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what-am-i

I am confused.

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what-am-i

Hey, so I just made this account because I have been very interested in this website for a while. Now, I have been questioning my sexuality for almost a year now and I still haven't figured it out. I don't get turned on by people, yet I masturbate. I don't really see people as hot whether it be a boy or a girl. I have had a crush on a girl, although I am not quite sure if it was a crush. I have also had a few crushes on boys. I can recognize when someone is cute. I have never had a desire to have sex. In fact, I don't like the idea of it. Porn doesn't turn me on, as it does my friends. Overall, I just need help figuring out what the fuck I am

 

Thx ^_^

 

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Starfall

Hi and Welcome to AVEN!!!!

From what you've described, it sounds like you might be somewhere on the ace spectrum. Asexuality is usually defined as someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction or desire. Does that sound like you? Lots of asexuals masturbate, and most of us can recognize when someone is aesthetically attractive, even if we don't feel any sense of attraction based on another's physical characteristics. Asexuals can also get squishes - which are like crushes, only based in romantic attraction, rather than sexual. Only you can decide for certain what you are, but don't worry about being wrong. We don't mind people identifying as ace for a while, even if they later change their minds. I hope that helps.

:cake::cake::cake::cake::cake:

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DesiButters519x

I have to agree with Starfall on everything they said. Overall, just take your time, explore yourself more, there is no rush. It's frustrating as fuck at times, I speak from experience, but that's what life is all about, for some people, it's not easy to get it right away, and that's okay. I think that we all know in the bottom of our minds and hearts just what we are, (when it comes to that topic I mean) but society at times tends to make us doubt a lot. I mean... you as well as I well know that it's all about sex, especially now a day, least in the world I live in. If that makes sense... lol. 

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Puck

Hey there, welcome to AVEN! I hope this site can be a great resource for you :)

 

@Starfall said everything well, and so I'll just have to agree with them on their post!

 

I think it's important to note, too, that sexual attraction is separate from romantic attraction. Many asexuals call their romantic attractions squishes, though many also just call them crushes. A romantic attraction just means you want to be with someone romantically, you want to date them and so forth, but that doesn't mean you necessarily have to find them sexually attractive.

 

But as has been said, figuring out one's sexuality can be confusing and tricky, but it's amazing that you are taking the time to figure yourself out and do the research needed! You are the only one who can label yourself, but asexuality sounds like it could be something that you might find fits. These forums are a great place to ask questions and find answers to things that have already been asked.

 

Good luck on your journey!

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Starfall

Thanks @Puck. I've never really felt I completely understood squishes, so I'm glad you clarified that.

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Puck
12 minutes ago, Starfall said:

Thanks @Puck. I've never really felt I completely understood squishes, so I'm glad you clarified that.

They're kind of confusing :P Some people say they are a platonic crush, like you really want to be friends with someone. Others say they are a crush where you don't feel sexual attraction. I don't know that it's nailed down. I personally just say crush when I like someone (though I don't experience sexual attraction) but you can always go with what makes sense to you :)

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Starfall
1 hour ago, Puck said:

They're kind of confusing :P Some people say they are a platonic crush, like you really want to be friends with someone. Others say they are a crush where you don't feel sexual attraction. I don't know that it's nailed down. I personally just say crush when I like someone (though I don't experience sexual attraction) but you can always go with what makes sense to you :)

Based on what you're describing, I don't think I experience this phenomenon. So, nothing's going to entirely make sense to me.:P It should make sense to people who experience it though, so that's the important part.

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Puck
1 hour ago, Starfall said:

Based on what you're describing, I don't think I experience this phenomenon. So, nothing's going to entirely make sense to me.:P It should make sense to people who experience it though, so that's the important part.

That's totally fair :D I'll be honest that I don't feel squishes as in platonic friends, though I get crushes, so I am just echoing what I've learned about it :P

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Slayerin96
On 4/27/2017 at 5:46 AM, Starfall said:

Asexuals can also get squishes - which are like crushes, only based in romantic attraction, rather than sexual. 

No, a squish is a desire to get to know someone better and forming a bond with them (varying from friends to best friends, or queerplatonic partners later on). It is NOT romantic or sexual in nature.

 

A crush is part of a romantic attraction, like that "spark" alloromantics describe. Sexual attraction may or may not be present in that case. 

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Starfall
13 hours ago, Slayerin96 said:

No, a squish is a desire to get to know someone better and forming a bond with them (varying from friends to best friends, or queerplatonic partners later on). It is NOT romantic or sexual in nature.

 

A crush is part of a romantic attraction, like that "spark" alloromantics describe. Sexual attraction may or may not be present in that case. 

I've heard varying definitions, myself. It seems to be a little loosely defined. 

