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Do I belong here?


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Hi everybody!!! I'm new here, partly because I think I might belong to this community, but I'd like some honest opinions. . .

Recently I fell head-over-heels in love with -yes, a girl-I've been soooo confused lately. . . first I thought I must be lesbian/bi, but then I thought about it and I've never been sexually attracted to any girl (including the relationship I'm in now). . . so that was sort of out. But then I was thinking about it, and I don't really find guys to be "hot" or "sexy" either. . . I see my friends checking people out, but I just don't get it. I mean, I think some people are beautiful in an artistic way, but I don't "want" them.

And I'm so in love with my girlfriend, it's hard to describe how my love for her is deeper than friendship when I don't want to have sex with her. . . we know each other so well, and we have songs and memories and inside jokes and poems and paintings and letters. . . and I can feel her sometimes- when she hurt her leg I could feel it and knew before she told me. . . I just feel soo right around her. . . It's like this burst of warm energy overcomes me and all I want is to be closer to her, holding her, kissing her. . . but when she tries to push it further, I freak out.

The idea of sex, frankly, grosses me out.

I just don't understand why anyone would be into that sorta thing. I don't need her feeling me up to know our love is real, to feel connected to her, to promise myself to her and know she loves me in return.

I'm pretty young, and maybe this is a phase, but this is who I am right now. Do I belong here? I'm so sick of being confused. . .

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Home is where the heart is.

You're certainly welcome here, you have to decide if you belong here.

You're extremely lucky to be showing up with something that alot of us are still searching for- an intimate nonsexual relationship.

I'm gonna try out a completely new metaphore, if I don't make any sense than ignore me:

Sex is like money:

A) Money makes the world go round. The more you have access to it, the more you can know that materially you will be secure and happy.

B) Money is essentially worthless. It's just some paper with a picture printed on it. Other than the ascethetic value (which varies from person to person) that that picture has and the worth of the paper it's got no real value, but it's GRANTED SOCIAL VALUE. If I want to acquire goods and services through, say, a different type of currency or without money at all I would have to convince people that whatever I have has the same sort of social value that money has.

Sex feels good to some people, and it takes a certain investement of time and energy, but other than that it's not really important. It is made SOCIALLY important because it deliniates which relationships are important and intimate and which are not. (As money grants material comfort sex grants emotional comfort.)

Trying to form a romantic relationship without sex is like walking into a store without money. You can still walk out with what you want, but you have to convince yourself, your partner, and (to an extent) society at large that the intimacy you share is really that.

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*Gapes at AVENguy's fantastic metaphor, just hangin' out there for everyone to see. Points at it.*

Would ya LOOK at that metaphor?!

Freakin' great!

*Looks around to see if anyone is watching...grabs metaphor and runs away to use it on sexuals in future.*

Cate

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i don't like that relationship metaphor at the end... cause you can't walk out of a store with what you want without money. that means it's impossible to have a real asexual relationship. granted, i don't, but if two like minded asexuals got together, it would work... imo.

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VivreEstEsperer

Yeah...if you walk out of a store with what you want without paying for it, you'll most likely be arrested. If you're in a relationship without sex, you certainly won't be arrested, lol.

True!! Welcome to AVEN. What a wonderful description of a loving nonsexual relationship. that sounds great and hold onto it. there's nothing wrong with you for not wanting sex. :):)

Kate

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hey, true. well, only you can decide if you feel comfortable here, but you're more than welcome. if you're questioning your sexuality/asexuality, if you'd like somewhere to talk and get to know some other cool people, if you have no idea what to call yourself and are sick of trying to find the right label you've come to the right place. we hope you'll stay around. youkoso!

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anythingtestdead

I didnt get the metaphore at the end,.,.......if you walk out of the store with what ever you want then you would be stealing.........mabey im taking it to literaly,............im confused...

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