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All things genderfluid!


Ruka S.

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I identify as genderfluid and am looking for friends who are also gender fluid. Feel free to post on this thread anything that relates to gender fluidity. Everyone is welcome as long as they respect the others posting here.

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Janus the Fox

Not certain gender-fluid but have felt differently within the gender spectrum on occasion, most probably a mild gender-fluidity change between Male/Female-Agender.

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Hi! I'm genderfluid!

 

I love mixing traditionally male and female dress styles when dancing. Skirts and ties, cleavage and vests, bow ties and heels, stuff like that. :D Knowing how to lead and follow in ballroom dancing also helps with gender dysphoria. 

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Good to meet you guys! I mostly stay on the feminine side of gender but do sometimes feel more on the masculine side. I don't have a binder yet and I'm like the posterboard female with a small waist, large hips, feminine face, medium chest, all that. The only things remotely masculine about me are my broad shoulders and personality. I typically wear leggings and baggy sweaters. Haven't found anything masculine that fits me. I tried passing as a male once. My voice is on the higher side of androgynous and I act and stand like a female.

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23 minutes ago, Ruka S. said:

Good to meet you guys! I mostly stay on the feminine side of gender but do sometimes feel more on the masculine side. I don't have a binder yet and I'm like the posterboard female with a small waist, large hips, feminine face, medium chest, all that. The only things remotely masculine about me are my broad shoulders and personality. I typically wear leggings and baggy sweaters. Haven't found anything masculine that fits me. I tried passing as a male once. My voice is on the higher side of androgynous and I act and stand like a female.

It's nice to meet you, too! :) 

 

I feel yeah on the feminine aspects. I have large breasts and wide hips, and it's taken me years to find a system that makes me feel masculine. On top of that, binders make breathing difficult, and constricted breathing will cause me to have panic attacks and severe anxiety. (gc2b is a well reviewed and good binder company) Personally, I found that losing weight helped me pass much better than before, along with analyzing the traits I found charming/likable in men to emulate. Even though it's difficult for me to pass as a dude, I find comfort in being able to look and act like the dude that I want to be, rather than a stereotypical guy.

 

Question: Have y'all ever felt like a dude in a girl's body, but so entertained by the idea of being in a girl's body, that you dressed up in 'girly' clothing? (basically feeling like a transvestite)

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Not really. It never occurred to me. When I'm a male trapped in my female body I advoid mirrors and girly things in general cause it gets majorly depressing.

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I used to be overly like that, and still have my dysphoric/sad moments, but as of this last year I've felt a little more... playful, I guess, with my masculinity side? I've also been a little more aware of just how many genders I phase through, and that included the strange transvestite thing. :)

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Hi guys!

 

As a whole, my body doesn't feel gendered to me. I think it did in the past, but now it doesn't really. The *trapped inside a woman's body* thing makes me rather dysphoric, because it labels my body as womanly. Sometimes, when I' on the transmasculine side of things, I am annoyed at my body for being so... restrictive and not like I'd prefer it to be (flat-chested for one). I think I have this image of my ideal self in my head, and my body type just doesn't allow for me to realize any of it. Because I sometimes feel like a quite feminine guy, But expressing that femininity while looking afab makes me dysphoric. And binders haven't worked for me so far (I have yet to try gc2b). So generally, I aim for a middleground when it comes to gender expression.

 

I recently noticed that I start being attracted to guys way more shortly before I shift towards transmasculine. It's a funny observation. But the whole being attracted to guys things is really frustrating to me, because I don't want to date any guys *as a woman*.

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Hi Finn. I totally get the dysphoria thing. It sucks. I have a medium chest but I can't order any binders cause I have no credit card. But my friend uses GC2B and he simply loves them. They make his chest look incredibly flat. I'm really jealous of him cause he has a binder. He passes well, I have never passed ever. Well once when I was skiing someone called me sir.

 

 And a change in attraction when/near gender changes isn't something you're alone in. When I'm on the feminine side I'm attracted to femininity way more, when I feel masculine I'm more attracted to masculinity. When I'm agender it's more of no attraction or panromantic. (Btw I'm on the Gray/Demisexual plane of being)

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Interesting. My romantic attraction changes all the time, regardless of my gender. Gay guy, lesbian, straight girl, bi guy, bi agender- my romantic identity feels like it goes all over the spectrum. (I thought I was abrosexual until I realized what asexual was)

 

Although, when I feel agender, I do generally feel more aromantic. Those days I just genuinely give zero fucks about other humans, adapting their archaic labels, and partaking in their strange rituals. Actually, I kind of feel like that today... humans are weird.