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Deus Ex Infinity
On 27.4.2017 at 3:01 AM, what-am-i said:

Hey, so I just made this account because I have been very interested in this website for a while. Now, I have been questioning my sexuality for almost a year now and I still haven't figured it out. I don't get turned on by people, yet I masturbate. I don't really see people as hot whether it be a boy or a girl. I have had a crush on a girl, although I am not quite sure if it was a crush. I have also had a few crushes on boys. I can recognize when someone is cute. I have never had a desire to have sex. In fact, I don't like the idea of it. Porn doesn't turn me on, as it does my friends. Overall, I just need help figuring out what the fuck I am

 

Thx ^_^

 

Hello and welcome!

 

I can really see and relate myself to your description. I'm not here to give you the "right" lable. I decided to put myself somewhere inbetween the demi/gray ace category. Maybe it's something that could work for you too.

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what-am-i
On 4/26/2017 at 10:46 PM, Starfall said:

Hi and Welcome to AVEN!!!!

From what you've described, it sounds like you might be somewhere on the ace spectrum. Asexuality is usually defined as someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction or desire. Does that sound like you? Lots of asexuals masturbate, and most of us can recognize when someone is aesthetically attractive, even if we don't feel any sense of attraction based on another's physical characteristics. Asexuals can also get squishes - which are like crushes, only based in romantic attraction, rather than sexual. Only you can decide for certain what you are, but don't worry about being wrong. We don't mind people identifying as ace for a while, even if they later change their minds. I hope that helps.

:cake::cake::cake::cake::cake:

Hey, I know it's been a while but I'm not honestly sure what sexual attraction is? If it is wanting to have sex/being turned on by someone then I am either asexual or a (late?) bloomer. If you could explain a bit more that would be great :). Again, sorry for the like, 2 1/2 month delay; I've been busy with school then family vacation so not much time to myself 

 

Thanks!

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roland.o
4 hours ago, what-am-i said:

I'm not honestly sure what sexual attraction is?

Don't worry, this question comes up on a regular basis. Have you checked what the wiki says?

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction

 

The people who wrote that tried to explain things to the best of their abilities. But nevertheless, a text on a web page cannot answer all questions, so feel free to continue asking :-)

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what-am-i
On 7/12/2017 at 2:23 AM, roland.o said:

Don't worry, this question comes up on a regular basis. Have you checked what the wiki says?

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction

 

The people who wrote that tried to explain things to the best of their abilities. But nevertheless, a text on a web page cannot answer all questions, so feel free to continue asking :-)

I have checked the wiki, although I'm still not exactly sure. I'm pretty sure I'm ace, seeing as when I see naked people, I don't get turned on, or a desire to have sex, but I'm still not fully clear on what it is. Thanks :D

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Starfall
On July 11, 2017 at 8:57 PM, what-am-i said:

Hey, I know it's been a while but I'm not honestly sure what sexual attraction is? If it is wanting to have sex/being turned on by someone then I am either asexual or a (late?) bloomer. If you could explain a bit more that would be great :). Again, sorry for the like, 2 1/2 month delay; I've been busy with school then family vacation so not much time to myself 

 

Thanks!

No Problem. I haven't been on in a month or so, hence the massive delay in getting back to you. It looks like you pretty much figured things out though, so that's good. Do you still want an answer to this question?

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Puck
On 7/13/2017 at 3:33 PM, what-am-i said:

I have checked the wiki, although I'm still not exactly sure. I'm pretty sure I'm ace, seeing as when I see naked people, I don't get turned on, or a desire to have sex, but I'm still not fully clear on what it is. Thanks :D

It's not just seeing naked people and getting turned on :P It's anything that makes you want to participate in sexual acts with another person. Many people are visual and so looks can be something that turn them on, but lots of people are attracted to another persons personality, mannerisms, voices..... Lots of things! Point is, if there is something that draws you to someone else in a way that makes you want to do some sort of sex activity with them, you are experiencing sexual attraction :)

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what-am-i
On 7/26/2017 at 0:40 PM, Starfall said:

No Problem. I haven't been on in a month or so, hence the massive delay in getting back to you. It looks like you pretty much figured things out though, so that's good. Do you still want an answer to this question?

Yes, I'd love one lol

 

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what-am-i

OK HELLO AGAIN BC IM ACTUALLY RLY FRIGGIN CONFUSED AND yeah

 

So, when I have a crush, I usually want to make out/kiss/cuddle them, I've never desired to have sex with them so idk there

 

Is it possible to be aroused by someone but not want to have sex? Would that still be considered ace?

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Puck
2 hours ago, what-am-i said:

Is it possible to be aroused by someone but not want to have sex? Would that still be considered ace?

Hmmmm. Good question. That might be up to the individual to figure out. You can go by the label you choose/you decide fits you the best.

