Stupid libido (TMI? Maybe?)

[Comrade F&F]

*deep breath*

 

Okay. This is really personal. Here we go.

 

This weird...quirky thing...my whole biological system decides it needs to do because for whatever reason it wants to procreate. It's purely biological, and when it happens I am simply, "Nyeeeeh....why?"

 

I hate it. I'm asexual. There is literally nothing connected to the end of this libido. It just happens. I still can't wholly figure out what the heck sets it off, aside from the fact it somehow corresponds to my monthly cycle. I mean, I have an idea, but fantasizing upon that idea just does nothing. Maybe I'm demi, maybe I'm grace, maybe I'm straight up ace...I might just be sliding along the spectrum, but I never leave it.

 

The only way I know of how to get rid of this libido is to masturbate. It's synonymous to a male asexual 'cleaning the pipes' just that I'm a woman. But yanno...asexual...no desires connected to it...I have no idea how to go about this. I literally do not know what I'm supposed to be thinking about. If I try to think about sex, it just makes everything a huge big bother. It's pointless and a waste of time. I've only really enjoyed it in only two instances in my entire adult life because I somehow managed to not think about it.

 

Before I found out about asexuality, and even still, I try to think about sex, because that's apparently what you're supposed to think about. But in truth, that doesn't work. It's caused me a great deal of distress in the past, arguing with myself that maybe I wasn't asexual. But it really can't be. Asexuals can have a healthy libido, asexuality exists, and I need to stop antagonizing myself because truthfully, calling myself anything besides asexual feels erroneous at best. Every time I begin questioning the potential fallacies I ultimately come to a point where I stop and admit, "Yeah, no. This just does not work!" I know I'm not gay but I can't be straight either. There is just...no desire.

 

And yet this libido will pop up once in a blue moon. This weird fluctuation of chemistry in my body.

 

Now that I've broken the ice wall by making this post, I can't be the only asexual who has this.

 

How do you handle it? do you have any advice?

[mrsmiawallace]

8 minutes ago, Feys&Florets said:

And yet this libido will pop up once in a blue moon. This weird fluctuation of chemistry in my body.

 

Now that I've broken the ice wall by making this post, I can't be the only asexual who has this.

 

How do you handle it? do you have any advice?

I have this too, I could go years and years without sexual relationships but every so often, my body reminds me I need to procreate somehow, lol. And that feels weird, because your healthy average person would want to satisfy this urge and have sex with someone else, but not me. I guess I just masturbate it away, and then I'm back to normal. 

 

I don't look for anyone to satisfy my sex urges, and I think that is primarily what makes me (and maybe you) an asexual.

[God of the Forest]

43 minutes ago, Feys&Florets said:

*deep breath*

 

Okay. This is really personal. Here we go.

 

This weird...quirky thing...my whole biological system decides it needs to do because for whatever reason it wants to procreate. It's purely biological, and when it happens I am simply, "Nyeeeeh....why?"

 

I hate it. I'm asexual. There is literally nothing connected to the end of this libido. It just happens. I still can't wholly figure out what the heck sets it off, aside from the fact it somehow corresponds to my monthly cycle. I mean, I have an idea, but fantasizing upon that idea just does nothing. Maybe I'm demi, maybe I'm grace, maybe I'm straight up ace...I might just be sliding along the spectrum, but I never leave it.

 

Ooorrr maybe youre just a human that has fluctuating levels of hormones like every other human lol

[Comrade F&F]

7 minutes ago, RipleyJ said:

Ooorrr maybe youre just a human that has fluctuating levels of hormones like every other human lol

*snerk*

 

Yeah that might be it. XD

[God of the Forest]

2 minutes ago, Feys&Florets said:

*snerk*

 

Yeah that might be it. XD

sorry im not trying to shit on your search for answers, I just feel like youre confusing yourself by overthinking, which is the issue I have with labels..because you run into this issue with labels where you've settled on one and get to feeling like its right and then bam! biological processes start inevitably occuring and you start to feel different and it confuses you and youre like "oh no! what if I wasnt even *insert label here* in the first place!?" and you start to loose yourself in this pool of searching for another label, OR you get into genderfluidity where people identify as a one gender one day a another gender the next when its really likely that you should probably get a check up with the doctor or realize that youre feeling so different so frequently because your hormones are outta whack ( no lie, there is this person I know of that has 4 different sets of bracelets, each representing a different gender that they wear so that people know what pronouns to use that day, and im sorry but im not gonna jump on that train of a gender for everryday of the week. If someone wants to be called "he" fine, if someone wants be called "she" fine, if someone wants be called "they" fine, but im not gonna call you "he" on monday, "she" on wednesday and then "they" on saturday). "Human" is really the only realistic and accurate label that is guarunteed to stick. Thats why you have people that will only recognize two genders or sexualites because they realize its too fucking confusing and in the end does it really help you understand that much about yourself?

