Am I Asexual?

[going2narnia]

I am an 18 year old, who before last Tuesday, had never questioned her romantic orientation or sexual orientation. I also assumed I was straight because I found guys attractive. When I was 15 I got myself a boyfriend, and all of a sudden my fantasies of being in love and kissing and all the relationship stuff, began to shatter. I remember kissing my boyfriend and feeling nothing. At first, I thought I must have commitment issues, and that I was just scared of having a relationship. I broke up with him, even though I really liked talking to him and being friends with him. 

 

Fast forward to last Saturday, I was asked out by this guy who I am close friends with. I was so shocked when he told me he liked me that I instantly replied with, I like you too. Thing is, I felt nothing when I was with him? Like, I did think I liked him, but when he asked me out, I sorta lost all interest, because it suddenly became real? And I felt like I was losing my friend, it's felt so unnatural. On Tuesday he asked me over, and we spent the evening making out and what not, but honestly, I felt so empty and bored that I would have preferred to watch paint dry. I felt no sexual attraction either, I just wanted out and I wanted to never be in that kind of situation again. 

 

Thinking about it again, I don't think I've ever felt romantically or sexually attracted to anyone. I think I would be open to having sex, but I don't really feel the urge to go out and find somebody to do it with. I don't think I've ever wanted to do anything like that with anyone tbh. So does that make me ace? I'm pretty sure I'm aro but by not having the urge to have sex, mean I am ace? I don't really know tbh, maybe somebody could tell me?  

 

[Puck]

First of all, welcome to AVEN! Hope it can be a great resource for you

 

I want to start by saying, no one can label you except you. The folks here are always happy to share experiences, information, or lend support, but we aren't going to be able to tell you what your orientation is.

 

That being said, what you describe sounds very much like the experience of an Aromantic Asexual. Aromantic folks don't feel romantic attraction and asexuals (as defined by AVEN) don't experience sexual attraction. As you seem both disinterested in people romantically and no physical attraction to them, it sounds like those are labels that could very well work for you if you decide they fit!

 

I do want to very much say, you never have to anything you don't want to do. You never have to go out with anyone, kiss anyone, have sex with anyone, or do anything else unless YOU want to! If you do find that you believe you are aromantic and/or asexual, many ace folks find that people who don't understand the orientations try to pressure them. It's important to know that you are allowed to do what feels right to you, even if that is doing nothing!

 

Also, if you do find that you identify with asexuality, AVEN is filled with resources and people for ace folks that can build confidence, support, and understanding. I hope that you can find it a useful site to be on; frankly it's often useful to people who aren't ace as the information here can help anyone learn!

 

Good luck on your journey

[God of the Forest]

3 hours ago, going2narnia said:

I am an 18 year old, who before last Tuesday, had never questioned her romantic orientation or sexual orientation. I also assumed I was straight because I found guys attractive. When I was 15 I got myself a boyfriend, and all of a sudden my fantasies of being in love and kissing and all the relationship stuff, began to shatter. I remember kissing my boyfriend and feeling nothing. At first, I thought I must have commitment issues, and that I was just scared of having a relationship. I broke up with him, even though I really liked talking to him and being friends with him. 

 

Fast forward to last Saturday, I was asked out by this guy who I am close friends with. I was so shocked when he told me he liked me that I instantly replied with, I like you too. Thing is, I felt nothing when I was with him? Like, I did think I liked him, but when he asked me out, I sorta lost all interest, because it suddenly became real? And I felt like I was losing my friend, it's felt so unnatural. On Tuesday he asked me over, and we spent the evening making out and what not, but honestly, I felt so empty and bored that I would have preferred to watch paint dry. I felt no sexual attraction either, I just wanted out and I wanted to never be in that kind of situation again. 

 

Thinking about it again, I don't think I've ever felt romantically or sexually attracted to anyone. I think I would be open to having sex, but I don't really feel the urge to go out and find somebody to do it with. I don't think I've ever wanted to do anything like that with anyone tbh. So does that make me ace? I'm pretty sure I'm aro but by not having the urge to have sex, mean I am ace? I don't really know tbh, maybe somebody could tell me?  

 

Whether or not youre asexual and whether or not you choose to identify as asexual is up to you beautiful. No one worth being around is going to care if youre asexual or not.

[TopHatCat]

I'm a year older than you, and it was over a year ago that I found out about asexuality etc. I never dated because I always thought that interest would just show up, but that was not the case. I understand in a general sense your experience with not feeling anything the way you thought you would, I had a close friend that was an absolute sweetheart and I felt absolutely nothing. That situation is what made me figure I was aromantic. Its starts sounding kind of odd to be described this way, but I've heard some people specify asexuality as a lack of sexual attraction-but then as in not desiring sex with people, people not necessarily turning someone on. So what you've described sounds consistent with this. There are a lot of ways to define asexuality, it's a whole umbrella. So if you want a clear definition that works for you because you find it helps you communicate with others then I'm sure you'll find it. However, you don't need a list of cited references and studies for someone to believe you if you just want to say you're asexual as in "somewhere under the umbrella."