 

6 hours ago, Finn. said:

I think I have this image of my ideal self in my head, and my body type just doesn't allow for me to realize any of it.

I feel ya. There's no winning when gender fluidity is involved, either. Personally, I wish that I was either biologically male or had smaller breasts, since breasts are so easy to fake. Creating a flat chest causes restricted breathing, which for me, causes panic attacks. Luckily my binder will let me look like how I want for short amounts of time (flat chest), at home, but wearing it in public is risky. Gender dysphoria suuuuucks, but I found that dressing up at home eleviates some of that frustration.

 

Gc2b is pretty nice. I found that my binder was a better jogging bra than my actual sports bras. I haven't been able to find where I learned this, but I read somewhere that gc2b is a branch from a sports clothing company, which is why they're so good.

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Wearing a binder (I tried underworks because I could get it via amazon) just fucks with my head. I really like my reflection with it but it just doesn't work for me, and I wouldn't be able to leave the house wearing one. The binder still couldn't cover the fact that *I'm hiding something*, my ribcage and waist is just too slim (I'm wearing a 70/75, or 32/34 in US sizes), it looks weird with basically all my clothes. And my head just can't handle looking so different to what I'm used to.

I found a good sports bra (pro classic by nike) that work well for me so far. I have three of them now. I rarely wear bras anymore, this just feels much better. Less movement and my shoulders appear broader, and they definitely make my boobs look 1-2 cup sizes smaller. I just generally feel less reminded of having boobs.

 

I don't think there is an (allo/a)sexual relation to my gender. I started to sort of feel sexual attraction for the first time since forever last week, which is also before my gender shifted. But now it's nearly gone again. It comes and goes all the time, it rarely gets as strong as this time though.

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I want to get top surgery but there are those times where I love my breasts. If I got rid of them I'd still have dysphoria. It really sucks cause FtM and MtF people can have these surgeries without still feeling dysphoria no matter what. 

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1 minute ago, Ruka S. said:

I want to get top surgery but there are those times where I love my breasts. If I got rid of them I'd still have dysphoria. It really sucks cause FtM and MtF people can have these surgeries without still feeling dysphoria no matter what. 

This!

 

Sometimes I really want to be flat-chested. But sometimes I like having boobs. I always dislike having big boobs though. I would love to have a breast reduction at some point, but it's expensive and I don't even want to think about recovery and stuff. =/

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39 minutes ago, Finn. said:

I found a good sports bra (pro classic by nike)

Yes! It's great! :)

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ChillaKilla

I feel like my gender is probably more fluid than I give it credit for, but since the fluctuations are very predictable and relatively small in any direction I just don't give it a lot of though. I've noticed that it tends to depend on time of day(?) as in I'm much more femme at night and masc at day. It's not every day this happens, it's just when it does that's the pattern it follows.

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I honestly don't know if I'm genderfluid or not, I do experience some changes as well, but it makes no sense to me whatsoever apart from the fact that the monthly cycle influences the way I feel and want to behave. Like, right now I'm in the middle and can't get gentlemen off my mind. I also feel like I want to be flirty and gratious, and hence I wore a skirt yesterday. But that's about it. Still doesn't disturb my feels of "I'm one of the guys". Another time, I can feel more aggressive or territorial, and my sexual orientation shifts with the cycle and the libido feels a bit different too. Ha ha, I don't get the mind-body mismatch in the first place, I guess I'm too much of an aesthetics-oriented person to consider how I look in those terms.

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10 hours ago, Finn. said:
11 hours ago, Ruka S. said:

I want to get top surgery but there are those times where I love my breasts. If I got rid of them I'd still have dysphoria. It really sucks cause FtM and MtF people can have these surgeries without still feeling dysphoria no matter what. 

This!

 

Sometimes I really want to be flat-chested. But sometimes I like having boobs. I always dislike having big boobs though. I would love to have a breast reduction at some point, but it's expensive and I don't even want to think about recovery and stuff. =/

Same. I would love to get top surgery; but then there would be scarring, potential tissue damage, expenses, social/family stigma... my sister got surgery to make her boobs bigger, and people have always told me how 'lucky' I am, so I almost feel like getting surgery would be disrespectful to them. I know that sounds weird, but I've met enough women who feel disempowered by having small breasts, that to get surgery would almost be like... I don't know, being ungrateful?

