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I'm Confused and My Boyfriend Might Want a Blowjob/Handjob


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Wanderlust13

Ok, this makes me feel awkward, but I don't know what else to do. I believe I'm on the asexual spectrum (I don't know where I fall yet, though, as this is all new to me). I don't feel sexual attraction, although I have (awkward) masturbated and enjoyed it. Recently, I started dating a boy I've known for a while. We're pretty close, and he's talking about me maybe giving him handjobs and blowjobs in the future. I don't want to upset him, but I wouldn't be comfortable with that. We're also both pretty young (in our teens young, we're nearly juniors in high school). I just don't know what to do. 

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Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Explain to your boyfriend how you feel and why, and if he's really a good guy for you, he will understand. It might seem like a relationship is the most important thing in the world right now, but what's more important is your own health, happiness and safety. It's not worth putting yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, just to avoid upsetting him. Even if you did go through with it, he would probably be aware of your discomfort, which would make the experience less enjoyable for him, anyway. There's just no reason to put yourself through that.

 

I don't know if you're aware of this, but lots of asexuals masturbate. It's nothing to feel embarrassed about.

 

Welcome to AVEN!!!!!!! Please feel free to share your thoughts, questions, and concerns. Odds are, someone will have had a similar experience, and be able to relate.

:cake::cake::cake::cake::cake: 

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StrangeStory

I agree completely with Starfall.

 

A great friendship should be the foundation for any relationship. You say you've known this guy for a while; is he a good friend? If so, then it should be easy to talk to him about these things you don't want to do. It shouldn't be a big deal at all.

 

Having said that, I do realize that things are not always so easy when you're a teen!

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Okay, so agree with the comments so far, just go with what you're comfortable with, because what matters most is your happiness and comfortability in the situation. Just talk to him about it.

 

I've kinda been in your situation, but I'm a senior of the junior high school (Ik confusing but I love saying it) and had a boyfriend before, broke up, but he was a bit of a sloppy kisser. Thinking back on it, on before i knew I was ace, it was kind of uncomfortable and whenever I said flirty stuff to fit in, it felt odd and gross. So don't do what I did to please people.

 

Just talk and if he's a good friend first, he'll understand. 

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Wanderlust13
20 minutes ago, Infernales said:

Okay, so agree with the comments so far, just go with what you're comfortable with, because what matters most is your happiness and comfortability in the situation. Just talk to him about it.

 

I've kinda been in your situation, but I'm a senior of the junior high school (Ik confusing but I love saying it) and had a boyfriend before, broke up, but he was a bit of a sloppy kisser. Thinking back on it, on before i knew I was ace, it was kind of uncomfortable and whenever I said flirty stuff to fit in, it felt odd and gross. So don't do what I did to please people.

 

Just talk and if he's a good friend first, he'll understand. 

Thanks! I like your Yuri On Ice avatar, by the way

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Hi Kenzie, welcome to AVEN.

Sorry to say so, but sod

13 hours ago, Kenzie3196 said:

I don't want to upset him

Stay inside your comfort zone!

FTR: Sex tends to be addictive to those who are into it. If you say "yes" once you'll face the pleading puppy eyes two times each week to come. - "No" keeps things easier. - He might give-  and split up, But hell, that's life! - If you aren't a buddy with boobs, as awesome as buddies can be in his eyes, why on earth should you head towards intimacy?

 

I'm old. I don't get that modern blow- / hand job culture. What is it about? Bed post notches? Or is it a sneaky way to get a gal closer to giving sex someday later? - Disclaimer: I can easily understand that it feels awkward to masturbate entirely on one's own with somebody else in the same bed. But still: Hand and maybe blowjobs should be if at all happening after a relationship turned entirely sexual. PIV sex seems likelier to turn into a positive experience for both involved. "OK I understand you'd like to preserve your virginity, but could you at least give me a hand job?" sounds absolutely exploitive(!) and isn't a compromise.

I don't see value in trying that stuff before you feel attracted to a partner.

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Wanderlust13

Thank you! All of this stuff is really helping. He's a good person and everything, but I wouldn't be comfortable with doing what he's talking about. He told me that he doesn't want to be demanding or anything and should tell him if I'm uncomfortable with doing something, so that's good, I think.

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Wanderlust13

I told him about me being asexual (somewhere on the spectrum) and it went well. We talked about it and he said to tell him if he was doing something that made me feel uncomfortable. I agreed and everything. He took it well and said that he would be happy just being with me, so that's really good. He's going to read up on asexuality too. Thanks so much, everyone. (That's not supposed to sound sarcastic if it does, by the way)

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999papercranes

Dropping in to say I'm happy that things went well for you! It's always nice to find someone accepting and open-minded, isn't it? I have to say I'm jealous.

Just never do anything you're uncomfortable with is the main thing. :) :cake:

 

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Great to hear things worked out. Sorry if we scared you with all the 'Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable' stuff. It's still true, but we do tend to jump to the worst possible conclusion and assume every relationship is doomed to failure. For the record, lots of Aces have happy, rewarding, mutually beneficial relationships with non-aces. I wish the best for both of you.

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I'm 34, been married (my husband passed away) and while I enjoy intercourse (weirdly though I'm not physically/sexually attracted to anyone, including those I love) handjobs and blowjobs are something I just CAN'T do. 

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