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Help (sexual content warning)


smolgrapes

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So, I'm 13 years old and nearly 14. I just heard my mother and stepdad having sex. I could hear every damn decibel. It woke me up, and now I feel sick to my stomach. I can't go back to sleep. Yeah, I've had Sex Ed, but I'm just a young teen! We're only split apart by a wall, so at least do it when I'm around my biological father's, Jesus.

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AVEN #1 fan

I hear my parents do it all the time, it's funny they still pretend I didn't see anything.

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18 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

I hear my parents do it all the time, it's funny they still pretend I didn't see anything.

I physically feel ill though. Sometimes I've hinted at it like telling them to turn the TV down, but they still do it when they think I'm asleep. I heard every damn sound.

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AVEN #1 fan
Just now, smolgrapes said:

I physically feel ill though. Sometimes I've hinted at it like telling them to turn the TV down, but they still do it when they think I'm asleep. I heard every damn sound.

Well, can't you pretend they're not doing it like hearing music or watch TV?  I listen to music.

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23 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

Well, can't you pretend they're not doing it like hearing music or watch TV?  I listen to music.

Yeah, but it's when I'm trying to sleep and I need silence to sleep. I could block it out with white noise, but I'm not a fan of that. I just can't understand why you'd do it in the room next to your underage daughter.

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Your options are to either ignore the situation or confront them about it. Confronting them is going to be awkward, but if you find that ignoring it doesn't work, then it may be the preferable option. If you decide to do so, you could first try making stronger hints than you've done already, before turning to more direct language. Since part of the problem is that you need silence to sleep, you could start the conversation in an indirect way by saying something to the effect that you're having difficultly sleeping because the house isn't quiet enough at night.

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You could pretend like you think the sound is something else. Like, "have you guys been hearing those raccoons on the roof? It sounds like they're murdering each other or having sex. I can't tell. They keep waking me up in the middle of the night." (Specifically tell them the time and days you heard them)

 

Or, when they wake you up, you could bang on the wall and ask them to sleep. Or text them, during, and ask them to be quiet.

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You could also bang on the wall when you hear them, so you do not have to have an awkward conversation but they do know you can hear them and will probably be less loud from then on

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DesiButters519x

I have to agree with Sean-Kat, that sounds like a perfect idea.

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On 24 April 2017 at 5:39 AM, Desilu19x said:

I have to agree with Sean-Kat, that sounds like a perfect idea.

Raccoons aren't where I live though, unfortunately.

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nanogretchen4

What is your goal? If you just want to sleep more soundly, white noise and/or earplugs would make the most sense. That way you are in direct control of your own sleep issue, and this will help with a wide range of noise sources, not just a married couple having sex in what they believe to be the privacy of their own bedroom while they believe you are sleeping.

 

Before you try to get them to change their behavior, think carefully about exactly what you want them to do and whether that is reasonable. For example, expecting them never to have sex while you are living in the same house for the next five or more years is not reasonable. If you want them to be quieter, that may or may not be possible since they are probably trying to be quiet already. Maybe they could switch to having sex while you are watching TV or something? The point is, any solution except the earplugs or white noise requires a super awkward conversation, followed by a string of awkward parental efforts to have sex more stealthily.

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50 minutes ago, nanogretchen4 said:

What is your goal? If you just want to sleep more soundly, white noise and/or earplugs would make the most sense. That way you are in direct control of your own sleep issue, and this will help with a wide range of noise sources, not just a married couple having sex in what they believe to be the privacy of their own bedroom while they believe you are sleeping.

 

Before you try to get them to change their behavior, think carefully about exactly what you want them to do and whether that is reasonable. For example, expecting them never to have sex while you are living in the same house for the next five or more years is not reasonable. If you want them to be quieter, that may or may not be possible since they are probably trying to be quiet already. Maybe they could switch to having sex while you are watching TV or something? The point is, any solution except the earplugs or white noise requires a super awkward conversation, followed by a string of awkward parental efforts to have sex more stealthily.

They can do that while she's at school. They could go to the garage. They could play their tv louder to cover the noise. Letting an underage girl listen to her parents have sex is poor parenting and absolutely disgusting, and they should deal with the situation.

 

People have urges, I get that. But they're adults doing an adult thing and should deal with the consequences. They're also parents first, and should put their child before their sex life.

 

That being said, if OP decides to not confront them and go with the earplugs solution,  I understand that. The parents are likely unaware of how loud they are, and earplugs are an easy solution with no confrontation. 

 

1 hour ago, smolgrapes said:

Raccoons aren't where I live though, unfortunately.

