How the heck do I figure out my romantic orientation???

[happilyirrelevant]

I have always assumed I'm romantic. But I've also always assumed I was sexual, and you see how true that assumption proved to be 

I've never had a strong crush, and I've never felt more for my boyfriends than feelings like I would towards close friends. And what I've always assumed to be romantic attraction--feeling like you want to cuddle somebody and spend all day with them and think of them a lot and idealize them and fantasize about spending time with them and trust them completely--well, I feel that towards a lot of people that I'm certain I'm not romantically attracted to. I have always loved the idea of love. Love songs are, to me, beautiful. All the stories I'd make up in my head ended with the characters finding true love.

But the feeling I consider "romantic attraction" is such a big one that if it is actually romantic attraction, I'd have to consider myself in love with about a hundred people, as well as numerous constellations and objects.

So---what the heck is romantic attraction? How do I know if what I feel is that or no?

Also, the feeling I call "romantic attraction" in myself is not a steady feeling, I often stop feeling it for people very quickly, and I can easily discard partners. And I've never fallen in love as deeply as other people seem to.

Additionally, I'm only 17, so I might just be hecka inexperienced in the romantic area haha.

Thanks for reading!

Edit: also, the feeling I consider "romantic attraction" occurs regardless of gender.

[SamwiseLovesLife]

7 minutes ago, happilyirrelevant said:

I have always assumed I'm romantic. But I've also always assumed I was sexual, and you see how true that assumption proved to be 

I've never had a strong crush, and I've never felt more for my boyfriends than feelings like I would towards close friends. And what I've always assumed to be romantic attraction--feeling like you want to cuddle somebody and spend all day with them and think of them a lot and idealize them and fantasize about spending time with them and trust them completely--well, I feel that towards a lot of people that I'm certain I'm not romantically attracted to. I have always loved the idea of love. Love songs are, to me, beautiful. All the stories I'd make up in my head ended with the characters finding true love.

I totally relate to this.

 

8 minutes ago, happilyirrelevant said:

So---what the heck is romantic attraction? How do I know if what I feel is that or no?

From what I can figure, romantic attraction is a feeling different to the one you feel with your family/fiends/pets/etc. This is the main reason I think I may not be romantic. The feelings I have felt for 'crushes' are no different to the way I feel about my friends, sister or even my cat..

[happilyirrelevant]

1 minute ago, SamwiseLovesLife said:

I totally relate to this.

 

From what I can figure, romantic attraction is a feeling different to the one you feel with your family/fiends/pets/etc. This is the main reason I think I may not be romantic. The feelings I have felt for 'crushes' are no different to the way I feel about my friends, sister or even my cat..

Yeah, if the feelings I've felt for crushes are romantic ones than I am definitely in love with my family and friends and with my pets and that seems, well, just a bit unlikely to me haha. Thanks for replying  

[happilyirrelevant]

I think I might actually be idemromantic?

"Idemromantic - Is someone who does not internally experience romantic and platonic attraction differently; they distinguish between romantic and platonic based on other factors. "Idem" means "the same" in Latin.

Idemromantic people categorize their interest in others as romantic instead of platonic based on age, personality compatibility, emotional closeness, ease of living together, presence of sexual attraction, or other factors. However, their feelings toward their romantic interests would not be particularly distinguishable from platonic feelings and may be similar to how they feel for a best friend or beloved family member. They may pursue platonic, quasiplatonic, romantic, or no relationships."

but that's going to be very hard to explain to people haha so I might not tell anyone offline and just pretend I'm heteroromantic instead  

[argar]

Totally do your own research, but the ideas in this video sum up some of my thoughts on romanticism.

 

https://youtu.be/jltM5qYn25w

 

I do have a romantic nature, but zero desire to really do with anything with that feeling.

 

If you don't have this feeling, I wouldn't really worry about it.

 

Maybe one day you will, but if you never do there is nothing wrong with that at all.

 

I care about people, but at the same time I also have a very low drama threshold.

 

Aside from a few people, I can pretty easily walk away from anyone.

[SamwiseLovesLife]

15 hours ago, argar said:

I do have a romantic nature, but zero desire to really do with anything with that feeling.

That's how I would describe my feelings on romantisicm