my walls go up and I become really cold. I'm not really sure why, they just come across to me as being really ingenuine and I want to escape. I'm sure from their perspective that is not the case, and I am probably just romance repulsed or equating their romantic interest with sexual interest. Still, it's hard to take the person's interest seriously, because on some level I don't understand why they would act that way towards me or show interest without even knowing me well.    

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Before I knew I was aromantic, I always just told my friends and family that I lacked the "radar" to notice if someone was trying to flirt with me.

 

We've all laughed more than once about how my husband (then friend from school) tried to court me while I was totally oblivious. He'd ask me out on dates and I'd think he was just asking me out to do things as a friend. My mother was the one to point out to me that he was trying to date me. 

 

Now that I'm married (and I know he's trying to be romantic) I get uncomfortable when he tries to be romantic. I can get embarrassed, tongue-tied or try to make a joke of it. 

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On 4/27/2017 at 0:25 PM, DesiButters519x said:

Idk... I am just curious, especially since as of late I have been looking through some aromantic topics. I know not everyone is the same, so it really makes me curious to see how people who are aromantic react when someone is trying to romance them. I hope I am making sense? I know that in most if not all cases, people tend to get romantic to land some sex, but others, are naturally romantic, personally, as crude as it may sound, whenever someone tries to tell me "romantic things", my natural response is to laugh. I don't know, I just tend to find it silly at times? It's the same when men get sexual, (talk sexual to me) I laugh. I find it hilarious and a complete waste of my time. I would just rather be friends, but people overall tend to think it's weird or I am playing hard to get, or the classic one, that something is wrong with me. I don't mean to be this way, because I know that my reaction might be seen as me making fun of someone, but I can't react any other way. I take it all as a joke being said to me. Worst part is, when I try to explain myself, people just don't understand. They tell me I am making things up, when I am not.Worst of all, they find it impossible that I don't even want romance in my life, because to them it's a "human" need, especially if you're a woman. I tell them that there are more ways and many other forms of relationships that can full up a human being, but they tell me that I am wrong because like sex, everyone needs a romance.

 

Overall, I think that part of the reason I laugh when men try to romance me is because they have "I want sex with you" written all over them. Reason why no lie, I have never felt bad for laughing... so in other words, I perhaps have never met a real honest romantic person. Then again I laugh at romance movies... boy... I sound cold don't I? Lol... but don't get me wrong, I may not find romance appealing, but unlike sexual people, (because most I have meet/seen are disgusting about it) I feel a soft spot for actual romantic people. My mother is one of them, and she use to get in trouble and was seen as something else just because she wanted an honest romance with a partner.

 

Sorry for the bad rambling... I think I ended up not making sense. LOL.

Hey, I'm romantic and I still want to laugh out loud at some of the utter idiocy of  many of the "romantic" overtures and idioms used by most sexuals...when I actually make the connection that that is what is happening. I think that's because asexuals have a different concept of romanticism than coitus-as-the-ultimate-goal  :D 

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