I wanna discuss sexual attraction again :P

[Homer]

10 hours ago, Dudette said:

Let us assume that you get aroused by something. you are next to a person who you love. That person tell you "if you don't have sex with me then I will leave you". Suddenly, somewhere in your brain you have to be willing/wanting to have sex with that person. My point is whether this would be classified as sexual attraction/desire? There are some aces who cannot do it, but I know there are some aces who can do it. the same with gays (when it comes to women).

Does it mean that some aces have some small sexual attraction?

There is no such thing as "having to be wanting something". It's either/or, either you want to or you have to. "To want to" is indicating a choice, "to have to" is not. So that's nonsense in my book. As to the rest of your example - that's emotional blackmail and I would classify that as an act of emotional violence I would not be ready to accept, at all, ever. Major red flag, instant good-bye.

 

BTW, nobody seems to be able to agree what sexual attraction even is, so that's a pretty useless standard to go by. (I do find certain people "hot" and that might even cause a physical reaction. I'd count that as sexual attraction BUT that doesn't make me want to do anything with that person. There are a lot of people on here who think that an "innate desire to connect with others sexually" is a much better measurement.

 

There are grey-(a)sexuals who only experience this very rarely but then again, 'very rarely' is quite a broad claim to make.

 

Hope this helps

[Dudette]

8 hours ago, Homer said:

There is no such thing as "having to be wanting something". It's either/or, either you want to or you have to. "To want to" is indicating a choice, "to have to" is not. So that's nonsense in my book. As to the rest of your example - that's emotional blackmail and I would classify that as an act of emotional violence I would not be ready to accept, at all, ever. Major red flag, instant good-bye.

 

BTW, nobody seems to be able to agree what sexual attraction even is, so that's a pretty useless standard to go by. (I do find certain people "hot" and that might even cause a physical reaction. I'd count that as sexual attraction BUT that doesn't make me want to do anything with that person. There are a lot of people on here who think that an "innate desire to connect with others sexually" is a much better measurement.

 

There are grey-(a)sexuals who only experience this very rarely but then again, 'very rarely' is quite a broad claim to make.

 

Hope this helps

I wanna say that I read some comments outside of aven which I found very interesting

"I got turn on by my daughter, but I dont wanna have sex with her"

"I got turn on by my dog, but I dont wanna have sex with my dog"

There are many example of this on the internet, and they are very bizarre, also I believe that it is wrong to force someone to have sex only because of arousal.

I am starting to believe now that sexual attraction is not erection, but it is the desire for emotional connection with another person through sex because according to some gays who were in denial of their sexual orientation "it is not the problem of getting erection,the problem is mental enjoyment", and also according to @Pan. , allosexuals do not desire sex just because they are sexuals, but for some deeper emotional connection which aces lack.

 

What do you think? 

 

[King Al]

1 minute ago, Dudette said:

the desire for emotional connection with another person through sex

Yes

[Puck]

14 minutes ago, Dudette said:

I wanna say that I read some comments outside of aven which I found very interesting

"I got turn on by my daughter, but I dont wanna have sex with her"

"I got turn on by my dog, but I dont wanna have sex with my dog"

This is INCREDIBLY odd and rare. I am so happy those folks aren't acting on their arousal. Please don't think this is how allosexuals feel, these are unique cases.

 

14 minutes ago, Dudette said:

There are many example of this on the internet, and they are very bizarre, also I believe that it is wrong to force someone to have sex only because of arousal.

I am starting to believe now that sexual attraction is not erection, but it is the desire for emotional connection with another person through sex because according to some gays who were in denial of their sexual orientation "it is not the problem of getting erection,the problem is mental enjoyment", and also according to @Pan. , allosexuals do not desire sex just because they are sexuals, but for some deeper emotional connection which aces lack.

 

What do you think? 

I am glad you get that it is wrong to force someone o have sex only because of arousal, as you said. Just remember it is always wrong to force someone to have sex. Sex should only happen when all parties consent to it.

 

You are right to say sexual attraction is not the same as an erection. However, some folks don't desire an emotional connection through sex. Some people just want to have sex. Asexuals are not those kinds of people, but there are people out there who just desire partnered sex as it's own thing. Asexuals (as long as they aren't romantic) often want close emotional bonds, but won't find it through sex.

 

Wanting sex just to have sex, wanting sex for an emotional bond, and getting aroused by something not related to a person are all separate things that are valid and normal.

[Dudette]

 

21 minutes ago, Puck said:

some folks don't desire an emotional connection through sex. Some people just want to have sex

isn't this discriminations against allosexuals?

