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Joselyn

Asexual virgins, what does your gyno say about it?

66 posts in this topic

I put "Pap smear" into the search box here because I went to the doctor recently and had a similar experience. I just moved, and my last doctor flat out didn't believe me that I was a virgin (my dad being a doctor at the hospital and having access to my charts was probably why, but come on, like I'd lie to my doctor). I brought that up to my new doctor, saying my old doctor refused to do a Pap and saying I wanted a Pap smear because I just found out my birth-grandmother died from ovarian cancer and my birthmom has PCOS and I spend my days typing oncology reports and I'm a bit worried. Lol. She was a bit incredulous about it ("You sure you've never had sex? Of any kind?") and I said not even remotely close. She did look at me like I had three eyes though. Haha. Following this logic, she said I didn't need a Pap smear, and actually gave me a referral for a pelvic ultrasound because of my concerns. She'd rather have me do an ultrasound than have a Pap smear? So... Okay... Anyway, I didn't go for the ultrasound because I'm sure my insurance would have never paid for it.

 

They really wanted me to get the HPV vaccine a few years back when I was still young enough to get it (I think you have to be under 26 or something), but they asked me like a day after I got a liver ultrasound for a weird toxic reaction to my tetanus/diphtheria vaccine so needless to say I wasn't that excited to get another vaccine and I just like, blew it off. Again, they knew I was a virgin but clearly didn't believe me or had their hopes set on me having sex.

 

I've considered lying to my doctor to get the Pap smear but maybe I don't really need it? My doctor made it sound like if you have never had sex, the test is useless because it can only detect the human-transmitted HPV (but, I'm not positive this is true?).

 

EDIT:

Oh, in regard to doctors not believing me--I went to a walk in clinic when I was like 20 because I passed out at school, and the first thing they did was a pregnancy test (without my authorization. is that allowed?) even though when they asked when my last period was, my answer was "right now". Seriously people? And the doctor was all proud of himself and was like "the first thing I do when something like this happens is a pregnancy test" all smug and it was really weird. Turns out I just had Strep throat. But, of course, they assumed I was pregnant first? I mean, I get it but I don't get it.

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How can you be comfortable with someone inspecting your private parts? I mean, I get uncomfortable in normal exams, so I don't think I could stand that

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I had an 8-month long 'friend', and the only thing that stopped me from hemorrhaging was/is an IUD. I apparently have an issue with the insertion and taking it out. I have to be knocked out for it. They also do a pap while they have me under.

 

Anyways, I have to see a gyno before each time I have it done. Last time was just 2 years ago, and I was 30. It was before I realized I was aro ace. I don't have much of an issue with the usual question: Are you sexually active? Totally understandable. However, after a while of more sexual based questions, I started to feel uncomfortable. Eventually, she asked me if I'll ever be sexually active. When, I said I didn't know, she laughed. She said a woman at my age should have been sexually active for a long time already. She asked if I ever had a boyfriend, I said yes but only one. She asked me if I'd deprive my future boyfriends and eventually husband of sex. That's a whole lot of assumptions. She also asked if I'd ever get married, too. She was laughing hysterically by the end. Said that I needed to have sex at some point. I was only there to talk about getting something that's been a lifesaver. Not to be grilled, mocked, and feel embarrassed. Worst experience with a gyno I've ever had. Although, I've seen only one other gyno. Next time, if they ask more than the usual question on the subject, I'm outright going to tell them I'm aro ace. I'll explain it if I have to. Some aces are sexually active, but some aren't. I can explain that to them as well. It's not really a thing for me since I'm not attracted to others this way. Someday I might try it, since I'm super curious. But, I'm also repulsed...Anyways, it feels like it was discriminatory in a way. Sorry, this ended up so long. -_-

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(reads above post) :blink: :o :mad: How rude of that medical professional, laughing at you for admitting that you hadn't had sex! That is unprofessional and uncalled for. For all she knew, you might've been physically abused or molested as a child and afraid to be intimate. That doesn't give her the right to laugh and dismiss a person like that.

 

I dislike it when older people dismiss younger adults as silly, uneducated, or inept and assume that they haven't experienced as much in life, when they don't know that person's personal history. Some young adults were physically or sexually abused as children and/or lived in dysfunctional homes where they were forced to grow up and be more mature than their peers, whereas, some older adults were lucky enough to have not gone through these things at all.

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I'm 34 and have recently been exploring/learning more about my sexuality. Recently, I had an exam scheduled with a new-to-me physician and decided to be open with her. 

 

Honestly, it was kind of an amusing experience. She seemed really pleased at the prospect my virginity may forever remain intact (due to the rise in STI potential from sexual contact). When I told her I wasn't sure exactly how the future would look, her answer was "it would be so much better for you if you didn't. Your cervix is perfect." (I decided to take that as a compliment.)

 

I am so sorry to hear of all the unpleasant experiences women have had with gynos, especially considering how important our reproductive health and care is to our ever changing (and aging) bodies. 

 

Any advice I have would likely be colored by living in a fairly progressive, liberal area (in Massachusetts) where I think doctors are more versed and expectant for sexuality spectrum and gender fluidity. 

 

I guess what I appreciated most about my experience and of my doctor was her attention to my medical needs and not any judgement. I felt comfortable and accepted by her, and I sincerely hope her kind of care and practice becomes the norm. 

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The only time I started going to a gyno was for problems, to make sure I didn't have like cancer or tumors or something (stuff had been happening since I was 11 or 12 but I never told anyone, and when I finally did the people I told completely freaked out and made me think I was dying or something).  I still have to go back to her every year to get a renew on my meds, but that's all I go for.  Every time she asks me to get these STD prevention vaccinations, and every time I tell her that there will be no spread of STDs in this here body unless they are violently forced upon me.  She looks at me weird but says "okay" and leaves it at that.  Find someone who can just go "okay" and do what you need them to do, that's my two cents.

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