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Why is virginity percieved as sth bad?


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Today I've read an interview with a sexologist just about virginity. He stated that being 20 30 > virgin is sth strange and such women should have sex. He said being virgin in this age is a result of trauma or sth like that. There was also mentioned sex after marriage as a really bad thing. Why is virginity always portrayed as sth bad? How about people who don't want to have sex for their own choice?

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Generally people who dont want sex are a small population as opposed to someone who cant get/have sex but want it or are stopping themselves for some reason. In today's day and age sex is perceived as healthy but honestly i dont think enough studies have been done on the matter, its been too taboo for year now. Yes its how we reproduce but that doesnt mean there arent limits. too much sex can be bad and too little sex can be bad, but that doesnt mean that is always the case, just that there are limits and general rules, and just like every rule there are, just like with food and exercise, some people need more sex to be healthy, some need less. more studies need to be done and we need to break down these stigmas about sex.

 

DISCLAIMER: I do not mean to say i have any medical knowledge or that the statements above are scientifically accurate, they are just my opinions.

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Hi!

He obviously does not know what he is talking about but that seems to be a common thing with sexologists now a days. I actually think I understand why they see it as portrayed as bad as my biology teacher went on how sex is pleasurable and all that shiz and I kept making disgusted face and she was not impressed. It seems to be some people can't understand why people would willingly not take a chance to try the worlds most pleasurable act ,as they see it, and they try and find excuses to try and fix people or convince them something is wrong and that sex is the basic right of passage in the human world.


Hope that gave you an idea :)

 

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Anthracite_Impreza

Concerns me why they care how much or little nookie strangers are having.

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Ace ♠ At ♠ Archery

I don't understand why people are so bothered about it either. There aren't many asexuals and it's normal for most people to have sex so they find virgins at that age 'strange.' In my opinion it shows they are patient and unique, they can think for themselves and they don't do something just because other people are doing it. It's strange how the fact that someone hasn't had a penis in their vagina or vice versa bothers a stranger so much?? Anyways.. people will judge you no matter what you do, if you have sex young you're a slut, if you have sex when you're older you're broken. Other people's opinions don't matter to me anymore.

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Adam_Jensen

Because the majority of people are weak minded,self conscious and are overall miserable.That's why they have this need,this addiction,to put down other people so they can feel better about themselves.Virginshaming is one of many examples they use to bully others.People like this are pathetic,disgusting and vile.

 

Sex is a choice and not a necessity,you can't live without water,oxygen,food or sleep.But you can live without sex.

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Is there a link or anything to have a look at the interview?

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andreas1033

The person being interviewed, is just trying to reinforce there own ideas on sex, and making sure the majority see it his way.

Society keeps social normals this way. Its like an unwritten rule they pass down, on how and what sex should be. People are mostly sexual, so they try and dominate the thoughts on sex, and that everyone should be doing it.

They want to reinforce in there own mind, how they lived was the correct way for humans to live in there view, ie having sex. Thats why a person not having sex, throws them.

Its why very sexually aggressive people, think they can somehow fix people whom abstain from sex.

They want to believe that being sexual is normal, and they must make sure everyone around them is that way, to reinforce there own ideas that what they are doing is right, and normal for humans.

Sexual people tend to be those whom like to dominate others. The more sexually aggressive you are, you tend to be more dominating towards others. These people, more often then not, want others doing what they think others should do, and want others to see the world they see as normal, so they must make sure others want as much sex as they want, otherwise they doubt there own life style.

If someone stays a virgin all there life, its a threat to how they saw a normal human should live. They want to think, they lived a normal life, and what they did was the right thing.

Thats why sexuals, feel disturbed about a person staying a virgin.

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I think the reason is that sex is everywhere and all media and other experts say if you don'\t have sex , there's sth bad with you or sex after marriage is a bad idea. In the past sex after marriage was a normal idea and nobody questioned it. According to 3rd way feminism, all women are worth full. Bell Hooks mentions it in her book on feminism. People and sexologist think in this way because the whole sex image in media has an influence on them. It's also a result of sexual revolution.

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J. van Deijck

o.O Polish site. was that 'sexologist' also Polish? that would actually explain a lot.

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On 4/20/2017 at 2:13 PM, Hayley_me said:

Today I've read an interview with a sexologist just about virginity. He stated that being 20 30 > virgin is sth strange and such women should have sex. He said being virgin in this age is a result of trauma or sth like that. There was also mentioned sex after marriage as a really bad thing. Why is virginity always portrayed as sth bad? How about people who don't want to have sex for their own choice?

SHAME ON THIS PERSON. I say that because sexologists study human sexuality, behavior included. This is NOT ethical to give "that kind" of advice. SCREW HIM.

To your question though:

It's because of how the media portrays sex. At least in America, we have a very paradoxical view of sex. Our music, movies, music videos, etc. put so much emphasis on different sexual activities, but dear god, you mention it in a social circle and people look at you like you're the devil incarnate. You can partially blame religion on this (since many kids grow up in an anti-sex church) as well as possibly "conservative" type parents/values their families might hold in the home they grow up in, making sex seem like some big horrible thing.

