Does the importance of sex ever intimidate you?

[DoomDodo]

When people talk about sex they make it sound so important, like some sort of spiritual experience and the holy grail of relationships (there's obviously also those who make it sound as shallow as a puddle but we're all used to those people..). Lately I feel like crap every time someone mentions the importance of sex. I know even if I'd manage to offer someone sex, I couldn't give them the full experience because feeling desirable is part of it, and I don't desire them. I don't even want to try connecting with people romantically knowing that if it were to lead somewhere they'd have to give up something so important to them because I'm fundamentally incapable of it. I wish sex wasn't so important to everyone.

What are your thoughts? Do you get uncomfortable or intimidated when people begin to mention how important/fun/meaningful sex is?

[Galactic Turtle]

It can be just because of the sheer amount of people who are of the same opinion. On my own though it just seems like someone coming to the wrong conclusion in a series of statements like....

 

A - Rabbits like carrots.

B - I like carrots.

C - Therefore I am a rabbit. 

 

??????

 

Sure. You do you. XD

 

 

[straightouttamordor]

I used to of course. I feel much more confident and comfortable with the notion of asexuality now. Sexual "needs" always gets me. If you don't fuc.. you will croak ?  Huh ?

The public is bombarded with so much sexual imagery and media it boggles the mind. The checkout line at the supermarket, where the little brats scream for candy, the magazines from Cosmo to Men's Health are pretty much soft core porn. Everyone seems so sexually malcontent or ever curious about what to try next it's amazing a relationship lasts two months. And marketing with sex ? Is that bubble ever goona burst ?  I'm an avid angler and there are lures described as " Sexy". Well I don't want the fish to broadcast eggs or sperm on it, I want them to eat it !  And there ain't nothing sexy about a shad ?  An oily baitfish. It doesn't set the mood for the sexual people.

This is all just my opinion. No one has to agree with it or read into it some type of asexual elitism. 

Just an observation from an Ace of something.

[cakeman]

Well, I think sex is those first two things, for weird reasons. 

 

1. Sex is important in stages of  a relationship! If you've had sex it means you know eachother that well, and it starts an entire new leaf

 

2. Sex is fun, as long as you aren't ace or anything.

 

Sex isn't really meaningful, because it is just saying "I want to have sex with you."

 

I do not feel intimidated in any way unless someone specifically tlks about ex which is not only kind of uncomfortable, it's rude 

 

 

[God of the Forest]

42 minutes ago, DoomDodo said:

When people talk about sex they make it sound so important, like some sort of spiritual experience and the holy grail of relationships (there's obviously also those who make it sound as shallow as a puddle but we're all used to those people..). Lately I feel like crap every time someone mentions the importance of sex. I know even if I'd manage to offer someone sex, I couldn't give them the full experience because feeling desirable is part of it, and I don't desire them. I don't even want to try connecting with people romantically knowing that if it were to lead somewhere they'd have to give up something so important to them because I'm fundamentally incapable of it. I wish sex wasn't so important to everyone.

What are your thoughts? Do you get uncomfortable or intimidated when people begin to mention how important/fun/meaningful sex is?

Its only important if its important to you. And all you need to do is find someone who's priorities match your own. Like I mentioned to someone else, my requirements in a relationship are just someone who is low maintenance and respects my need for alone time.. it just sounds like you need to find someone to whom sex is of little importance

[TessaMe]

Not intimidated, but uncomfortable sometimes, though not as much as I used to be.  More often than not, my response is an internal eye-roll, "this again?" kind of reaction.  If the topic is directed at me specifically, then sometimes it turns into a brain stall, "Uhhhhhhhhhh..." because I don't know how to respond.  

 

I decided a long time ago that while I do have aesthetic preferences in a romantic sense, what I cared about was the mental, emotional connection, not the physical one. When I realized how different my thinking was and learned I was Ace, I struggled with the same concerns you have.  But even if I did want that physical closeness, it still doesn't change what I'm ultimately looking for.  It may be a little more difficult, but I'm going to continue my search while being up front about who I am.  That way there are no unexpected surprises.  Not every sexual places sex at the top of their relationship priorities.  It's just a matter of finding the right person to connect with.

[Allegra]

9 minutes ago, TessaMe said:

Not intimidated, but uncomfortable sometimes, though not as much as I used to be.  More often than not, my response is an internal eye-roll, "this again?" kind of reaction. 

Same here. Mostly I just get bored.

[DesiButters519x]

It only gets uncomfortable when I really like someone, but it's rare for me. Overall, it only makes me roll my eyes and at times, just up and leave the convo. hahaha. I don't bother anymore... it's not worth the stress plus no one is going to change me. If they wanna change me that badly, then that just means they are not worth it.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

In my friend group the conversation is usually too funny or philosophical for me to be intimidated, especially as the pints roll in

[Adam_Jensen]

I find it more infuriating,especially everytime someone says that if you don't have sex until this certain age then there is a problem with you.I call bullshit on this,since sex is a choice first and second it's a very personal matter,don't force people to do things that they're no ready to do just so you can reinforce your world view to others.

