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To romantics and aromantics and everyone inbetween: what does marriage mean to you?


Dew the Drop

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Dew the Drop

What is marriage to you? How about weddings? Are they romantic? What aspects of them are romantic to you? How?

 

I am very lost on my romantic orientation, I don't think I've ever felt romantic attraction because I've never had the butterflies or warm-fuzzies or giddiness my friends describe and I have never had any desire to kiss someone or even hold hands. Up until about two months ago I thought these were crushes but now I'm realizing that they were probably squishes because I just viewed them as a "superfriend" and nothing else... And this pretty much fits the definition of a QPR. I wanted to be best friends with the person, but in a slightly different way... it's hard to explain, but I'm realizing that there were never any romantic feelings. Okie dokie.

 

There doesn't seem to be a lot of talk about this, so here we go. I assume romance repulsed and romance positive aros think differently here, but all answers are greatly appreciated.

 

Personally, I see getting married (as in going to a courthouse and signing the papers) as a sort of ceremonial bonding and saying "Aww, I love you (platonically) and now you're stuck with me for life" and nothing exactly romantic. A wedding (as in walking down the aisle) would be a different story, though, they seem a bit too intimate for my tastes. I'm wondering if there are any aros that feel the same way about marriage? (This is all hypothetical.) Thanks for reading/answering!

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Grumpy Alien

Marriage to me is a commitment and symbol of (romantic) love. 

I hate weddings. I find them repulsive. 

 

I'm both romantic and sexual.

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AroAce here.. 

 

Marriage is a long term commitment to someone you hopefully trust. 

 

My opinion on it- waste of time and money. Then again- I'm not planning on marrying or having kids. 

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I don't really have an opinion on it. I see it as a symbol of long term romantic and/or sexual commitment to someone. Although most definitely not all marriages are like that, and people get married for perfectly valid reasons besides that. I think they're expensive, so if I'm ever going to get married I hope to at least be in good financial standing :P 

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Marriage means a worthless ceremony to me.  I already express my life through blogging; the general public has access to that.  So I don't need a marriage to clarify my love for someone.  But with me being prideful of my singlehood; I have no necessity for marriage.  I'm all for marriage as long as I'm not involved; I don't want to go through one whether I'm in it or spectating.  Do you, but don't involve me.  I can talk about it & how wonderful it makes people feel; but I can't partake in it.  I fantasize about being in relationships but it never ends up in marriage.  As long as I'm alive; I'll be typing about Lover's Mask, but none of them will end up in marriage.

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DayDreamer~

I'm not entirely sure what my feelings are towards people romantically. I like hand-holding and hugging and the idea of spending time together like walks in a park, watching shows together, doing random crafts together, kind of like a goofy best friend but more than a best friend that I can be myself around and have a deep emotional connection? I consider myself hetero-romantic but I'm not entirely sure of what 'romance' means specifically.

 

Anywho, I think of marriage as a lifelong commitment to someone you truly care about and want to spend your life with. Mostly a symbolic thing that kind of makes a partnership official, I guess. Don't really care for the paperwork part of it. (Does one even need to be 'married' in order to live their life with someone? I haven't considered this before now.)

As for weddings, couldn't care less about them. I like seeing my family members happy, and I was a junior bride's maid for my cousin last summer, but I personally find them too costly and extravagant for my taste. If I get married I wouldn't want one at all, but I would be willing to compromise for a small one with only my immediate family. And neutral vows, since I'm not religious. 

 

I'd mostly hope to come to a quiet agreement between me and said partner if he exists that we'd like to share an adventure of a life together, and from that point on it's just the way things are- an emotional commitment.

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WinterWanderer

 

As others have said, marriage to me is a symbol of love and/or commitment. I'm not sure I'd get married, but if I did, it would be to someone with whom I'd want to spend the rest of my life. (Not likely, as I'm probably aro, but stranger things have happened.)