 

But this is why we seem to have the "SEX IS GREAT" message but if we actually talk to the average person, they're all like "HISS IT'S THE DEVIL ACTIVITY". So people are perpetually confused. For girls, "virginity" is seen as a prize (blame biblical themes that have carried over into our modern day society) while for boys, it's seen as a "feminine" thing, which is why guys will typically wanna "lose it" as soon as possible. Some radical feminist theory gets into that concept. 

 

**This gets into graphic human anatomy/physiology stuff, warning!**



Personally, I despise the "are you a virgin" question. Why? Well for starters there's multiple kinda of sex (oral, anal, vaginal, etc.). There's also tantric sex (which is basically where you believe your soul/spirit has had sex with someone). Also, if it is penetrative, "when" is it considered "lost" (pre-ejaculation, ejaculation, etc.)

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On 4/20/2017 at 0:13 PM, Kumo said:

SHAME ON THIS PERSON. I say that because sexologists study human sexuality, behavior included. This is NOT ethical to give "that kind" of advice. SCREW HIM.

To your question though:

It's because of how the media portrays sex. At least in America, we have a very paradoxical view of sex. Our music, movies, music videos, etc. put so much emphasis on different sexual activities, but dear god, you mention it in a social circle and people look at you like you're the devil incarnate. You can partially blame religion on this (since many kids grow up in an anti-sex church) as well as possibly "conservative" type parents/values their families might hold in the home they grow up in, making sex seem like some big horrible thing.

 

But this is why we seem to have the "SEX IS GREAT" message but if we actually talk to the average person, they're all like "HISS IT'S THE DEVIL ACTIVITY". So people are perpetually confused. For girls, "virginity" is seen as a prize (blame biblical themes that have carried over into our modern day society) while for boys, it's seen as a "feminine" thing, which is why guys will typically wanna "lose it" as soon as possible. Some radical feminist theory gets into that concept. 

 

**This gets into graphic human anatomy/physiology stuff, warning!**

Spoiler

Personally, I despise the "are you a virgin" question. Why? Well for starters there's multiple kinda of sex (oral, anal, vaginal, etc.). There's also tantric sex (which is basically where you believe your soul/spirit has had sex with someone). Also, if it is penetrative, "when" is it considered "lost" (pre-ejaculation, ejaculation, etc.)

 

Spoiler

This guy also mentioned people who have oral/anal and are still virgins but he also portrayed it as sth bad

 

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Lord Jade Cross

STD's (some incurable), unwanted pregnancies, drama, social problems, financial problems, psycological problems.

 

 

Somebody explain exactly how any of those things are better to a life withhout them. 

 

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Because society is messed-up, that's why.

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Comrade F&F

I seriously don't get it.

 

Can't any benefits that comes from sex just be taken cared of by masturbation?

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J. van Deijck
41 minutes ago, Hayley_me said:

Yes :(

*sigh* it scares me how our mass media depict asexuality as a result of trauma and something that can - and should - be cured ._. apparently they do it because our sexologists actually believe in the bullshit they say.

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J. van Deijck
35 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

STD's (some incurable), unwanted pregnancies, drama, social problems, financial problems, psycological problems.

 

 

Somebody explain exactly how any of those things are better to a life withhout them. 

 

 

 

27 minutes ago, Feys&Florets said:

I seriously don't get it.

 

Can't any benefits that comes from sex just be taken cared of by masturbation?

these are good questions.

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I really think this is because asexuality is still relatively unknown and thus not understood. There is some good research that have been done, but it's not much and just a start. And just because it's been done doesn't mean all sexologists are up to date about it.

 

That person who was interviewed is also a person, and thus are prone to opinions and biases. We've all met bad mechanics, tech people, business folks... that aren't good at what they do and end up doing more harm than good. This person may not have done their research or is letting the views of the majority cloud their understanding, and so aren't great at their job.

 

46 minutes ago, Feys&Florets said:

Can't any benefits that comes from sex just be taken cared of by masturbation?

No, I don't think it's accurate to say that "any" benefits can be taken care of by masturbation. One would be absolutely correct to suggest many of them can and that it's perfectly healthy, normal, and allowed for someone to choose to never have sex and stick to pleasuring themselves. However, many couples find lots of benefits form sex that masturbation alone can't provide, from closeness to their partner to certain acts they can't do alone. Sure, an asexual person may get none of those benefits, but sexuals certainly can. It's fine for any and all people to enjoy sex (or not!) to the amount they choose :)

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i heard it a lot too; I read an article once that said being asexual is a consequence of a trauma in someone's life and despite of all the other orientations, even bi and homosexuality, asexuality is an abnormal state. Hearing these kind of stuffs, sometimes makes me feel like i have a disease, something like a psychological problem.-_-

I really dont know what the truth is. But this person u mentioned, apparently had no idea what he was talking about . because any way, not having sex is a choice; and even if asexuality is a psychological disorder, choosing not to have sex is not for sure! We are HUMANS, we're not PIGS! even sexual people can choose not to have sex for thousands reason!!

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Sex?

 

Heck, even intelligence is portrayed as a negative sometimes.

