A new plan for womb twin survivors...I think it's worth a try

[Squishy cake]

Imagine that your earliest memory is being close to someone. Literally. Maybe this isn't a memory, so much as a feeling you can't quite place. The two of you have been together for a long time. Over time, you have created a bond with them. You can't imagine being without them. You are together. You are whole. Every time they move, you know. You even interact with them though touch. You understand each them just as well as you understand yourself. You know they understand you. It's comforting to know they will never leave you. At least, you don't think they will. You don't know how long it's been, nor do you realize that it won't be much longer until your time together is over. 
    All your life, there has been something missing. There has always been something just a little... off. You often feel lonely. You feel isolated among your family and friends. You see people who are close, and feel jealous. Maybe you have friends who are close to you, and you don't even realize it because you always feel left out. You've always been the weirdo. People always say there's nothing wrong with being different, but it's becoming harder and harder for you to really believe it. Deep down, you know, nobody understands you. No one really wants you there. Most of the time, you feel disconnected from other people. You try to be close to people. Friends, partners, but it doesn't work out. Maybe you realize you won't be as close to them as you were to... as you imagined you would be. It wasn't what you imagined. You loved them, but it wasn't the same. You were afraid. You were too scared of being abandoned like last time. Wait... last time?  You know there's something wrong with you. If you go to a therapist, they might diagnose you with a variety of personality disorders. But it really isn't that complicated. You are a womb twin survivor. 

 

What is a womb twin survivor? 
A womb twin survivor is when there are twins in utero, and one of them dies. The fetus will be absorbed by either the mother or the surviving twin. The remaining twin will often have lasting phycological trauma from the feeling of being abandoned at such a early age. Alternatively, if one twin dies after or during birth, the sole survivor will have the same phycological affects. A womb multiple survivor is the sole survivor of three or more fetuses in utero. (Or after birth)
For more information, go to www.wombtwin.com 

 

Common effects of being a womb twin survivor   
You feel disconnected from reality, other people, and yourself 
You have trouble expressing your anger - either there is too much or too little 
You pretend to be strong, to yourself and others 
You are very empathetic. You feel the pain of others as if it were yours
You often find it difficult to fall asleep, even when you are very tired 
You suffer from depression 
You have wanted to commit suicide more than once in your life
You have always felt different from other people 
Deep down, you feel alone, even among friends 
You've been searching for something all your life but you don’t know what it is 
There is one room in your home, including a shed or garage, that is completely full of stuff 
All your life you have felt empty inside 
you know you have not realized your true potential 
You suffer from low self esteem 
Deep down, You feel very weak, as if it would not take much to totally destroy you 
Subconsciously you pretend to be someone else, and you know it’s not really 'you' (maybe you've even convinced yourself that that IS the real you)
Theres a weird irrational feeling that you're not real, that “I’m not really here”
For more information go to www.wombtwin.com
 
I am a womb twin survivor 
My earliest memory is of darkness. There was someone there. I didn't know completely who or what it was, but I remember the feeling of closeness and love. I wanted to be close to them. I wanted to see them.  All I wanted was to be with them forever, and never let them go. Then I remember loneliness. A strong feeling of emptiness. Were did they go? Why were they gone when I was still there? I remember wishing I could have left with them. But I couldn't. Nor could I, for years afterward, identity were this strange memory came from or when it happened. 
    In my dreams, there was a girl . Her name was Rivka. There was also a boy named Ari. They were the friends who there so often, I never questioned how I knew them, or why they looked like me.  But they were always there when I need them. 
    I always wanted to be a triplet. Either that or a twin. I was very clingy. When I was a toddler, I called my older brother my twin, and clung to him like a barnacle. He loved me, but the bond was one sided. I was clingy to my friends too. If we played imagination games, I would always say we were twins or siblings in the game. I had friends over the years who I would create extremely close bonds with, and thought of them as my twins. Too often though, those bonds were one sided. I would get extremely jealous of people who were actually twins. I was always lonely even when I was surrounded by people. A lot of the time, I felt like nobody actually understood me. Too often, I thought that nobody actually wanted me there. 
    I When I was twelve years old, my mom told me I was supposed to have a fraternal twin brother, but he was miscarried after six months. To say that I was pissed at my parents would be a poor way of describing my anger. Why hadn't they told me before? What right did they have to keep such a secret from me?
    I became obsessed with my unborn brother. I wanted to know everything about him. I wanted to hear every piece of information about him. Were they absolutely sure there were only two of us? What if there was a third they didn't know about?I wanted to see the ultrasound photos of him. Who was twin A? Who was twin B? What would they have named him? Why didn't they name him? I choose to call him Ari. 
    Finally my mom told me that Ari's umbilical cord was larger then mine, and he was stealing all my nutrients. If he had lived, I wouldn't have. She also said that he was very ill, and only would have survived a few months after his birth. She said she was happy that she got one healthy child instead of two dead children. I pretended to stop being obsessed with my dear brother Ari. It was a relief to my family when they thought my Ari phase was over. They thought I  was finally done obsessing over him. That was three years ago. Every day for the past three years, I have thought about him. What if Ari had been healthy? What if we both had lived? Would there finally be someone who understands me? What if Ari had lived and I hadn't? Would he miss me? Would he be as lonely as I am? And who was Rivka? What if I really was a triplet? What if I absorbed both of them?
    I used to feel so guilty about his death. But now I know Ari doesn't blame me. My parents don't talk about Ari, and they don't need to. I know him far better then they ever will. And I know he's waiting for me. I know Rivka is waiting too. I will meet them both someday. 

There should be a program for babies born without their twin. They should be paired with another womb twin survivor, and raised together. By both families. It would be hard to get anyone to agree, because of how closed minded people are, but I think it's worth a try... this is my plan. f you have anything to add to my idea to make it work better, please say so in the comments. This plan isn't complete, so please share your ideas. If you are a womb twin survivor, please tell your story down below. If you think you are a womb twin survivor, go to www.wombtwin.com for more information. 

[God of the Forest]

Well damn, that was a very well written story! Ya know, I am not unfamiliar with the feeling of desperately missing someone I never had the opportunity to actually meet, just missing them by fate's cruel design.. but whenever I miss them I just realize that they live within me, they are in every fiber of my being, strengthening me, the same blood that flowed through their veins is the same blood that flows in mine. But for you its quite literal, you absorbed them so...

[Hex Res]

Thanks for posting this. I'm a womb twin survivor myself. I was the oldest twin, and apparently there were complications and the doctors gave my mom a choice to either try and save the younger twin (she was sick) or save me, because they couldn't se ave both of us. So my mom chose me cause I was the healthiest and had the best chance of survival. So by the time we were born...the other twin came out stillborn. I do remember always feeling like something was missing in my life. I never felt like I belonged in my family. I was the only one who was an only child. All my cousins had brothers and sisters, so I always felt like I was alone or something. I was completely different from everyone else (different music tastes, different attitude, different speech). It was hell growing up feeling like I wasn't supposed to be there. I still feel this disconnection even to this day and haven't figured out how to deal with it except through some sort of escapism (music, books, daydreaming). So I appreciate you sharing your own story along with this advice.