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Joselyn

Asexual virgins, what does your gyno say about it?

60 posts in this topic

I love my doctor so so much. She commended me for still being a virgin and told me that it was actually healthy that I wasn't exposing myself to any sex related diseases. I am old enough for a gyno but my doctor put it to the side until I have sex or I turn 30.

All the happy being said i had a nurse tell me i was lying about my virginity and told me i needed to track my cycle. When i told her i never saw the point because I wasn't active she rolled her eyes and told me that she found that very unlikely and i needed to tell my doctor the truth. I did tell the truth, I told my doctor that her nurse was a bitch.

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I went to the gyno once to get advice about some bad cramps I'd been having.  It was my first time, and I was extremely nervous.  However, both she and the nurse were very professional and respectful.  They didn't pressure me to get physically examined (though they recommended it), and when I told the doctor I'd never had sex, she seemed a little surprised, but accepted it without judging.  She was an older lady, too, so I don't know if that makes a difference.

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10 hours ago, TheLittleRabbit said:

There are other problems unrelated to sex that they can notice, especially if you were born prematurely.  If you're a premie, really all babies, are supposed to be checked shortly after birth for certain physical defects that can cause complications later on.  I was born over two months early and with so many other health problems that in the chaos I guess they never checked down there even though I was in NICU for five months.  My case is super, super, super rare.  All the doctors I've seen just sort of stare at me trying to figure out how I managed to reach adulthood without anyone noticing, which is frustrating for me because none of them have previous experience with this, but because I am the unlucky one in a billion, I do advocate for young women to get an examination down there pre-puberty.  Once everything is all developed fixing physical deformations is a lot more painful.  I think of it being equivalent to getting circumsized as an adult, but of course there's no way to really compare the two.  

I was born three months early!

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I get pestered at the doc to get examined annually and I follow the every 5 year thing, particularly because I'm not sexually active. I explain why I refuse an annual exam and they grudgingly agree. They don't seem to be too swayed about my lack of activity, either. My only experience with a cynical doctor was in the emergency room when I was about 25. I was having pain (turned out to be bladder stones) and naturally the staff's first inclination was to dig around my lady parts. First they asked about my sex life and when I said I had never been active, the male doctor almost incredulously asked, "You've NEVER had sexual intercourse??". When I confirmed AGAIN that I hadn't, they reluctantly decided to forego the pelvic exam and did an ultrasound instead. Bingo! Stones. I almost smugly said "HA!!" 😜

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I love my doctor when it comes to these things, she is always very friendly and open-minded.I'm FAB and when i had to do a smear test again for uterus cancer research (the pain of being in your 30's and having to do these tests every 5 year) she complimented me that i still was a virgin being in my mid 30's, she even told me that if i don't ever plan to have sex i wouldn't have to do the test again because the risk of getting something would be very small.I politely told her that i wouldn't consider not doing it again as my health is very important, she really understood me well and didn't make one bad remark.OP if i were you i'd search for someone who would understand you, that doctor of yours doesn't really sound like they are very understanding. Nobody is required to get married and have 5 children.

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A bit tmi i guess but until a few months ago I never bothered to go for cervical checkups even though they'd been pestering me for years. When I finally showed up they didn't ask if I was sexually active - they just asked if I was on any birth control (yes), and whether I was in a relationship (yes). Given those answers, I think they just assumed I was sexually active regularly. They didn't ask for clarification so I had no opportunity to elaborate that the birth control was for PCOS and that I'm in a relationship with a girl I rarely have sex with. They were rather rough and didn't try to make me feel comfortable, and I bled a lot afterwards. I don't consider myself a virgin but I honestly don't have much experience with penetration, so it was a pretty bad experience. if I'd gone to them any time before started attempting sexual compromise (which was like, six months before I went), I would have been very freaked out and probably a little traumatised so I'm glad I waited....

 

The last time I'd been to a gyno before that was when I was diagnosed with PCOS, which was also when I started on birth control. I think I was around 17 (so this was 10 years ago) and no one gave me any grief at that age for not having any experience and I was examined via ultrasound. When they prescribed the pill they said "btw, this also works as birth control for when you need it, wink wink" and I didn't say anything about not ever needing it for that purpose... lol.

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My usual gyno never made any comments about it. But once I had to go see a different doctor, and at the end of the exam she said something like "maybe by the time you have your next appointment you start having sex, it would make the examination much easier" O.o  Major WTF moment. They have no right to make any comments about your lifestyle choices, it's only relevant in terms of medical examination and any health issues.