 

For the most part, even when I feel like a woman, I don't like having a large chest, though. The only bonus is the subconscious effect they have on people. Like, studies show that waitresses with bigger breasts get tipped more. I've also heard that people like hugs from people with larger breasts, because it reminds them of their mother from when they were a kid.

 

Buuuut boobs are annoying and get in the way. Honestly, I wish that I could cut them off and have a flat chest magically replace them.

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If I could get rid of them and replace them with a masculine chest (no side effects, tissue damage, scarring, imperfections) I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'm blessed with a chest size of b32 but mine are still growing. But I know people my age with d-cups and they are always complaining about back pain and the bouncing. I put on a sports bra and they just stop moving. But they are prominent enough that the can draw attention and scream my biological gender. But when I asked my doctor about my chest they said they might grow a lot (all the females I'm my family have medium/large breasts.

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The-world-is-quiet-here

Hi! I'm a little late to this thread, but I'm still here :) 

 

I identified as a genderfluid demiboy for like a year (sometimes a boy, neutral, agender), but recently, like 3 months ago, I started not minding she pronouns as much. I took that to mean I was more feminine, but idk. I feel like my gender is changing again, or I'm at least experiencing more dysphoria. Not a lot, but it comes and goes. 

 

I'm out to my family, but everyone uses she pronouns for me, and I haven't really objected to it cause I haven't cared these past couple months, so then they keep doing it. It's a vicious cycle. Plus I feel bad for correcting them on it. I don't even use they pronouns for myself all the time.

 

Re: binding and boobs: I don't wear my binder that much. I have a pretty small chest, but even when I bind, I don't pass. :mellow:

 

I haven't noticed my attraction changing in relation to my gender, but that sounds really interesting, and confusing! I have noticed myself kinda checking out guys more, but I don't think it's anything more than "he's pretty". At least not right now. ;)

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Has anyone here tried contouring your face to make the curves more masculine? I've considered it but I'm allergic to most makeups that go anywhere but your eyelashes.

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ChillaKilla
39 minutes ago, Ruka S. said:

Has anyone here tried contouring your face to make the curves more masculine? I've considered it but I'm allergic to most makeups that go anywhere but your eyelashes.

Done it, it works p well

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ad make-up: I tried but unsuccessfully. I think the way you shape your eyebrows has a big impact, though. You can fill in the eyebrows as well. Sometimes eyeliner can do the job, surprisingly, but you have to stick to the rock band aesthetic (how the men do the make-up).

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My first guy day in a month. Now I remember why I wanted a binder and what dysphoria feels like. I'm also on my period. I want HRT right now but I don't want HRT when I'm a girl. Plus we can't afford it. I have to wait til my birthday to get a binder cause that's when I'm getting a credit card. 115 days. I want one right now but my mom would never get me one. Even if I wasn't closeted. And I have no friends who can help and are willing to help.

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WinnieMcCoy

Hi! *waves* I've got a question?

 So I'm a gender fluid female with she/her pronouns. and basically I mostly feel both masculine and feminine but every now and again the "girl side" will win out and I'll wear dresses and low cut shirts and makeup. But other days the "guy side" will win out and I'll dress in my mom's sports bra (it's a size too small and A super-duper-boobie-sucker-inner because it's a super duty sports bra) and clothing pilfered from my uncle because he and I are about the same size. (He's a little guy, I'm a big girl). I don't suffer from dysphoria, (than heavens) but I think that's because I already both male and female most times so when I look in the mirror I feel like I'm looking at both a masculine woman and a feminine man at the same time.

 

Any ways, my question. Do any of you have long hair? If so, how do you go about feeling masculine with it? Mine is wavy, about chest length and dyed purple at the tips and I usually wear a hat, but with summer coming on I would like another solution that doesn't involve cutting it off.

 

Also, I do agree with @Sean-Kat, I'll sometimes have a masculine day, but still wear womans clothes, or have a feminine day but wear mans clothes just because I can and because it's fun to explore what feels right! 

 

Also, Also, *hugs @Ruka S. and anyone else who needs it* I recommend a heavy duty sports bra, like a running bra, and make it a size or two too small. I'm a rather large breasted gal and it brung me down almost flat. Also, they can be pretty darn inexpensive. If you want a quick fix, look into it. Plus, buying a bra won't alert any suspicions, I'm closeted and wearing a sports bra doesn't raise any eyebrows!