[Laplace]

To be fair, people aren't too overbearing about it in my experience, but it's still an omnipresent interest. I'm not saying it's on everyone's mind 24/7, but FFS, it sometimes feels like 50+% jokes and memes revolve around it. And, you can't play a video game without brain-dead people posting a million topics about banging a certain character or how they chose a certain character cause they're "hot." For me, the subtle/not-so-subtle emphasis on sex is more irritating than intimidating when I have to deal with it. 

[Grimeleon]

My thoughts on sexuality are much the same as thoughts on religion. Believe what you want. Blow who you want. But don't shove it down my throat. I don't mind general talk about sex. I can be very tactless. Don't mind other people talking about their sexcapeds either. I can sit down and girl gossip and giggle over their exploits without trouble. However, i daw the line when someone makes a point of trying to make assumptions or accusations about my sexuality. It's the patronization. My favorite is "are you attracted to men? you haven't found the right guy yet. You are still young. How do you know you won't want to have sex wen you find the right one?" A few years ago I started just quoting this thing I saw on Facebook. "Well, are you sexually attracted to lamas? How do you know you haven't just found the right one yet?" In those situations I do tend to become annoyed because I very often just feel written off or ignored. It sucks because, I have found they often mean well and I don't want to be angry with them, but some people can be really, really thick. My family is vey conservative and homophobic other then my mom, and she is the only one I have ever really "come out to" as asexual because I don't think my dad or sister would understand. 

[Skycaptain]

Not really, if there's too much sex taking for my liking I just make a risqué gag and that usually changes the subject 

[Busrider]

21 hours ago, DoomDodo said:

I couldn't give them the full experience because feeling desirable is part of it, and I don't desire them. I don't even want to try connecting with people romantically knowing...

I underlined the crucial keyword here. Entering a romantic relationship I saw plush appeal in people; i.e. had a desire to fall asleep entangled with them, just as one would grab that trusty single eyed teddy bear. On that base I could deal with their sexual needs as I'd have handled flat bicycle tires. <- Obstacles on my way.

I admit: It has been quite a while now and it did not work out. No clue where I'd end without that mentioned physical attraction. Prolly on my own at home?

[Sean_Bird]

Honestly, I only get annoyed at sex topics if the other person is immature and disrespectful. Men, for example, will commonly think of women as objects for enjoyment rather than human beings, which I find extremely disturbing and sometimes panic attack inducing. When people are respectful and not creepy motherfuckers, I'm usually fine.

 

As for when they go on about how meaningful and deep it is... I'm mixed on the issue. With my ex, he made a big deal about it, and my being unable to enjoy it on his level is why he wanted us to break up. When it comes to other people in general, though... I'm honestly really happy that I can go days without thinking about sex or being so severely disabled by it. People do really stupid things for sex, sometimes getting killed trying to get it, and I'm glad that I don't have to go through that.

 

There are so many wonderful and holistic experiences I get to go through that most people dont, anyway, that it balances out. I would consider the wonderful experience of not giving birth or getting STDs a much more life enriching experience than humping people for thousands of hours in my lifetime. I'd rather spend that time dancing, making art, or playing video games.

[Hermit Advocate]

I still don't understand why people think that having sex means their relationship is strong; and vice versa, the relationship is rocky when the couple stops have sex as often or at all??? 

[Puck]

I used to, back when I thought sex was something partners owed eachother. Sex seemed for so many people so fun and exciting, something that was so valued and looked forward to. It actually scared me because I thought if I ever got into a relationship, I'd only let my partner down because I was worried I would never like sex so how could I be good at it.

 

But I guess I realized, for some people, it is that exciting but, for me, it's not. And both of those feelings are ok and valid. Neither is more ok or valid; they both just... are.

 

I think because asexuals don't want sex, it is built up to be more than it is. It make some resent it, fear it, be disgusted by it.

 

But we don't have to be. We can come together and say we don't like it and that doesn't mean anything other than we don't like it. We are allowed to feel that way and others are allowed to enjoy it. We all are allowed to feel how we feel.

 

And while other people are focused on having sex, we can focus on finding funny ways to ban each other in JFF

[shocky2002]

In the very back of my mind, I sort of lose respect for people who put sex on a pedal, even though I know it's completely normal. 

[AW10]

I do not get intimidated, and it is not because I am sexual, it is because of knowledge I possess. I know that there exist two kinds of people, "one who views sex as something common" and "one who views sex as something chosen". So, before my feelings and beliefs cloud my judgment, and cause me to get intimidated by something, my knowledge clears it up and I understand that it is just a difference between people.