 

 

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2 hours ago, Mauru said:

My usual gyno never made any comments about it. But once I had to go see a different doctor, and at the end of the exam she said something like "maybe by the time you have your next appointment you start having sex, it would make the examination much easier" O.o  Major WTF moment. They have no right to make any comments about your lifestyle choices, it's only relevant in terms of medical examination and any health issues.

 

 

My gyno mentioned something like that too. I'm thinking, are you suggesting sex so that it's easier to stick a speculum up there to check and see if I have any sexual related diseases?

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1 minute ago, Evren said:

My gyno mentioned something like that too. I'm thinking, are you suggesting sex so that it's easier to stick a speculum up there to check and see if I have any sexual related diseases?

Well, this gyno just checked my breasts and didn't give me pelvic exam at all, she said that if there are no complaints, virgins don't need one. True or just a bad doctor?

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16 minutes ago, Joselyn said:

Well, this gyno just checked my breasts and didn't give me pelvic exam at all, she said that if there are no complaints, virgins don't need one. True or just a bad doctor?

Pelvic exams check for cervical cancer, which is almost always caused by HPV, which is almost always contracted through sex. So there is a very very small possibility of getting HPV and then possibly cancer without having sex. So you should probably have one but not as often as a sexually active person. Every 3-5 years instead of every year.

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1 hour ago, Joselyn said:

Well, this gyno just checked my breasts and didn't give me pelvic exam at all, she said that if there are no complaints, virgins don't need one. True or just a bad doctor?

Anyone can get cancer anywhere, it's just less likely down there if you're not exposed to the HPV virus (which is transmitted sexually or I guess through blood). 

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It is a pity that such doctors are not uncommon (many times I read similar stories).

 

I get annual medical examination. Since the age of 14 (I'm 21) attending gynecology (also annually). 

Doctor: - Sexually active?
I: - No.
Regular dialogue with the doctor. Still no one said to go to a psychologist. 

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i guess i've went to the gyno a couple times for sure so far, maybe even three. The first time was for an ovary related thing and i was a teenager. But even the last time i went (at 21) she asked me first if i had sex and when i said no she was fine, no big deal at all or anything, thankfully..

But yeah i second who said to get to another doctor, you deserve better. It's very disappointing to read when this happens .-.

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On 4/20/2017 at 2:59 PM, swirl_of_blue said:

Your doctor was probably talking about the HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) vaccine. There are at least two different vaccines, but both of them prevent infection by the most common human papilloma viruses (there are several viruses that are quite similar to each other). HPVs cause cervical cancer, and the virus is spread through sex. So if one stays virgin for their whole life, they are probably safe from cervical cancer as they will not be infected by any HPV. Having the shot is almost as good, though not it doesn't protect from every type of the virus. In addition to cervical cancer the HPVs also cause genital warts. Most HPV infections are asymptomatic and will never cause any problems and will even resolve on their own, but there is also the risk of cancer developing at some point.

Yeah, I opted not to get that shot. I'm not exactly in the high risk category for HPV.

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19 hours ago, WobblyWallaby said:

All the happy being said i had a nurse tell me i was lying about my virginity and told me i needed to track my cycle. When i told her i never saw the point because I wasn't active she rolled her eyes and told me that she found that very unlikely and i needed to tell my doctor the truth. I did tell the truth, I told my doctor that her nurse was a bitch.

Lol, burn!

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Let me just add that being a virgin female ace whose period went AWOL for a few months around age 22 was no picnic. If I said it once to my doc, I said it a million times...NO. I'M NOT PREGNANT. YES, I'M SURE. THERE IS NO POSSIBILITY. TRUST ME. 😜

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31 minutes ago, Jenna444 said:

Let me just add that being a virgin female ace whose period went AWOL for a few months around age 22 was no picnic. If I said it once to my doc, I said it a million times...NO. I'M NOT PREGNANT. YES, I'M SURE. THERE IS NO POSSIBILITY. TRUST ME. 😜

I always say 'not unless I'm the next virgin mary'; either gets a laugh or awkward silence. Either way, any further sex talk is avoided.

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2 hours ago, Jenna444 said:

Let me just add that being a virgin female ace whose period went AWOL for a few months around age 22 was no picnic. If I said it once to my doc, I said it a million times...NO. I'M NOT PREGNANT. YES, I'M SURE. THERE IS NO POSSIBILITY. TRUST ME. 😜

I had to be admitted to the hospital multiple times in one month, about a year ago. I got so used to answering that question. Are you pregnant? Could you possibly be pregnant? There's no possibility of pregnancy? You understand, if we do this procedure and you are pregnant, you could lose the baby. 

