Alright! Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 I'm new, so correct me if I'm wrong, I've recently discovered one of my friends considers herself asexual, but constantly always talks about doing very sexual things with guys(is she really asexual?) And another thing she's done is talk about how much she "loves" girls, but would never have sex with one or be in a relationship, it seems she just wants a girl bff. She fetishsizes lesbian relationships like a lot of straight men do. I'm bisexual, so hearing her talk to disgusting about women really bothers me, because I actually love women, but her "love" for women is because It's "trendy/cool" to be part of the lgbtqa. Sorry if I sound ignorant... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Actually I get it, a lot of women pretend to be queer, genderqueer to gain attention. I Already saw a cis chic on you tube pretending to be a Trans woman to get attention. These kind of people give real queer people a bad reputation. Like people assume we are only living a "phase" or trying to get attention. Queer fetishization is not "cool", a lot of straight cis guys find Transgender lesbians "cool" when they're fapping, but when they see one irl they treat them like trash. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 I don't think it's cool for a woman to call herself an asexual lesbian unless she is in fact a homoromantic asexual woman. Either a person is asexual or they are not. Asexuals don't want sex with anyone ever. A person can't be asexual toward only a certain gender or only toward certain people. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 It sounds like she is going through some kind of ennui, and wants to misuse words that have deep and relevant meaning to others to describe herself. It's not a kind gesture for her to do this. She may think it makes her magically more like actual aces or actual lesbians, but it doesn't. If you feel comfortable confronting her, tell her why you object to it. She needs to learn somehow, and it doesn't seem like she's grasping it on her own. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alright! Posted March 28, 2017 Author Share Posted March 28, 2017 More on this friend: One day me and this friend of mine we're hanging out, and she usually always talks about how beautiful women are, so I was skeptical, and went ahead and asked her is she was into girls, and she got so defensive, she immediately said no, she says she likes dudes but said she just stopped having sexual desires and said she was just worrying about herself, and when I brought up asexuality, she just jump on board not really doing her own research on it. Another time we were talking about this celebrity and I was saying I think he's gay, and the second I said that she got all upset at me saying "Why are you assuming things?!" "Why does everything have to be gay?!" "You're forcing a sexuality on someone, that's bad!?". (Btw this friend is unaware of my sexuality) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MoraDollie Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 How old are they? What kind of environment did they grow up in? Did they grow up super influenced by religious stuff? I ask these questions because I had a friend in high school who said something like "I'm straight but I like bewbs :D" so I basically came to the conclusion that she was heterosexual biromantic. For your friend: it's possible she has no idea what she's actually saying, in terms of sexuality. She might think she has the right definition,when she actually doesn't, and is going off of a false stereotype, or equates asexuality to cellibacy. Some people will purposes over-exaggerate things to hide their own insecurities, because they're just making flat out lies (so for your friend, they're over-exaggerating sex stuff just because they're insecure about something). It's possible they're still discovering themselves and just 'testing' the waters to see what they 'actually' like and whatnot. It's very common for people throughout their lives to 'test' the waters with sexual orientation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 May I ask how old you and your friend are? It sounds like she's going through a period of confusion and frustration that is very common for people in their teens and even early 20s. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alright! Posted March 28, 2017 Author Share Posted March 28, 2017 I'm 18, she's 19 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Hmm. Well, another possibility is that your friend could be in the denial stage of coming out as the regular kind of lesbian who actually wants sex with women. Closeted gay people have been known to exaggerate their alleged heterosexuality in an awkward manner. Now that more young people have heard of asexuality, that may be a way to make their feelings for their own sex seem a little more innocent or acceptable. Heaven knows the LGBT movement has put a lot of effort to shift public perception from a focus on "deviant" sex acts to a focus on loving relationships. Your friend may just be really confused right now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alright! Posted March 28, 2017 Author Share Posted March 28, 2017 Thanks for all the advice/info everyone it really helps:) Ever since her "homophobic" comments, i do feel quite uncomfortable telling her im bi, I've told her she was homophobic, but she seems to never justify/defend herself, she just ignored I called her that. She says she supports the lgbtqa community, but idk. I'm not saying she's not asexual or lesbian or anything, but as far her sexual desires it's for men, and she only likes women aesthetically. I've tried to talk to her, but when the topic of being with a women, she said she could never imagine herself being with a women in any way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 And this is the kind of situation that makes the 'never question, just always accept even when it doesn't make sense' mentality fall down. She's confused, or trying to get attention, or having a very awkward 'coming to terms with myself' point in her life. If you can do it calmly and without hurting yourself, you might want to question her on why she considers herself an 'asexual lesbian', and point out these discrepancies to her in a non-confrontational way. Maybe you can work her around to some self realization. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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