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Demisexual myths


Slayerin96

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Hello! I don't know if anyone has ever started such a thread before on this website, so I decided I could give it a go. So, some myths are:

 

1. Person coming out: "I'm demisexual (+ explanation).

    Response:"Aren't we all?" 

Well, there's a difference between CHOOSING to act upon the attraction/waiting for the right time, and genuinely not feeling desire towards people you don't know well/at all.

 

2. The connection has to be romantic in nature.

Not necessarily, even if it might be often the case.

 

3. "You're afraid". 

No, I'm not afraid. I just have to know the person to some degree because otherwise I can't.

 

4. Demisexuals become sexually attracted to everyone they form a connection with.

Not true. The connection is just a condition. Necessary but not sufficient. 

 

This is it for now, I might come up with some later if I find anything else. Feel free to add more. 

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet

Person coming out: I am demisexual!

Response: You just made that up! Stop trying to be a special snowflake!!!

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Just now, Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet said:

Person coming out: I am demisexual!

Response: You just made that up! Stop trying to be a special snowflake!!!

Yeah, I made it up and wrote all those articles on various websites all by myself just to find you of all make people and make fun. Note the sarcasm xD. 

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet
Just now, Slayerin96 said:

Yeah, I made it up and wrote all those articles on various websites all by myself just to find you of all make people and make fun. Note the sarcasm xD. 

Lmao!

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I still hard to understand why sexuality matter to other people.

 

If someone come out to me say: I am gay/les/ace... I would only reply "oh thats cool". Their sexuality fundamentally have zero impact in my life why would I spend my time argue/worry about...

 

Just be yourself, don't take others opinion too seriously. Everyone has a little agenda in their head.

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1 hour ago, orangecat said:

I still hard to understand why sexuality matter to other people.

 

If someone come out to me say: I am gay/les/ace... I would only reply "oh thats cool". Their sexuality fundamentally have zero impact in my life why would I spend my time argue/worry about...

 

Just be yourself, don't take others opinion too seriously. Everyone has a little agenda in their head.

Well, it matters because it's hard to live in a world where so many people are ignorant and imagine that everyone is the same. Myths, prejudice, misunderstandings are all hard to deal with. All I want is to be believed. 

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On 2017/4/22 at 1:57 PM, Slayerin96 said:

Well, it matters because it's hard to live in a world where so many people are ignorant and imagine that everyone is the same. Myths, prejudice, misunderstandings are all hard to deal with. All I want is to be believed. 

I just give up hope on having a world on sexuality equality.. The fact is that most people are not our kind...you cannot understand the feeling of a fish when you are not a fish..

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On 4/21/2017 at 8:25 AM, Slayerin96 said:

 

1. Person coming out: "I'm demisexual (+ explanation).

    Response:"Aren't we all?" 

Well, there's a difference between CHOOSING to act upon the attraction/waiting for the right time, and genuinely not feeling desire towards people you don't know well/at all.

This is one that I think needs to be emphasized in educating people on demisexuality. I'm not demisexual myself, so I don't have my own personal situation to use as an example, but I try to explain it as a person feeling essentially asexual - no ongoing sexual needs being unmet - until they have developed the necessary bond with a person, which may or may not happen. Sexual people might go a long time without having sex because they aren't in a relationship and they haven't met the right person to go forward with a relationship - but if their sexual needs are at least part of the motivation for them to find someone, then that is absolutely within the range of very normal sexuality.

 

And, to tie this in with your #4, it's not about a mandatory waiting period or applying rules to people or being a ticking time bomb of sexuality. It won't happen with just anyone. I think that's especially important for demisexual people to emphasize when explaining it to people they suspect are attracted to them or interested in a relationship. It's certainly not as simple as doing the right things and waiting it out.

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hopeisnotlost

Myth: Demisexuals can't be kinky

Truth: There are some kinky demisexuals  out there.There are also sexually-repulsed demisexuals. Depends on the person.

 

Myth: Demisexuals use the word demisexual to make the claim that they are oppressed.

Truth: Just claiming a label doesn't mean you are claiming you are oppressed.Hetero-sexuals don't call themselves hetero-sexual because they believe they are oppressed.

 

 

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On 4/25/2017 at 11:17 PM, Snao Çoñé said:

but if their sexual needs are at least part of the motivation for them to find someone, then that is absolutely within the range of very normal sexuality.