I mean I used to think this is correct, but after reading some comments/threads here, I came to a conclusion it is just a myth about allosexuals.

[Puck]

7 minutes ago, Dudette said:

 

isn't this discriminations against allosexuals?

I mean I used to think this is correct, but after reading some comments/threads here, I came to a conclusion it is just a myth about allosexuals.

It's not because I'm not saying all allosexuals feel this way, just some.

 

It is true to say that most do want an emotional connection, but not all.

[Dudette]

16 minutes ago, Puck said:

It's not because I'm not saying all allosexuals feel this way, just some.

 

It is true to say that most do want an emotional connection, but not all.

Hmm, I don't know to be honest, I know one person who is heterosexual and aromantic and she said that she feels this emotional connection.

I have never yet met a person who wants sex and feels nothing during sex, well except gays who were in denial (but it made them depressed,alcoholism,etc), also I knew this lesbian personally who had sex with guys just to have sex and she became an alcoholic because she couldn't take it anymore.

[Ricki]

Uh, how is saying that 'some people want sex just because they like sex' discrimination?  

[Snao Cone]

37 minutes ago, Dudette said:

Hmm, I don't know to be honest, I know one person who is heterosexual and aromantic and she said that she feels this emotional connection.

I have never yet met a person who wants sex and feels nothing during sex, well except gays who were in denial (but it made them depressed,alcoholism,etc), also I knew this lesbian personally who had sex with guys just to have sex and she became an alcoholic because she couldn't take it anymore.

Just because you may not know someone who fits the description doesn't mean there aren't any, and just because examples you do know may have had negative experiences doesn't mean that it's the case for everyone.

 

Plus, not feeling an emotional connection isn't the same as "feels nothing" - after all, sex involves the most pleasurable parts of the body.

[Dudette]

14 minutes ago, Ricchan said:

Uh, how is saying that 'some people want sex just because they like sex' discrimination?  

no , I meant that they want sex because of sexual attraction, and not just because they are allosexual

I feel bad that I used to think that allosexual is something what it clearly isn't 

 

1 minute ago, MysteriouslyDisappeared SC said:

Just because you may not know someone who fits the description doesn't mean there aren't any, and just because examples you do know may have had negative experiences doesn't mean that it's the case for everyone.

 

Plus, not feeling an emotional connection isn't the same as "feels nothing" - after all, sex involves the most pleasurable parts of the body.

kk, I just don't wanna be discriminating against people's sexuality  

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Dudette said:

Hmm, I don't know to be honest, I know one person who is heterosexual and aromantic and she said that she feels this emotional connection.

I have never yet met a person who wants sex and feels nothing during sex, well except gays who were in denial (but it made them depressed,alcoholism,etc), also I knew this lesbian personally who had sex with guys just to have sex and she became an alcoholic because she couldn't take it anymore.

My ex calls sex with people he has no emotional connection with "working out" and "masturbating inside of a person". So, yeah. Some people really don't care who it is, as long as they aren't repulsive to them and are willing. Not all, not even the majority, but some. 

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Dudette said:

and also according to @Pan. , allosexuals do not desire sex just because they are sexuals, but for some deeper emotional connection which aces lack.

Well the fact that they desire partnered sexual contact with other people is *why* they are sexual. If they had no desire to connect sexually with others, ever, they'd be asexual. Some enjoy partnered sex for the emotional pleasure brings them, some just enjoy the physical feelings and don't care at all about intimacy, for some it's a mixture of both depending on who they're having sex with. The reasons sexual people desire partnered sexual pleasure aren't what make them sexual, it's just the fact that they *do* desire partnered sexual pleasure that makes them sexual.

 

And yes, getting aroused by something isn't necessarily sexual attraction and doesn't always mean you want to have partnered sex. Genital arousal and actually desiring partnered sexual pleasure are two separate things. Both sexuals and a-sexuals can experience arousal, but only sexual people actually desire sexual contact with other people for pleasure.

[andy33]

On 2017-4-24 at 7:22 AM, AVEN #1 fan said:

Even if people don't want, their bodies still work, like seriously, it's common for AMABs to get erect without having sexual thoughts.

This is what I've been curious about. I've never had an erection in my life.  

[AVEN #1 fan]

Just now, andy33 said:

This is what I've been curious about. I've never had an erection in my life.  

O-M-G not even involuntary? Srly you should check a doctor.

[andy33]

7 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

O-M-G not even involuntary? Srly you should check a doctor.

I have seen the doctor a few times but all tests come back healthy. The doctor thinks that I probably get them them in my sleep.  

 

 I made a  post about it because I'm a little worried