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Asexuality/Gray-ace or just inexperience?


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Member116379

I've recently told my mum about my (lack of) sexuality. She has since told my step dad which was something I was going to do anyway, so that's cool. But they've both; whilst not being dismissive, questioned whether it could just be a lack of experience. I've only had one sexual partner and can count the times I've had sex on one hand. I also don't recall ever having an orgasm either. 

 

Is there anyway to know the difference between inexperience and a genuine lack of sexuality? I've never really been a sexual person, even when I was a teenager. So I'm a bit confused. I feel that heteroromantic asexual sounds like me; it all kind of adds up. But a valid point has been made. Is it just inexperience or something more? 1) I'm not disgusted by sex, but I can definitely 100% live without it, but is that simply because I've never had 'good sex'? 2) do I experiment and see what happens? 3) am I possibly just sexually repressed?! I'm so confused :redface:

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AlexandraLouise

To be honest this is pretty much me too... Only had one sexual partner and really couldn't be fussed with it... everyone tells me it was just that he was rubbish but I never enjoyed it... it kinda was an uncomfortable feeling I can do without.

 

I guess the difference between lack of experience and asexual is that being asexual means you don't want to have sex... I don't know if sexual people feel this too (my mum seems to think they do) but I never really look at someone and think "mm I'd smash that" which is what media suggests people do think... Personally I identify as ace because I just can't be bothered with it all... I'm not interested in it even though (on rare occasions) I sometimes think "maybe it wouldn't be so bad this time"...

 

Asexuality isn't a life sentence anyway - no sexuality is. You might be ace now and then later on it changes. I kinda live by the whole thing of if it happens it happens ('it' being sexual attraction) and I'm cool not spending my time searching for it right now... and to be honest, does it even matter if you're just inexperienced. If you are, one day you'll meet someone and not be inexperienced anymore. Same as, you might meet someone and be totally happy not having sex (both of you).

 

But I kinda get why you're searching for the answer... I was like you up to maybe 6 months ago. As for "experimenting" only do that if you actually want to do that - aka, don't have sex unless you want to.

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You would know if you'd had an orgasm! 

It doesn't sounds like you have negative feelings about sex in general, so it doesn't sound like you're repressed. 

And it makes sense to wonder if you are lacking in experience. Though it sounds like you know you're not very interested in sex.

I wonder if you've tried to figure out what you like, sex wise, if anything at all? Masturbation can be a great way to figure that out. 

 

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Member116379
2 minutes ago, Ousel said:

You would know if you'd had an orgasm! 

It doesn't sounds like you have negative feelings about sex in general, so it doesn't sound like you're repressed. 

And it makes sense to wonder if you are lacking in experience. Though it sounds like you know you're not very interested in sex.

I wonder if you've tried to figure out what you like, sex wise, if anything at all? Masturbation can be a great way to figure that out. 

 

I'm certain I've never had an orgasm during sex. I'm sure of that hahaha I think I have, maybe once of twice, on the very rare occasions when I explore myself etc. But even that's incredibly rare and I never really have the 'urge' to do so

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Member116379

Another thing to mention is that I never went through that stage of puberty when you're sort of sexually awaken. Sure I started to notice boys, had crushes and realised they weren't all that icky, but I was never like 'Yeah I'd bang that. I wanna hit that.' etc

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3 minutes ago, k_pixel said:

Another thing to mention is that I never went through that stage of puberty when you're sort of sexually awaken. Sure I started to notice boys, had crushes and realised they weren't all that icky, but I was never like 'Yeah I'd bang that. I wanna hit that.' etc

So yeah, the labels you're proposing seem to make sense. You've tried things out sexually, but it's not interesting to you, and you don't seem to sexually fantasize about guys even if you're romantically interested. 

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andreas1033

Op, you cannot prove a negative to others.

In this area of asexuality, only you will ever know. Some asexuals, want to prove it through alot of experiences to test themselves, and some very little.

I think most whom have serious doubts about there lack of sexual desire, or sexual attraction for others, are most likely only going to confirm it with the minimum amount of tries.

Sexuals will always try and say its lack of experience, but being sexuals, they can prove it over and over again.

The definition of madness, is trying something over and over again, trying to get a different result. No one can tell a person, how many times they have to try something, before they confirm, they have no interest in something. But for some reason sexuals, think people that think they are asexuals, should keep proving it for life.

Its a thing taht you will live with, as others will always be doubting that you are asexual. You cannot prove a negative to others. All you can do as an asexual, for yourself, is prove it to yourself, how many tries depend son you, and whether you think its worth trying more then once to confirm how you feel.

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This sounds just like me! I've no experience and I don't know if I want to have sex or not. Maybe I just have to try it to see if I like it and I feel like I have to try at one point because everyone is having sex and liking it so why wouldn't I? 

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