[Comrade F&F]

11 minutes ago, RipleyJ said:

sorry im not trying to shit on your search for answers, I just feel like youre confusing yourself by overthinking, which is the issue I have with labels..because you run into this issue with labels where you've settled on one and get to feeling like its right and then bam! biological processes start inevitably occuring and you start to feel different and it confuses you and youre like "oh no! what if I wasnt even *insert label here* in the first place!?" and you start to loose yourself in this pool of searching for another label, OR you get into genderfluidity where people identify as a one gender one day a another gender the next when its really likely that you should probably get a check up with the doctor or realize that youre feeling so different so frequently because your hormones are outta whack ( no lie, there is this person I know of that has 4 different sets of bracelets, each representing a different gender that they wear so that people know what pronouns to use that day, and im sorry but im not gonna jump on that train of a gender for everryday of the week. If someone wants to be called "he" fine, if someone wants be called "she" fine, if someone wants be called "they" fine, but im not gonna call you "he" on monday, "she" on wednesday and then "they" on saturday). "Human" is really the only realistic and accurate label that is guarunteed to stick. Thats why you have people that will only recognize two genders or sexualites because they realize its too fucking confusing and in the end does it really help you understand that much about yourself?

I...needed to hear that.

 

I do overthink things - it's just how my brain works and there's nothing I can really do about that. I'm very analytical. So I need to be reminded to chill.

[God of the Forest]

7 minutes ago, Feys&Florets said:

I...needed to hear that.

 

I do overthink things - it's just how my brain works and there's nothing I can really do about that. I'm very analytical. So I need to be reminded to chill.

Aww, now I feel bad because I went on that rant and you took it so well. I just.. I dont want you to get lost in things that dont even matter. Just be your beautiful self and dont worry about what to call that beautiful self. How about beautiful? Lets label you that! I think its appropriate!

[Comrade F&F]

22 minutes ago, RipleyJ said:

Aww, now I feel bad because I went on that rant and you took it so well. I just.. I dont want you to get lost in things that dont even matter. Just be your beautiful self and dont worry about what to call that beautiful self. How about beautiful? Lets label you that! I think its appropriate!

Yes, that's very appropriate.

 

XD

[God of the Forest]

Good, and I like you and I wanna be friends with you so Im gonna follow you on here. Would that be ok with you?

[Comrade F&F]

-shrugs- I guess, sure.

[God of the Forest]

Just now, Feys&Florets said:

-shrugs- I guess, sure.

haha, well alright. See, you got a new friend and you didnt need a label to get it :P (and yes I realize the oddity of my comment before this one, I just like to be 100% straight forward with people) lol 

[Comrade F&F]

Awesome. Now, onto my original question:

 

How do fellow aces handle libido? It would be wonderful if it never happened again but that's not going to be the case. Soooo...

 

How does everyone else take care of it?

[God of the Forest]

1 minute ago, Feys&Florets said:

Awesome. Now, onto my original question:

 

How do fellow aces handle libido? It would be wonderful if it never happened again but that's not going to be the case. Soooo...

 

How does everyone else take care of it?

While many may tell you masturbating is how they handle it, its really not that effective..because..well let me put it in laymans terms..when you feed an appetite, it grows..so if you what you want is to calm your libido down, stop finger blasting yourself, zip up those pants, excercise regularly and figure out if there might be something triggering it and avoid that thing...lol 

[swirl_of_blue]

I have really, really big fluctuations in libido. It seems to correlate with the phases of my hormonal cycle, though I have not actually written down any observations. My libido is strongest prior to the start of my menses and the weakest after menses, with the biggest change probably happening around ovulation. This actually makes sense, because libido exists to make sure the female gets pregnant, and ovulation is the time when you're going to have the best chance of getting pregnant. I didn't have as strong libido fluctuations when I was using the pill (combination of estrogen and progesterone or their analogues) to control my highly irregular menses, which also makes sense as the naturaly hormonal changes were suppressed byt the hormones in the pills.

 

How do I handle it? Oh, I actually enjoy it when I have high libido, so you can guess what I do. My "record" is four or five times during 24 hours. When my libido is low I can go a week without (but usually not much longer). I feel no discomfort in "fulfilling" my libido, as long as I can do it alone (which is always, since I have no partner I would have to take into account). It's great stress relief, and I enjoy the endorphin/oxytocin rush. If only I could have cuddles afterwards...

[SamwiseLovesLife]

4 hours ago, Feys&Florets said:

I hate it. I'm asexual. There is literally nothing connected to the end of this libido. It just happens. I still can't wholly figure out what the heck sets it off, aside from the fact it somehow corresponds to my monthly cycle.