I disagree. Wanting to have a sexual relationship is not incompatible with being demisexual. Demisexuality is about attraction. I was aesthetically and mentally attracted to my husband before we started dating. Sexual attraction came later, but I'm sex-favorable and knowing I wanted a sex partner before I had one doesn't make me not a demisexual. I've never experienced attraction before or after being with him.

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DemiDelilah
On 4/25/2017 at 8:17 PM, Snao Çoñé said:

This is one that I think needs to be emphasized in educating people on demisexuality. I'm not demisexual myself, so I don't have my own personal situation to use as an example, but I try to explain it as a person feeling essentially asexual - no ongoing sexual needs being unmet - until they have developed the necessary bond with a person, which may or may not happen. Sexual people might go a long time without having sex because they aren't in a relationship and they haven't met the right person to go forward with a relationship - but if their sexual needs are at least part of the motivation for them to find someone, then that is absolutely within the range of very normal sexuality.

 

And, to tie this in with your #4, it's not about a mandatory waiting period or applying rules to people or being a ticking time bomb of sexuality. It won't happen with just anyone. I think that's especially important for demisexual people to emphasize when explaining it to people they suspect are attracted to them or interested in a relationship. It's certainly not as simple as doing the right things and waiting it out.

On 4/29/2017 at 3:53 PM, junobass said:

I disagree. Wanting to have a sexual relationship is not incompatible with being demisexual. Demisexuality is about attraction. I was aesthetically and mentally attracted to my husband before we started dating. Sexual attraction came later, but I'm sex-favorable and knowing I wanted a sex partner before I had one doesn't make me not a demisexual. I've never experienced attraction before or after being with him.

I agree with junobass. I'm demisexual, and didn't start having sexual feelings at all until I created a romantic bond with my first partner. After that, I enjoyed feeling sexual, and sought out a relationship with someone to feel those feelings again. I didn't have sexual feelings for most of my following partners, even though a romantic bond was formed. But I dated people because I wanted there to be. I liked that aspect of myself, I enjoyed feeling sexual. But it's not something I can really feel (meaning I don't have sexual feelings otherwise. I can't get turned on by others, and don't have a desire to have sex with other people) without a strong bond.  And even now, being in a relationship where I do have sexual feelings, I don't have them all the time. I think you can definitely be asexual and want a relationship so you can have sex. It's not just a sexual trait.  

 

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
On 21.4.2017 at 3:30 PM, Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet said:

Person coming out: I am demisexual!

Response: You just made that up! Stop trying to be a special snowflake!!!

That's exactly what I got as first response when trying to "come out" to some people. It made me stop immediatedly.

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet
4 hours ago, Ryan Wright said:

That's exactly what I got as first response when trying to "come out" to some people. It made me stop immediatedly.

Yeah,that is why I only came out to 4 people I know for sure would be accepting.

I usually keep my asexuality to myself, I don't want the possible annoying backlash from other people.

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1 hour ago, Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet said:

Yeah,that is why I only came out to 4 people I know for sure would be accepting.

I usually keep my asexuality to myself, I don't want the possible annoying backlash from other people.

 

6 hours ago, Ryan Wright said:

That's exactly what I got as first response when trying to "come out" to some people. It made me stop immediatedly.

 

Sorry you both had a hard time talking with others about your sexuality :( I am really happy you feel you can come here and speak your mind! It does a lot to educate and build the community that you feel you can share your experiences and support each other :)

 

I hope you know what you feel is absolutely valid and you are welcome here ;)

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
2 hours ago, Puck said:

 

 

Sorry you both had a hard time talking with others about your sexuality :( I am really happy you feel you can come here and speak your mind! It does a lot to educate and build the community that you feel you can share your experiences and support each other :)

 

I hope you know what you feel is absolutely valid and you are welcome here ;)

Yes absolutedly! It took me so long to post the first commnet here but I'm so glad I did. I'm feeling much better and accepted now :D

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet
2 hours ago, Puck said:

 

 

Sorry you both had a hard time talking with others about your sexuality :( I am really happy you feel you can come here and speak your mind! It does a lot to educate and build the community that you feel you can share your experiences and support each other :)

 

I hope you know what you feel is absolutely valid and you are welcome here ;)

☝👍

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