Squirrels? Rats? Any small animal would work, I just chose a random one. Even if raccoons aren't in the neighborhood, you could say something sounding like raccoons was on the roof. The main point of the example was to give your parents an "out", to lessen how awkward the conversation would be, and make it clear that you heard them without being direct. Adding the small level of humor would also lessen the awkwardness and let them know that you're not mad, but you do notice, and it is loud/annoying and disrupting your sleep schedule.

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16 hours ago, Sean-Kat said:

They can do that while she's at school. They could go to the garage. They could play their tv louder to cover the noise. Letting an underage girl listen to her parents have sex is poor parenting and absolutely disgusting, and they should deal with the situation.

 

People have urges, I get that. But they're adults doing an adult thing and should deal with the consequences. They're also parents first, and should put their child before their sex life.

 

That being said, if OP decides to not confront them and go with the earplugs solution,  I understand that. The parents are likely unaware of how loud they are, and earplugs are an easy solution with no confrontation. 

 

Squirrels? Rats? Any small animal would work, I just chose a random one. Even if raccoons aren't in the neighborhood, you could say something sounding like raccoons was on the roof. The main point of the example was to give your parents an "out", to lessen how awkward the conversation would be, and make it clear that you heard them without being direct. Adding the small level of humor would also lessen the awkwardness and let them know that you're not mad, but you do notice, and it is loud/annoying and disrupting your sleep schedule.

Well next time I visit my biological father's house he said he'll get me earplugs as I ranted about the issue to him. He also found it disgusting that they'd feel the need to do it on a weeknight (I mean I visit my father's house every two weeks, they should do it then if they really want to do it, not when I'm in the room next to them.

 

Part of the problem is that they get drunk EVERY night, don't think about it, have the TV on obnoxiously loud until midnight, and then I finally manage to get to sleep after they finish laughing loudly at the loud TV. Then I get woken up to them doing it at least twice a week. I have to go to school, for Christ's sake, and both my Mum and Stepdad have to go to work. I'm only not at school today because I have a stomach virus, and even then they weren't quiet last night either (I could've been violently vomiting and only my sister would've noticed). My sister can hear it in her room as well, and she's very mad at them for being so disturbing, since she does have her A levels coming up, so you'd think that they'd respect that she needs to get a healthy amount of sleep.

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DesiButters519x
On 4/25/2017 at 11:32 AM, smolgrapes said:

Raccoons aren't where I live though, unfortunately.

Overall love, either you should be subtle with it, as Sean Kat suggested, or be plain direct about it. Since you mentioned your sister can hear them as well, both of you should confront your mom and step dad. Tell them that the walls are very thin and that you can hear them and everything they do, and how it makes you feel. She is your mother and she needs to put YOUR needs above hers. There is a time and place for everything, or she could just be more careful with that. I get that everyone has urges and that it's her house and all, but she has CHILDREN, she is a MOTHER and she is suppose to put you first overall. BOTH you and your sister. If you don't feel comfortable about confronting her with your sister, then ask your father to do it. He has a say in it too because after all at the end of the day he is your father and he would want what's best for you and your sister. Plus, he SHOULD have done it by now tbh. No matter what the situation may be between your biological father and mother, he should stand up for you and defend you because you are his daughter and if she has any sense, she will clean up her ways. Your step father honestly has no say, especially when it comes to you and your sister. He isn't your blood father so I would frankly ignore anything he has to say. (Since he might not care.... unless he is actually a very caring person... I say this because the majority of step father stories I hear are not so pretty)

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12 hours ago, Desilu19x said:

Overall love, either you should be subtle with it, as Sean Kat suggested, or be plain direct about it. Since you mentioned your sister can hear them as well, both of you should confront your mom and step dad. Tell them that the walls are very thin and that you can hear them and everything they do, and how it makes you feel. She is your mother and she needs to put YOUR needs above hers. There is a time and place for everything, or she could just be more careful with that. I get that everyone has urges and that it's her house and all, but she has CHILDREN, she is a MOTHER and she is suppose to put you first overall. BOTH you and your sister. If you don't feel comfortable about confronting her with your sister, then ask your father to do it. He has a say in it too because after all at the end of the day he is your father and he would want what's best for you and your sister. Plus, he SHOULD have done it by now tbh. No matter what the situation may be between your biological father and mother, he should stand up for you and defend you because you are his daughter and if she has any sense, she will clean up her ways. Your step father honestly has no say, especially when it comes to you and your sister. He isn't your blood father so I would frankly ignore anything he has to say. (Since he might not care.... unless he is actually a very caring person... I say this because the majority of step father stories I hear are not so pretty)

My mother never listens to anything my father says, so I guess that there's no hope. She'll get mad at anybody who tries to speak to her about her alcoholism, since my Grandmother has already tried to stop her from that. My Grandmother said that she'll have a quiet talk with my Mum about it, so hopefully that should help. My Grandmother does find it unacceptable, though.

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