I think this is quite normal. I have absolutely no desire to have sex with anyone (again) but there are times (usually around my menstration) that I feel the need to self-pleasure, or even watch some porn (which incidentally grosses me out as soon as I am done).

 

4 hours ago, Feys&Florets said:

Asexuals can have a healthy libido, asexuality exists, and I need to stop antagonizing myself because truthfully, calling myself anything besides asexual feels erroneous at best. Every time I begin questioning the potential fallacies I ultimately come to a point where I stop and admit, "Yeah, no. This just does not work!" I know I'm not gay but I can't be straight either. There is just...no desire.

Exactly how I feel, and how you should think about it <3

[LuciferBarrio]

57 minutes ago, swirl_of_blue said:

I feel no discomfort in "fulfilling" my libido, as long as I can do it alone (which is always, since I have no partner I would have to take into account). It's great stress relief, and I enjoy the endorphin/oxytocin rush.

I am the same, I enjoy it, sometimes I made it worst, but I am becoming better in manage it. I bought a  new vibrator and it helps a lot .

 

[SamwiseLovesLife]

1 hour ago, swirl_of_blue said:

If only I could have cuddles afterwards...

XD Cuddles after self-love would be hilarious and totally weird

[swirl_of_blue]

Just now, SamwiseLovesLife said:

XD Cuddles after self-love would be hilarious and totally weird

The nice oxytocin afterglow feels wasted if there's no one to share it with. It wouldn't feel weird to me, but the partner might not think the same way... They would have to wait in a separate room and then just be called in for cuddles after I've finished.

[Puck]

14 hours ago, Feys&Florets said:

I hate it. I'm asexual. There is literally nothing connected to the end of this libido. It just happens. I still can't wholly figure out what the heck sets it off, aside from the fact it somehow corresponds to my monthly cycle. I mean, I have an idea, but fantasizing upon that idea just does nothing.

This is %100 normal and many aces with female bodies go through this. It's just your body saying "Hey! If you wanted to have a baby, this is the time!" It's nothing you need to feel ashamed about or feel that it makes you less of an asexual. Plenty of ace folks go through it; if you feel that the asexual label fits you, this isn't a reason to doubt that.

 

14 hours ago, Feys&Florets said:

Before I found out about asexuality, and even still, I try to think about sex, because that's apparently what you're supposed to think about. But in truth, that doesn't work. It's caused me a great deal of distress in the past, arguing with myself that maybe I wasn't asexual. But it really can't be. Asexuals can have a healthy libido, asexuality exists, and I need to stop antagonizing myself because truthfully, calling myself anything besides asexual feels erroneous at best. Every time I begin questioning the potential fallacies I ultimately come to a point where I stop and admit, "Yeah, no. This just does not work!" I know I'm not gay but I can't be straight either. There is just...no desire.

Take a deep breath. Everything you are feeling, no matter what labels you have found to fit you, is ok, valid, and allowed  Only you can label yourself, but to me there doesn't seem any need to change your label. You are fine, and, on AVEN, you are with people who have experience similar things. If you don't feel desire, you don't feel desire, and that is that. Don't worry so much, what your feeling needn't make you feel so unsure, you are ok!

 

12 hours ago, Feys&Florets said:

How do fellow aces handle libido? It would be wonderful if it never happened again but that's not going to be the case. Soooo...

 

How does everyone else take care of it?

Lots of aces have a libido, most who do just deal with it through masturbation. Different forms work for different folks, just find what works for you. It's just like "cleaning the pipes," that's the quote  You're body just needs to be "serviced" and then you can move on to bigger and better things.

 

13 hours ago, RipleyJ said:

you get into genderfluidity where people identify as a one gender one day a another gender the next when its really likely that you should probably get a check up with the doctor or realize that youre feeling so different so frequently because your hormones are outta whack ( no lie, there is this person I know of that has 4 different sets of bracelets, each representing a different gender that they wear so that people know what pronouns to use that day, and im sorry but im not gonna jump on that train of a gender for everryday of the week. If someone wants to be called "he" fine, if someone wants be called "she" fine, if someone wants be called "they" fine, but im not gonna call you "he" on monday, "she" on wednesday and then "they" on saturday). "Human" is really the only realistic and accurate label that is guarunteed to stick. Thats why you have people that will only recognize two genders or sexualites because they realize its too fucking confusing and in the end does it really help you understand that much about yourself?

