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I honestly just feel very confused about life/myself. I always thought i knew who i was. A heterosexual girl, who just wanted to find her prince charming and live happily ever after. And I always thought that included sex. I started dating my first boyfriend at the age of 15, and lost my virginity to him at age 17. We used to do "things"(ill spare you the details). From what i remember I never really enjoyed doing those "things" but assumed it was because we just needed to have sex(because ya know its made out to be this fantastic magical thing). After we did, it never got better. A few months later I was diagnosed with endometriosis(which causes painful sex after prolonged sex) so I assumed thats why I never enjoyed it. My first boyfriend and I broke up before I went to college(which I'm still in). Over my past 4 years here I have slept with quite a few guys thinking that it would just magically be fantastic. But is never has been. I usually got bored while having sex with them, and wanted it to be over. I always thought that I needed to have sex because thats what society says. But then I met my current boyfriend and I am absolutely in love with him, but i still really don't enjoy having sex with him.  I've always had touch aversion but its honestly just gotten even worse lately, and my sex drive which i kinda used to have is absolutly no existent.(like once every few months to never). I think my biggest confusion comes with the fact that i used to have a sex drive and I occasionally still feel like urge(but usually not enough to act on it). I just find sex boring and its not that Im not in love with him(Ive tried looking at pictures of "hot" guys and fantasizing about them but It does nothing). Im just very confused. I'm so lost, and idk what do even think anymore. I feel like I might be gray-asexual but like idk. Im sorry this is very ranish and i don't have any questions I just need to get all of this out. 

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Hi and Welcome to AVEN!!!! Have some cake!!! :cake::cake::cake::cake::cake:

You do sound as though you might be somewhere on the ace spectrum. Only you can decide this for sure. (Don't worry about being wrong, we don't mind people identifying as ace for a while, even if they later change their minds.) You should consider talking to your doctor to rule out any medical conditions which might be causing reduced sex-drive, but regardless: There is nothing wrong with not enjoying/wanting sex. There is nothing wrong with you for not wanting/enjoying sex. You can have a perfectly fulfilling romantic relationship without sex. Lots of aces do. 

 

It sounds as though your sex-drive was greatest during your teenage years - when you were going through puberty. Your lack of sex-drive now may be a result of your hormones having calmed down since puberty ended. Again, a doctor would know more about this than I would.

 

Regardless, you're among friends here. We've all been through similar things, and we're happy to listen any time you need to rant. 

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whenpigsfly

first of all ,, WELCOME :)

sometimes the sex drive is there ,, but the only way u know to be done with it is sex ,

having or not having sexual orientation is in a different category from having libido or not

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Welcome! Have some cake :cake: :)

Glad you could write everything down and I hope it gives you some peace. Just remember that its 100% okay to feel like this, and you're not the only one! Good luck with everything and have a wonderful day! :)

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On 4/25/2017 at 7:30 PM, Psyched95 said:

 I always thought that I needed to have sex because thats what society says. But then I met my current boyfriend and I am absolutely in love with him, but i still really don't enjoy having sex with him.  I've always had touch aversion but its honestly just gotten even worse lately, and my sex drive which i kinda used to have is absolutely not existent.(like once every few months to never). I think my biggest confusion comes with the fact that i used to have a sex drive and I occasionally still feel like urge(but usually not enough to act on it).

It sounds like you thought you needed to have sex to be in a relationship, and you were willing to try because who wants to be alone, right?

 

It also sounds like you're in your late teens/early twenties, dating male people of about the same age. My guess is these guys don't know how to pleasure you, no matter how much you like them. Do you know how to pleasure yourself? Does masturbation work for you at all? If masturbation works for you, and you still aren't enjoying sex, my suggestion is to train your partner to do what you like. If trying to pleasure yourself doesn't work, and you've tried various vibrators etc, then sex might not be your thing. And that's okay.

 

I understand that you're questioning whether your asexual or not. It sounds like you are romantic. Maybe you're even sensual. I hope your partner is cool enough to help you explore and figure out what you like vs what you don't. 

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