 

As for weddings... they're alright, I guess. Kind of pointless, but it would be nice to get lots of gifts. :P My sister's weddings was a lot of fun, because lots of us were nerds there. She had a tech-themed wedding. The other weddings I've gone to were stuffy and boring.

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I don't identify with any label, but to me marriage and weddings were always in my list of never do in your life. 

 

To me they are a waste of time and money. A contract you make with someone. I can't see the appeal in doing them. 

 

If two people like/love each other and want to be together, there is no need for any of that. Just get a house and move in together. That's basically what a marriage is, but without the contract. (That was always way more romantic in my mind than weddings and marriages.) 

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Marriage to me means a real commitment, and an act of love. To me, I think marriage is a positive thing. If you love someone enough, you should marry them, no matter what kind of attraction you do or do not feel. Marriage involves every kind of attraction (in my opinion.) 

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Galactic Turtle
1 hour ago, Dew the Drop said:

What is marriage to you?

The merging of two families by way of two individuals from each family.

 

1 hour ago, Dew the Drop said:

How about weddings?

The celebration of said merger. 

 

1 hour ago, Dew the Drop said:

Are they romantic? What aspects of them are romantic to you? How?

They could be if they're gushing over each other. The ceremony seems more like an opportunity to get tons of money and be the center of attention.

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My opinions align with basically everyone else's. I view marriage as a commitment that makes legal and social interactions easier. It's not something I'd need (I just want a queerplatonic relationship) but I'm not opposed to it. Weddings, on the other hand, I'd rather tear out my eyes than do. It's expensive, and I have crippling social anxiety, so an event with a bunch of people staring at me? I'd rather die thanks. 

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I view marriage as something fun my partner and I can do to symbolise our monogamy and commitment.  We don't want a massive wedding with the silly frilly dress etc, but it will be fun to have a small ceremony and sign the papers etc. More like a celebration of our relationship than anything else. :)

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Dark General

To me, marriage is a societal institution in which two people form a commitment to each other. However, I also believe that it is a contract that binds people together. To be honest, I don't really believe in marriage at all. I don't understand partaking in a societal institution like marriage just to prove that you love someone. I also think marriage tends to complicate the majority of romantic relationships. I've noticed that marriages rarely last forever because people change over time and feelings change. People are welcome to get married if they want to, but I want no part in it. I've known since I was a kid that I don't ever want to get married. As for weddings, I think that they're mostly a waste of time and money. Why does a person need to have a huge ceremony to celebrate their commitment to someone? I don't understand it at all. I've never really liked weddings. Despite how I feel about weddings though, I like the pretty things that are seen like clothes, cakes, and all that stuff. As for marriage and weddings being romantic, I think that they are to some people and not to others. I'm in the others category. I don't really find them to be very romantic.

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DesiButters519x

I don't mind marriage and weddings, but personally for me, I don't want either. I find them a bore and a waste of time. I don't really need a ceremony or a paper telling me I love said person  or feel like this made them "mine". To me, it's just simply about being together, that's all. I may be asexual, but all I know is that I do wanna have kids. To me, that's more important.

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arekathevampyre

Weddings are a complete waste of money (as weddings are very very expensive) . And marriage is tying down . I am glad I am aro actually . I dont have to feel tired mantaining a marriage which feels like a forever chore thing . which will tire everyone out at the end of the day . so yeah 

 just my opinion . 

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ChillaKilla

A symbol of romantic love and capitalism. I'd only ever get married because of mutually beneficial tax breaks between myself and a friend. Doubt we'd even cohabit. I could do a duplex at best.

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Dew the Drop

Thanks to everyone for replying... this helps me a lot! I could take or leave marriage, personally, but I'm really glad to see that so many people of both contrasting and similar romantic and sexual orientations have different opinions on this

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I hope to get married as it at least means I'll have a live in friend. As for the wedding, most of the traditions I have to follow are already set out, but I hope to keep the rest rather small.

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Marriage can be good for financial purposes. Commitment to one another goes far beyond any ceremony or contract though.