Careful, it sounds like you might really be invalidating that person you know  I know it's not always easy to figure out pronouns, but for some people it's really important to them and ignoring their wishes makes them feel like you don't care about what makes them feel whole. I really do understand that switching daily is hard, but that person might just be trying to figure themselves out; some acceptance and support can go a long way to letting them do so. I think whats key is remember it's not about the pronouns for them, it's about their identity. It's about how they want to be seen. It's about who they are. Some do have hormone issues, but there are some people who truly don't identify with the two traditional genders. There are lots of studies that show that third genders very much exist. I don't think you meant to be harsh, but keep in mind that their journey is important to them and deserves to be respected.

 

I like that you said "human" is the best label. I think that's so true and important to keep in mind. Every person is a human and deserves respect and the ability to figure out their own deal

[God of the Forest]

2 minutes ago, Puck said:

Careful, it sounds like you might really be invalidating that person you know  I know it's not always easy to figure out pronouns, but for some people it's really important to them and ignoring their wishes makes them feel like you don't care about what makes them feel whole. I really do understand that switching daily is hard, but that person might just be trying to figure themselves out; some acceptance and support can go a long way to letting them do so. I think whats key is remember it's not about the pronouns for them, it's about their identity. It's about how they want to be seen. Some do have hormone issues, but there are some people who truly don't identify with the two traditional genders. There are lots of studies that show that third genders very much exist. I don't think you meant to be harsh, but keep in mind that their journey is important to them and deserves to be respected.

 

I like that you said "human" is the best label. I think that's so true and important to keep in mind. Every person is a human and deserves respect and the ability to figure out their own deal

I understand and I dont want to be unsupportive but there is also what is within reason you know? If you change your mind once or even twice, cool no worries. but every other day? I think I'd rather them just call me when they've figured it out lol

[Puck]

55 minutes ago, RipleyJ said:

I understand and I dont want to be unsupportive but there is also what is within reason you know? If you change your mind once or even twice, cool no worries. but every other day? I think I'd rather them just call me when they've figured it out lol

That's your choice, you don't have to interact with people you don't want to.

 

But understand that you might be actively invalidating their journey, their attempts to find themselves. They aren't trying to inconvenience you or anyone else, they are trying to live the best life they can. It's up to you if you are willing to support them, but I truly hope you would at very least respect them as people and thus their choices. If you are inconvenienced or confused, you can absolutely step away. That is totally something you can choose to do.

[God of the Forest]

Just now, Puck said:

That's your choice, you don't have to interact with people you don't want to.

 

But understand that you might be actively invalidating their journey, their attempts to find themselves. They aren't trying to inconvenience you or anyone else, they are trying to live the best life they can. It's up to you if you are willing to support them, but I truly hope you would at very least respect them as people and thus their choices. If you are inconvenienced or confused, you can absolutely step away. That is totally something you can choose to do.

Agreed.. and thank you

[Philip027]

Quote

( no lie, there is this person I know of that has 4 different sets of bracelets, each representing a different gender that they wear so that people know what pronouns to use that day, and im sorry but im not gonna jump on that train of a gender for everryday of the week. If someone wants to be called "he" fine, if someone wants be called "she" fine, if someone wants be called "they" fine, but im not gonna call you "he" on monday, "she" on wednesday and then "they" on saturday).

Holy shit, rofl

 

Yeah, I wouldn't bother either.  To me that's right up there in weirdness with the people who insist their pronoun is "pretty pink princess" or something.

 

I understand being confused about what you are because my partner undergoes something like that too, but expecting others to roll with changes that fluctuate that wildly is absurd.  If you fall into this box it's best if you just get used to any of the potential pronouns you regularly use, because very few people are going to "adjust" along with you.

 

Quote

Careful, it sounds like you might really be invalidating that person you know 

Oh, give me a break.  If this came from anyone other than a mod I'd have assumed this was blatant sarcasm.

[Alexshores]

I never really thought about it all like that, I sort of just do it when I feel the urge to and pay more attention to what my hands are doing than what's going through my head. I'm sure that doesn't work for everyone though. 

I do actually think of sex sometimes and that seems to work for me but I'm no good at enjoying sex. I guess I'm just better at masturbation than sex. 

[Curious Decay]

TMI? Yes, mainly cause you wrote a lot, not nessisarily because of the content. As for advice, don't focus on the urge. I handle it because I simply don't have much if an urge, desire, pretty much nothing, so masturbating is unnesisary. Overall tho the idea of simply not focusing on something that becomes annoying, or unwanted can work relatively well. Focus on something else like, a hobby, or just try silencing your brain. Thats what I often try to do so err, good luck.

[iridian]

Had those same feelings towards it at the beginning and sometimes it still kinda annoys me, depends on the mood of the moment. Lately though i started to be more chill and open about it and take it for what it is. *shrugs* Also i don't really think about anything, because most of the time nothing really gets me, so i just concentrate on the feelings..