 

I am a self proclaimed nerd, but the term is often used as a derogatory term.

 

I think sex also falls under not wanting to be perceived as different.

 

Being ostracized is a real fear for a lot of people.

 

Heck, for a number of years, I also pretended that I was like everyone else, even though inside the feeling of being an outsider just grew.

 

In some cases I think people get so scared of this feeling that they are different, or that the world isn't what they think it is, that they have to reinforce their feelings by proclaiming to the sky what is "normal."

 

It sometimes reminds of the cliché of homosexual people in the closet hating other homosexuals because they can't deal with their own feelings.

 

 

 

 

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I'm of the view that increased asexuality awareness will go a long way to addressing this issue. My impression is that even in English speaking countries (where asexuality as an organized community started and where much of the academic research to date has been conducted), asexuality still isn't that well known and understood, so I imagine the situation is likely to be worse elsewhere.

I would also say that people who become sexologists tend to be motivated by a sex positive ideology, and so they're inclined to think that sex is great and that people who are uninterested in sex are either repressed or have some kind of mental problem. This is an unfortunate situation because it means that often the people who purport to educate about human sexuality are unable to appreciate that it isn't relevant to some people's lives and that some people have good reasons for thinking that sexuality isn't always a beneficial force in relationships and in society. For that reason, in addition to increased awareness about asexuality, there also needs to be increased expression of the diversity of ideological views pertaining to human sexuality.

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Adam_Jensen
8 hours ago, argar said:

Sex?

 

Heck, even intelligence is portrayed as a negative sometimes.

 

I am a self proclaimed nerd, but the term is often used as a derogatory term.

 

I think sex also falls under not wanting to be perceived as different.

 

Being ostracized is a real fear for a lot of people.

 

Heck, for a number of years, I also pretended that I was like everyone else, even though inside the feeling of being an outsider just grew.

 

In some cases I think people get so scared of this feeling that they are different, or that the world isn't what they think it is, that they have to reinforce their feelings by proclaiming to the sky what is "normal."

 

It sometimes reminds of the cliché of homosexual people in the closet hating other homosexuals because they can't deal with their own feelings.

 

 

 

 

Yea people are obsessed with the label "normal",they're so obsessed to the point they're willing to drop everything that makes them an individual just so they can be labeled as "normal".That's because society doesn't want individuals but sheep that possess the same opinions and thoughts and everyone who differs even in the slightest way,like for example for not liking sex,is immediately looked down upon.Hell even is high school people called me weird because I was quiet and introverted.But as I said in the past I'd rather be an outcast instead of being a sheep.

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chair jockey

I can understand you being angry because that person has no business offering expert opinions on things outside his field. As a sexologist he's an expert on how sex works and that is all. He has no credentials on ethical or moral questions such as who should have sex, what kind of sex is right or wrong, and whether sex is a good or bad thing. In terms of those other things he should keep his mouth shut.

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This guy also boasted 80% of his patients had sex after his therapy but didn't mention if they felt comfortable or not. I also think the main reason of saying such things are MONEY. The more we convince virginity is wrong, the more money we can make.

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Anthracite_Impreza
2 hours ago, Hayley_me said:

This guy also boasted 80% of his patients had sex after his therapy but didn't mention if they felt comfortable or not. I also think the main reason of saying such things are MONEY. The more we convince virginity is wrong, the more money we can make.

Quite honestly, he just sounds like a twat. 

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Luftschlosseule

I think because it's stuff adults do opposed to stuff children do.
Loads of people think comics and videogames are for children and if an adult happens to enjoy this they don't get viewed as fully adult. On this leaf, there not only things to not-do to be an adult, but also things to do to be an adult, like having sex.

 

Sexual teens view it as passing-stone of becoming an adult.

 

On the other hand, virginity is quite priced. Bridalgowns are mostly white to show that this person is pure, untainted. Women are able to sell their virginity to the highest bidder, because taking it is seen as a special act.

In history, marriage didn't only mean the ceremony of swapping oaths and rings but also having sex, and if that never happened a pair was not really married.

 

I agree that the guy you tell about sounds like a twat. You can't see it, but I am rolling my eyes over here.

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SithAzathoth WinterDragon

Back then sex was only allowed to have when both female and the male wanted offspring, now it's a thing that many think we all want and see it weird that some never want it or desire it. I never had it , and I never want to try it. A friend who I told that I'm asexual and homoromantic and not heterosexual is now thinking it's cute and funny to talk about male genitals to me and sharing half naked male photos in email.

Why are people thinking this is funny and that everyone loves it is beyond me. Also why people think all females "need" to have sex is beyond me. I have a friend who tried telling me to try it with him and I gave him a warning and he never tried again. 

I will tell my friend this Tuesday she needs to stop telling her sickening jokes and sending the photos because i do not like them and she only started it because I told her I'm not hetero. I only laugh to pretend that I find them "funny" it's horrible to force myself to laugh but society sees it as "normal" that all are sexual, when they find out that someone is not they target those who avoid it at all costs.

I do not know why virginity is seen as bad or wrong. I'm in my late 20's and still virgin, I have no desire to ever change it.

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