stephyyz Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 Hi all, I've been musing off and on about whether I could be demi-sexual. I've been reflecting on some things from my past and trying to figure out whether they're clues or answers. [Sorry, I can't figure out the sex-talk cuts, so just a heads up, the post contains sex talk!] | | | | A little context: I've been in a sexual relationship for 3.5 years. Our sex life hasn't been the easiest for a variety of reasons ranging from my partner's bodily insecurities to my own gender identity issues and control issues. In general, while I was very into sex early in our relationship, afterwards I found I wanted other things more than sex (such as talking or cuddling or getting a good night sleep). Additionally, I have some health issues that have made sex not always enjoyable, and my partner has difficulty orgasming, so most sexual encounters just ended in frustration. To go back a while, when I was younger, I remember watching kissing scenes in movies and them making me uncomfortable. I avoided having "the talk" for years until my mom gave up and I just learned things in school. When I realized I was gay, I couldn't really think of my attraction in sexual terms. As I got older, I more so felt compelled to engage in sex because I thought it was expected of me. Maybe I was just a late bloomer? The idea of demi-sexuality seems to resonate with me. I am certainly capable of arousal and sexual attraction but I've never felt overwhelming sexual desire for someone I've just met -- the sexual feelings develop after I have emotional feelings. I enjoy kissing, cuddling, touching. But I certainly couldn't describe myself as an overly sexual person. Sometimes I crave or enjoy sex more than others. I enjoy the feeling of closeness I feel with my partner. But I've never found flirty or being raunchy easy, unless I was completely disconnected emotionally from someone. My partner is the only person I've had sex with who I've loved. I had sex with a few people "just because" when I was 19 and 23 but it never felt right. I've also thought of myself as borderline having Asperger's. I'm wondering if my difficulty connecting with others plays into things? Has anyone experienced a similar life arc? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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