 

In my eyes, I would guess no, that isn't ace, but might be grace (gray-sexual). After all, asexuality is defined as someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction, so if one is getting aroused by someone, that would be the attraction.

 

To be clear, a person who feels this way could absolutely still be in the ace community as it welcomes grace folks. They could still get support and resources within it and should feel welcome to post here on AVEN or be amongst other ace/grace folks in other ways.

 

Hope that helps some :P

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gisiebob

oh, here's what you have to do. stop by the court house, and get a form 134A, this will need a notary public signature, as well as your fingerprint record which you can get at a local police or sheriff's department. turning the 134A form in at the IRS or JAXA or M15 office, depending on the last international flight company you have utilized (if you have never flown it defaults to Pan-Am) will get you a 33-6 B attachment form. IT IS CRITICAL THAT YOU LEAVE THIS UNATTACHED. with the 33-6 B you go back to the court house and grab a CASPER 6c document, in which you will need the testimony of four firefighters who have been in any service for 5 years. the CASPER also needs a testimonial from a licensed helicopter pilot, because lobbyists, and sealed by any member of royalty descendant from the members of royalty recognized by Henry the 8th, who made this whole thing possible. this you mail with 15c stamps only to the address " unlisted / unlisted st / unlisted, UT 000000" WITH your nextmost taxes (assume "500" for any fields in your tax worksheets that cannot be determined, such as children if more than eight months from when you would normally send in your taxes) and it's kinda important to plan this out, as the month the CASPER is received is a factor in your final certificate. I advise not mailing this on a monday. finally you have to contact whoever regularly manages your taxes, such as IRS or JAXA (NOT M15.) of a redirection and that they have to petition the "seven hundred and fifty first pig farmer family of the great state of Utah" I believe is the exact wording, they will understand as they have to deal with a lot of this jumping through hoops stuff. ask for a reserved timestamp when this petition will be finalized and log on to youdot.gov.ru.ds9, which is an info dump location used to fulfil freedom of information statutes at that exact time to download a copy of your orientation and sub orientation certificates, which will need to be officiated by another notary public if they are printed. a note: the certificates are non-negotiable but are transferable if you feel like you got the wrong one.

this is a long and arduous  process, so the Central Assembly of Humans does offer a valid temporary certificate, that is not copy protected so while you are getting those forms filled out I can post a copy of mine that you can copy for your own porpoises: 

 

Spoiler

SM02.jpg

 

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what-am-i
On 8/27/2017 at 9:17 PM, Puck said:

Hmmmm. Good question. That might be up to the individual to figure out. You can go by the label you choose/you decide fits you the best.

 

In my eyes, I would guess no, that isn't ace, but might be grace (gray-sexual). After all, asexuality is defined as someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction, so if one is getting aroused by someone, that would be the attraction.

 

To be clear, a person who feels this way could absolutely still be in the ace community as it welcomes grace folks. They could still get support and resources within it and should feel welcome to post here on AVEN or be amongst other ace/grace folks in other ways.

 

Hope that helps some :P

Thank you so much!! This definitely helps on my journey to figure our who the hell I am :) 

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what-am-i
On 8/27/2017 at 9:17 PM, Puck said:

Hmmmm. Good question. That might be up to the individual to figure out. You can go by the label you choose/you decide fits you the best.

 

In my eyes, I would guess no, that isn't ace, but might be grace (gray-sexual). After all, asexuality is defined as someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction, so if one is getting aroused by someone, that would be the attraction.

 

To be clear, a person who feels this way could absolutely still be in the ace community as it welcomes grace folks. They could still get support and resources within it and should feel welcome to post here on AVEN or be amongst other ace/grace folks in other ways.

 

Hope that helps some :P

Ok here I am again cuz I have another question. If you don't find people "hot", is that a lack of sexual attraction, or something different. For example, when my friends and I are watching movies and stuff they're always like "OMG HES SO HOT". I can recognized that the person is conventionally attractive but I don't feel anything

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Puck
3 minutes ago, what-am-i said:

Ok here I am again cuz I have another question. If you don't find people "hot", is that a lack of sexual attraction, or something different. For example, when my friends and I are watching movies and stuff they're always like "OMG HES SO HOT". I can recognized that the person is conventionally attractive but I don't feel anything

That is something different, it's called aesthetic attraction. It's the same as looking at a painting and thinking it's pretty. The painting is nice, but you don't want to have sex with it. In that same way, you can find a person to be pretty/handsome but not want to have sex with them.

 

But I will also point out, many people who experience sexual attraction don't just consider looks. They might be sexually attracted to the other person's personality or the way their mind works or how they move... this would be sexual attraction even if they aren't sexually attracted to how the person looks. A person who feels any kind of sexual attraction, not just thinking someone is "hot," would not be considered asexual.

 

Hope that helped too!

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