They weren't mean about it or anything, they just have to ask it for legal purposes before most procedures.

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I've had two experiences recently (I'm 27,asexual and virgin so pretty much same as you in that respect)  About a year ago I was sent to get an internal exam because I had some sort of inflammation due to stress but the woman wouldn't do the exam cos she said it wasn't ethically correct as I was a virgin.  She seemed pissed off at me as if I had inconvenienced her.  My doctor knew I was a virgin and sent me for it.  Another doctor last week sent me for an ultrasound due to period problems and they said if they didn't get an accurate reading they would have to do an internal exam.  She asked me about 4 times if I was a virgin and kept repeating it, sounding more shocked, as if my answer was suddenly going to change.  I found it quite rude but didn't give it much thought about that.  

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I just kept telling my doctor I'm not sexual, I never been to get it checked.Basically I rather remain virgin and never worry about being what society expects of me.

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I went to a Gynecologist once... They got one hell of a surprise when they checked me down there to find that I had the wrong genitals... Sorry, just thought I'd throw in some useless information... Carry on XD

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1 hour ago, Baggage_warrior said:

I went to a Gynecologist once... They got one hell of a surprise when they checked me down there to find that I had the wrong genitals... Sorry, just thought I'd throw in some useless information... Carry on XD

😂😂😂

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17 hours ago, Evren said:

Pelvic exams check for cervical cancer, which is almost always caused by HPV, which is almost always contracted through sex. So there is a very very small possibility of getting HPV and then possibly cancer without having sex. So you should probably have one but not as often as a sexually active person. Every 3-5 years instead of every year.

It's quite terrifying for me, when I read it and think about people who have sex. Why would you want to do something that causes cancer?:huh:

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Funnily enough, she never asked. If she did, I would either explain the concept of asexuality, or tell her that my sex life - or lack thereof - is only her concern if and when it relates to my health. Which it doesn't, at the moment.

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I don't have a gyno (things work differently in the uk) but when I had smear tests in the past the nurse didn't even ask whether I was sexually active, so I didn't bring it up.

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4 hours ago, ohdearIzzy said:

I don't have a gyno (things work differently in the uk) but when I had smear tests in the past the nurse didn't even ask whether I was sexually active, so I didn't bring it up.

Mine did :D Because they also offer STD testing at the same time. I had explained to her that yeah I sometimes have sex but not often and have only had 2 partners. She used the smallest instruments on me (the one they use for virgins - that's why they ask), couldn't see what they needed to because my bits aren't in the usual place and had to go up a size. I had very mild cramps that evening but was generally ok. 

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18 minutes ago, Ciri said:

Mine did :D Because they also offer STD testing at the same time. I had explained to her that yeah I sometimes have sex but not often and have only had 2 partners. She used the smallest instruments on me (the one they use for virgins - that's why they ask), couldn't see what they needed to because my bits aren't in the usual place and had to go up a size. I had very mild cramps that evening but was generally ok. 

I have another due later this year at a different surgery, we'll see whether the nurse asks this time! I had no problems with the test despite not having had sex, just found it mildly uncomfortable and undignified.

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Never went to a gyno but my doctor did get very suspicious when she found out I didn't drink, do drugs or ever have sex. She seemed to think I was lying.

Next time I'm planning to just say I'm religious if someone asks why. I'm still young enough for people to think I have strict parents or something.

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That was so unprofessional... You would think that someone like this, given that they have a so called education, would know not to say something so rude given every person has their own preference and even if it was a case of trauma, there is a much more casual nice way to go about this. I think you should most definitely switch doctors, and as for my experience, I have had doctors give me those looks too, but as for a gyno, never been to one. Too scared, but thinking about going because it's better to be safe than sorry? 

 

Anyways... I am sorry you had this experience. 

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I recently had a similar situation and got around it by asking for a more specific question. I was having a problem with a male specific body part so I went to see my family doctor. He mentioned that it could be caused by STDs and wanted to know about my sex life. I didn't want to tell him I've never had sex so I said, "I'm not sexually active right now. Is there a specific time period you're interesting in knowing about, such as the last 3 months or the last 6 months?" My doctor then asked if I had had sex in the past 3 months and I said no and he didn't ask any more questions about sex.

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