 

For me financial is the only good reason for it.

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Simply put, we signed a legal document that allows us to pay less taxes and visit each other in the hospital :P

 

 

I feel if I ever love anyone enough to marry them, any emotional commitment I would make would have already been made before walking down any aisle. It's a public display of commitment of course, but when I build relationships the small moments feel so much more important than the big ones many times :)

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Homoromantic ace here. I don't think marriage is particularly romantic and I think it's an antiquated sort of tradition which many people actively don't want me to have, but I definitely understand why people marry for legal convenience and finances and tax breaks, etc. 

 

It was never in my life plan to get married but at the moment I'm considering it because being an immigrant with UK residency in a committed relationship with a person from the EU, current politics might mean we might not be able to stay in the same country together for much longer or keep our jobs, etc. Marriage could be a solution to getting a visa either for myself to stay somewhere else in the EU or for my partner to stay in the UK. I know it's cynical and kind of shit, but them's the breaks and I'm weighing up the benefits vs the inconveniences. Though rules are so tight on these sorts of things if my partner and I collectively don't earn a certain amount of money I think it may not even help much... in which case, never mind.

 

Sorry to bring politics into it, but honestly I feel like marriage for me has been so politicized for me that I can't see it in any other way. Heh.

 

( Weddings on the other hand... people like to have any excuse to throw a party - so of course they'll make a big deal out of marriage. It doesn't seem that weird to me because I know people who have made as big a deal of their 18th and 21st birthdays. I do really like creative parties with themes but I don't think I'd ever want to spend that much money myself... )

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Mychemicalqpr

Polyamorous panromantic asexual with a low romance drive (at least that's the best explanation I have right now)

 

There are two components of a wedding to me: legal and social. 

 

I would do the legal component if it was beneficial in my and a partner's circumstances. 

 

I would do the social component if it was important to my partner(s) and they were OK with it being very unconventional, which they probably would be if they wanted to marry me. It's not a huge deal to me, but having a party where everything gets to be our way sounds like it could be fun. 

 

These two aspects can be combined or separate. You can have your relationship legally recognized without having a gathering (e.g. trying to save money or time) or you can have the gathering without the legal part (e.g. can't be legally married to more than one partner).

 

I don't think that marriage should be necessary to validate a commitment, but I don't think it's a bad thing either. I'm pretty neutral about it. 

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I think marriage is fine as long as I don't have to participate!

I don't understand the big wedding thing at all, never have done.  I remember back in High School other girls were already planning their weddings!  I couldn't imagine anything worse than being the centre of attention and so on. 

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Adam_Jensen

A prison which you can't escape.

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet

To me...Marriage is fine as long as I am not participating in it :D

I personally don't mind weddings.

 

 

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Weddings are fine though I dont know if I'd want one or not. 

If I ever did have one Id want it to be small, hell I may even elope. Just get it done quietly and maybe have a couple close friends and family know that it happened. (plus, I hate dressing fancy.)

At the same time though I'd probably be fine not getting married at all. It's such a hassle... Plus Id hope I wouldn't need this big fancy day just to know that the other person cared. 

So yeah I dunno I guess I could go either way. 

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I see nothing wrong with a celebration for friends and family, if desired. If such things can't be celebrated then what is more important to be glad about or celebrate? Any excuse for a party is fine with me:D:twisted:  In my mind a small wedding is fine, and it's not expensive. Well, it's expensive as you want it to be!

 

Marriage has social, legal and financial benefits  -  hospital next of kin, pension, inheritance, custody of children, government schemes, laws and tax breaks etc. It can also increase the chances of getting a mortgage or loans (shared income and liability). Lots of stuff that maybe don't matter too much in your twenties etc but for some people it gets more important to ensure as time goes on if they're in a relationship(s).

 

Divorces aren't difficult or very expensive either in many cases. So it's not a life sentence or something.

 

 

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Romantic ace.  Weddings are wonderful; they're like Broadway musicals.  Marriage for me was an emotional prison.  

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