*hugs again* I'll be your friend, and I might not be able to help physically but I'll sure as heck be willing to talk whenever! 

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Hi there! I actually did have long hair up till a month ago. It was originally down to my hips but now it's chin length. But cutting it was mostly cause it got in the way and I hated brushing it.

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On 30-4-2017 at 1:44 AM, Ruka S. said:

My first guy day in a month. Now I remember why I wanted a binder and what dysphoria feels like. I'm also on my period. I want HRT right now but I don't want HRT when I'm a girl. Plus we can't afford it. I have to wait til my birthday to get a binder cause that's when I'm getting a credit card. 115 days. I want one right now but my mom would never get me one. Even if I wasn't closeted. And I have no friends who can help and are willing to help.

I'm closeted aswell and still ordering a binder. I just mailed the store because of allergy questions but it's going to happen anyway. I wear sportsbra's too, noone will raise an eyebrow on that one. I feel the same way about HRT because if i completely become a guy  i might not like it and want to go back to being a girl. HRT is fully covered here (meds, surgery and etc)  but i still don't think it's in the cards for me. I'm not FTM, that's for sure..yeah, periods suck and so does being closeted.

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Sean_Bird
On 5/2/2017 at 11:18 PM, WinnieMcCoy said:

Any ways, my question. Do any of you have long hair? If so, how do you go about feeling masculine with it? Mine is wavy, about chest length and dyed purple at the tips and I usually wear a hat, but with summer coming on I would like another solution that doesn't involve cutting it off.

 

Also, I do agree with @Sean-Kat, I'll sometimes have a masculine day, but still wear womans clothes, or have a feminine day but wear mans clothes just because I can and because it's fun to explore what feels right! 

I used to have long hair, and hated it. (Both for dysphoria and upkeep) I would suggest checking out photos of men with long hair and including that in your mental checklist of manly traits. For me, sometimes seeing men being feminine will make me less self conscious when I feel like a dude. Looking at photos might normalize men with long hair for you, and potentially disassociate long hair from strictly women.

 

17 hours ago, Jayce said:

I'm closeted aswell and still ordering a binder. I just mailed the store because of allergy questions but it's going to happen anyway. I wear sportsbra's too, noone will raise an eyebrow on that one. I feel the same way about HRT because if i completely become a guy  i might not like it and want to go back to being a girl. HRT is fully covered here (meds, surgery and etc)  but i still don't think it's in the cards for me. I'm not FTM, that's for sure..yeah, periods suck and so does being closeted.

Being closeted does suck. Having no idea how people will react when you do tell them also sucks.

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WinnieMcCoy
6 hours ago, Sean-Kat said:

I used to have long hair, and hated it. (Both for dysphoria and upkeep) I would suggest checking out photos of men with long hair and including that in your mental checklist of manly traits. For me, sometimes seeing men being feminine will make me less self conscious when I feel like a dude. Looking at photos might normalize men with long hair for you, and potentially disassociate long hair from strictly women.

Ok, that sounds good. Thank you! Ohhh, I'll go look up styling tips for men! Do my hair today!:D:lol: Thanks again!!!

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6 hours ago, Sean-Kat said:

Being closeted does suck. Having no idea how people will react when you do tell them also sucks.

I can relate! I'm not out for that very reason, the preaches i'd have to endure would be really heavy...but hey, at least i can wear what i want without her complaining about it, that's the only positive thing i can safely say about it.

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Sean_Bird
3 hours ago, WinnieMcCoy said:

Ok, that sounds good. Thank you! Ohhh, I'll go look up styling tips for men! Do my hair today!:D:lol: Thanks again!!!

You're welcome! I hope that helps. :)

 

3 hours ago, Jayce said:

I can relate! I'm not out for that very reason, the preaches i'd have to endure would be really heavy...but hey, at least i can wear what i want without her complaining about it, that's the only positive thing i can safely say about it.

Back in high school I made a comment on Facebook about being gay, which somehow got to my parents, and they freaked the fuck out. Ever since, I don't really tell them any specifics about my life. Generally, if someone is too immature to handle something as simple as gay, I avoid talking about my gender.

 

I have been very open about my gender in college this last year to college students, though. Having a word for what I am has been empowering, and I kind of enjoy being a role model and example. Some days it's scary, but it's also reduced my anxiety on the topic a lot, since I'm not hiding anything anymore.

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