notarobot Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Hi there, Bear with me as I write this as this is something I have been thinking/worrying about for a while as I don’t quite know what it means about me and I am not sure what I should do. And apologies if this question gets asked over and over again on here. I am 33. Over the past couple of years, I have increasingly been wondering if I am asexual. I identify as gay and have had sex with men in the past. However, over the past couple of years, I have found it appeals to me less and less. What I mean by this is that it just doesn’t interest me. I like intimacy with people but don’t enjoy sex. Without getting too graphic… I no longer get aroused by having sex with another person. Until recently, I have put this down to a low sex drive; but I found myself getting aroused when just by myself thinking of other people. I am currently in a semi-kind-of relationship with a guy – but don’t particularly enjoy him touching me. I've noticed other people on this board using the word “repulsed” and wouldn’t go that strong… but I am just not comfortable with it. I have had this with other guys before. Usually when I first meet up with them, I am fine with physical contact and don’t mind having sex with them the first time. But during any prolonged period of time with them, I start looking for excuses not to get into situations where sex may happen. So yeah… I can look at a guy and think “you’re physically attractive”. I do get aroused at the thought of people having sex. While I have never particularly thought “I don’t want to be the one having sex”… now that I type it out, it wouldn’t bother me. Further to this, still enjoy other aspects… I like the companionship. I like the cuddling and the non-sexual physical intimacy. I am not adverse to relationships – but don’t want to be leading people (myself included) on. I just don’t know what it is. I don’t know if this means I am asexual. I don’t mind if this is the case… but I am just so unsure about what is what… I don’t want to start prescribing myself as asexual if I am just going through a patch where sex doesn’t interest me. Do you guys have any advice? I hate terms like “is this just a phase?”, but this is what I am wondering. I suffer with low self-esteem so it may be a self-worth issue. I would have thought by the age of 33 I would have figured these things out by now, but now I am more unsure than ever. If anyone could give any thoughts or advice on this – it would be most appreciated. Thanks Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SithAzathoth WinterDragon Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Welcome to AVEN. You possibly are asexual as we can not say that you are, you'll find that many fit your area and get to know who you are as you look through the forums. I hope you find answers that you need and good luck. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
x_creampuff_x Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 I feel a similar way and would describe myself as a sex-neutral ace and am homoromantic though it could be possible you are grey-ace or ace-flux I think, I'm not sure but do not feel pressure to label yourself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
notarobot Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 Thanks for your help with this, i appreciate it. Is there any services you could suggest talking to? Like is it worth going to counseling? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BlueSaint Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 This may sound hokey, but whatever you end calling yourself it isn't going to change the person inside. So with that in mind don't worry about the label too much at this point. Think of the label as the wrapping on the present of peace of mind you give yourself... Yeah I just typed that... I stand by it... Seriously though just give yourself time to decompress and take all of this stuff a little bit at a time. There is no need for you to rush to any conclusion. Also don't worry about your age, I wasn't much younger than you when I found this place. As for counseling, that is completely up to you. If you think there is a problem than certainly get whatever help you feel is necessary. You know yourself better than anyone. Although if you are asexual you aren't broken, so there is nothing to fix. This is all ultimately your choice, but if you do have some time just look around here for a bit. You may see things that rings a bell. No matter what ends up happening I hope you find your measure of peace and you will always be welcome here. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pretty_mama2 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Your story sounds very similar to how I've been feeling. I do believe I am asexual now even though i wasn't in the past. I don't enjoy sex or being touched at all. It's uncomfortable for me and even is uncomfortable to talk about most of the time. If you feel like you need to talk to someone then do it. It can't hurt to go and talk about it with someone. But I think only you can decide what and who you are. No one here can tell you if you are or are not asexual. I would say it's up to you to decide who you are 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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