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How do you tell you boyfriend you are Aromantic/is it wrong to want to date as a Aromantic


Lie-RennyValkyrie_

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Lie-RennyValkyrie_

So I recently got a boyfriend despite me being a questioning Aromantic (long story). I realised I messed up and now I need to tell him that I'm Aromantic.

 

Also another thing is still wanting to date him although I dont believe I can return his feelings selfish of me? We are young and I don't think the relationship will last for long anyway (especially considering the amount of girlfriends he has already had). I do genuinely want to date him but I feel like its selfish of me wanting that because I don't think I will be able to like him back in that way.

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ItWasNiceKnowingYou

Well communication is important, so if you think you need to tell him ,then do so & see how he reacts. There's also a term for this: cupioromantic (aros who don't mind/ are ok with romantic relationships)

 

Good Luck!

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Lie-RennyValkyrie_

Thanks you :)

 

And I'll look into cupioromantic I've never heard of it before and I love finding out new things (and because it sounds like me from the description you gave)

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SamwiseLovesLife
19 minutes ago, Lie-RennyValkyrie_ said:

Also another thing is still wanting to date him although I dont believe I can return his feelings selfish of me?

Humans are selfish creatures, you shouldn't beat yourself up for feeling this way

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Lie-RennyValkyrie_
Just now, SamwiseLovesLife said:

Humans are selfish creatures, you shouldn't beat yourself up for feeling this way

I'm not sure whether that makes me feel better or worse... But I do agree humans are selfish creatures

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SamwiseLovesLife
4 minutes ago, Lie-RennyValkyrie_ said:

I'm not sure whether that makes me feel better or worse... But I do agree humans are selfish creatures

Sorry!  My personal thoughts are that yes, it could be considered selfish but a whole load of factors define this; also anyone being in a monogomous relationship could be taken as selfish as you are keeping the other person from being with anyone but you..

In your case I think those feelings sound natural, and as you say, you are young so it's not likely that it will be long term or you're keeping him from something else that will make a huge difference to his life

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I think aromantic dates aren't necessarily "wrong". - Just be somewhat open about your (lack of) intentions.

Example: I borrowed the mother of the neighbor kids to go to the theater and another friend's girlfriend for all you can eat at a Chinese restaurant. - I wouldn't enjoy these things as much on my own and was glad to have somebody to drag along and to talk to.

 

Or abstract: You like a couples activity and need a partner, Another person feels similar and so you'll team up do it and sod the excessive romantic overhead. All fine.

 

Deals like going clubbing when gals get a 2 pizzas 3 beers voucher is great too. - I'll happily pick one up for my pizza.

 

Potential issue: Being not openly taken / not really interested in a relationship and having the courting guy jump through hoops or exploit him financially would be somewhat unethical.

I'd say: who owns a passenger seat is usually proud of it, so getting free transportation is OK. - I wouldn't fuzz over eating half of his ravioli can either but insist on paying the majority of my restaurant bill, if I was a gal. If a shutterbug falls for you maybe provide a huge thumb drive?

 

Maybe I am ignorant about the concept of "dating". - Anyhow, from the old days of blind dates I recall the rule: Whatever you arrange, get a chance to file it as a nice evening even if the encounter turns out to be a less great match. - If you think you give the romantically interested person that chance carry on and stop worrying.

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ItWasNiceKnowingYou
1 hour ago, Lie-RennyValkyrie_ said:

Thanks you :)

 

And I'll look into cupioromantic I've never heard of it before and I love finding out new things (and because it sounds like me from the description you gave)

I believe the link to our lost of romantic orientations here on Aven is in my signature. If not, i can send it to you

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