Misanthropy driven asexuality.

[Diogenes Fox]

Hello,

 

So, I have a bit of a conundrum I am trying to sort out. I am 40, in relatively good health, and until about a year ago was a VERY sexual person. I have had numerous partners of all genders and shapes, and the vast majority have been pleasant experiences, which I have enjoyed and found satisfaction in. I have always been something of a misanthrope, finding most people to be intellectually unappealing, yet that has never impacted my libido, nor my willingness to jump between the sheets given half the chance. Over the last few years I feel as if as my intellectual musings and tendencies have lead me to become more and more misanthropic, and as those sentiments have grown, so too has my lack of interest in sexual contact. It has come to the point where I hardly get any satisfaction from sex, and often find my lack of sexual attraction preventing me from performing to the best of my abilities. I still masturbate, often to pornography, but find actual sex with anyone to be less and less appealing. I recently married a very sexual person, and we are in an open marriage in part due to circumstance, (We live apart, and I will soon be leaving the country.) but also because I am well aware that given my current attitude I cannot provide the sexual gratification he desires. I suppose I'm wondering if anyone else out there has experienced this situation. Has anyone else out there become so disgusted intellectually with the species as a whole they have completely lost interest in sex? Any advice on embracing, or overcoming this sentiment? I'm interested in hearing others opinions, and am rather difficult to offend, so lay it on me folks. Cheers!

[Puck]

I have always been ace so I cannot fully sympathize with your situation but I can certainly empathize.

 

As we age we all grow and learn more about ourselves and fine our interests change. I am always rather into experimenting with the self and embracing new feelings, so I would think that would benefit you. If you aren't interested in sex any more, there is no reason to pursue it. There are plenty of asexual folks who don't have sex and are in open relationships. It's not for everyone, but as long as you and your partner are both happy and feel fulfilled then I can't see a reason to change.

 

You also clearly have many other focuses what with leaving the country. There's no reason to get held up by sex if these other interests are keeping you feeling happy and healthy.

 

If later you feel you are missing sex (or if you are already there) it might be wise to seek therapy to learn what has made you feel so misanthropic. Perhaps exploring yourself and your perspective can pull you out of this funk and put you back into the place you once were.

 

Good luck on your journey!

[Diogenes Fox]

On 4/1/2017 at 0:05 AM, Puck said:

I have always been ace so I cannot fully sympathize with your situation but I can certainly empathize.

 

As we age we all grow and learn more about ourselves and fine our interests change. I am always rather into experimenting with the self and embracing new feelings, so I would think that would benefit you. If you aren't interested in sex any more, there is no reason to pursue it. There are plenty of asexual folks who don't have sex and are in open relationships. It's not for everyone, but as long as you and your partner are both happy and feel fulfilled then I can't see a reason to change.

 

You also clearly have many other focuses what with leaving the country. There's no reason to get held up by sex if these other interests are keeping you feeling happy and healthy.

 

If later you feel you are missing sex (or if you are already there) it might be wise to seek therapy to learn what has made you feel so misanthropic. Perhaps exploring yourself and your perspective can pull you out of this funk and put you back into the place you once were.

 

Good luck on your journey!

Thank you for your response. Rereading my previous post two things I failed to explain occurred to me. Firstly, be it through an inflated ego, mental illness, or a justified disgust of human failing and/or hypocrisy, I am quite comfortable in my sense of misanthropy and having experienced the underwhelming talents of numerous "mental health professionals" have no interest in seeking outside intervention concerning my views of humanity. Secondly I am primarily interested in hearing from others who have overcome, or simply accepted the physical aspect of this situation. I understand and appreciate your concern for my mental well being, but please understand it was more a failure of communication on my part, than cause for alarm. Again, thanks for the reply though.

[Puck]

10 minutes ago, Diogenes Fox said:

I understand and appreciate your concern for my mental well being, but please understand it was more a failure of communication on my part, than cause for alarm. Again, thanks for the reply though.

As long as you feel happy and supported, that's all that matters No need to feel you failed to communicate, but I am glad to hear you feel content with your thoughts on the situation.

[Adam_Jensen]

Well I never had sex and I'm way younger but I do consider myself a misanthropist,which is a result based on the behavior of people I encountered in real life and on the web.Most people are full of arrogance,hate,anger,misery and their constant need to antagonise everyone disgusts me.It looks like reason,logic and common sense are a rare trait between humans nowdays.The way I see it,the older I get the more misanthopic I become.

[Diogenes Fox]

My only regret with regards to my misanthropy is that I failed to embrace it sooner. I spent longer than necessary believing there was something wrong with me that required correcting, and blaming myself for others inability to relate to me. A fact continually driven home by a society obsessed with conformity. Much like asexuality, misanthropy is misunderstood and so dismissed off handedly as being wrong, a phase, or something to be feared or cured. A side effect of what Bill Hicks called the "back slapping, isn't humanity neat BS." Anyway, I agree that misanthropy seems to be a one way street that once gone down leaves little opportunity for return. Much like seeing how the magician performs his tricks, realizing there's no mythological creatures or beings, or realizing the Santa at the mall is actually just the local sexual predator, it's impossible or perhaps simply inconceivable to go back to pretending. Like I said, not so much looking for a solution as wondering if I'm the only one who has been driven to asexuality out of disgust for their own species. I've found someone to alleviate the occasional loneliness that grips me, and am now just curious really how unique my situation is. Cheers to asexuals who have become misanthropes though!

[orangecat]

I think I am also have misanthropy view or some sort. I honestly disgusted people (but I LOVE ANIMALS). This world seems to me is pure utilitarianism and pragmatism. I always think about what is relationship , not just lovers but friends. Don't they all just want to use other people for companions? Just for different length in time. It seems a little extreme but this is what I am thinking exactly right now. Looking at the rich and the poor, I am even more misanthropy. We all born the same way, living in the same world, why would there a glass wall divide between human? The heir of the riches they already own 99% of the world even before they are born. Don't modern economy fundamentally just slavery in a shell called freedom? My children are destined to work for the heir of the riches. Sounds me being jealous/envy right? If there are science evidences show me that certain people deserve more than other I would totally accepted. People own many resource just because they born in the right country/right family...Disgusting. I understand why you would think like this although you might not thinking the same. 

 

Tough my ace is not driven by the environment purely because...I was born to it.

[Guest]

Just find someone your respect and only have sex with them? ... I dislike most (er, almost all?) people but there's no way I'd have sex with any of them anyway so it doesn't matter that they're mostly deplorable and that I actively avoid society like the plague. Me avoiding sex with people I don't like doesn't make me asexual.. I'm just someone who would never have sex/could never desire sex, with the vast majority of the population of earth (I did actually think I was asexual for years due to my total lack of interest in, or desire for, partnered sex)

 

I love and respect my partner however, and I know he is a kind, intelligent, loving human being who I can actually engage in interesting conversation with. Therefore, I can actively enjoy some forms of sexual intimacy with my partner to the extent I may choose to have that intimacy with him on occasion, as a result of the respect and love I have for him. The rest of the world can suck it though.