What's the opposite of demisexual? Is it a thing?

[Confused77777777777777777]

Hi there,

 

I have recently been a little confused in terms of my own romantic identity. I have a decent sex drive, love sex. Look out to have sex here and there, though depression and medication can bring me down a bit. And I don't need it like all the time but I do desire sex to a point where I know I'm definitely not asexual or demisexual. Like I know sexually I'm pan af. 

 

But romance is rare for me. I definitely have felt it, maybe not quiet like other people though. It takes me a while, I feel the feeling does not happen as often as other people. I like the idea of being poly because I don't see the harm in being with multiple people. I don't view my partner having sex with people as something that makes me less or as something to worry about. Same goes for me having sex with other people other than my partner. But I'm also like just not very romantic. I have moments where I long for romance, given certain people and usually a while after I've been sexual with them. But in general, it's not really something I desire. It's like once in a blue moon. When I feel it, it can be strong. I do see myself getting married. But like I could also go ten years without being in a relationship. Easily. It wouldn't bother me.

 

I don't know where that puts me. I don't know if it's even on the ace spectrum or if it's unique or if it's really common. I feel like it's almost the opposite of demisexual. Like I can only form romantic relationships over a long time of closeness and usually after we've been sexual. And I do desire relationship but in given time and the amount of times I've found people I've desired that connection with is rare. 

[_rio]

Just like how demisexual is on the asexual spectrum, demiromantic exists on the aromantic spectrum. If you're demiromantic, you can feel romantically attracted to someone, but only after a long time/forming a strong close connection with them. It's not quite the opposite of demisexual, but rather its counterpart on a different spectrum.

I know I'm demiromantic myself because I've only ever felt romantic attraction to people I've known for a long time/people I've gotten super close to. 

Does this help? 

[Confused77777777777777777]

It helps. It doesn't mean you can't also be sexual though right? Like I'm really not in the asexual, greysexual, or demisexual scale at all. I think that's the part that confuses me a bit. I also feel like some of it attaches to I don't even want to be romantic now but may be more willing when I'm like 30/40

[God of the Forest]

You start getting into trouble when you start comparing yourself to other people or whats normal for other people. For example, whats normal for me is a low low low sex drive but im suupper romantic with all the hearts and flowers, THAT is what is normal for ME. For you, it sounds like a healthy sex drive and little desire for romance is what is normal for you and thats totally fine as long as no one is hurt, or as long as you dont intend to hurt. You do you beautiful, just make sure that you always be aware of your actions and how they affect other people and you'll do fine. Dont worry so much, there's nothing wrong with you silly  and to answer the question of what that makes you... the word youre looking for is YOU, it makes you you.

[_rio]

14 hours ago, RipleyJ said:

You start getting into trouble when you start comparing yourself to other people or whats normal for other people. ...

You do you beautiful, just make sure that you always be aware of your actions and how they affect other people and you'll do fine. Dont worry so much, there's nothing wrong with you silly  and to answer the question of what that makes you... the word youre looking for is YOU, it makes you you.

Yes yes yes yes yes, so much of this!  

 

However, if you do feel the need to figure out a label for yourself, I totally understand. For me, there was a social need to find others who are similar to me. I'll try to explain again, since it was late when I last attempted this and words can be hard. 

 

The way attraction was explained to me is that there are multiple types of attraction (e.g., sexual, romantic, sensual, emotional, aesthetic) and each type of attraction has a spectrum (e.g., pan, bi, homo, hetero, demi, gray, a-). There's a much larger and comprehensive list of orientations out there, but I've simplified this for brevity. Basically you can mix and match types of attraction and the directionality(?) of your orientation towards it and you're good to go. For example, you could combine aromantic and bisexual, or pansensual and homoromantic and asexual, or even demiromantic and pansexual. For me, I guess I'm panaesthetic and demiromantic and asexual, since I'm so completely enamoured by many people's aesthetic, but I'm not sexually attracted to them. And like I said above, romantic attraction kind of sneaks in much later after I meet someone, if at all. There's a lot of quasi-falling for my best friends and no love at first sight for me, but I'm ok with that. 

 

Hopefully I did a better job this time, and if you like I can link you to a very comprehensive list of orientations (it's a fairly daunting 27 page google doc). It could be that you're not quite demiromantic but something close to it. I'll let you figure it out!

 

Either way, it's fairly common (at least on AVEN) to be on the aromantic spectrum  so if you do find a label you're comfortable with, there's lots of folks here who are probably in the same boat or a very similar one.