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Coming Out


malickathetato

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Nea Rose Symphony

Just do it. Prepare for all sorts of possible reactions you may have but don't memorize everything to a script. Let it be natural. Maybe bring up who the person likes then when it's your turn say "It's complicated on my end...." then follow up with your coming out as an example of that. And there likely will be questions to be answered since it is not very well known outside of online. Lastly, no matter the person's reaction, you are who you are and there's no changing that fact. There you go!

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My suggestion would be to have some information on asexuality on hand, such as a few good news stories on the topic. I'd also recommend Julie Sondra Decker's book The Invisible Orientation as a solid introduction (she's the speaker in the "How to Come Out as Asexual" video linked above). That way, you can demonstrate to people that asexuality is a recognized orientation, and head off the series of perplexed questions which people might otherwise be inclined to ask.

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1) Only do so if it's safe. Sometimes rifts between friends can be created by coming out; them not believing you and possible taunting. You can test the water by informing them of "this thing called asexuality".

 

2) Your friends, especially parents, don't need to know about your sex life though; only a potential partner actually needs to know about your orientation.

 

3) Keep it short and simple; "I'm asexual; I don't desire sex with anyone, and I am/am not ok with sexually compromising" / "Have you heard of asexuality? Where people don't desire sex but can still desire a romantic relationship" (the latter point is important to clarify since it's a common misconception and most aces are romantic).

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Divide By Zero

My advice is to pick a time and place that's quiet and private when everyone has time for a potentially long conversation. I would also suggest being prepared to answer lots of questions.

 

A little bit about how I came out - Around the time I was 20 I knew for certain I was asexual (I had been wondering for a few years). I knew I couldn't live the rest of my life in the closet and at the very least I had to tell my parents, my brother, and my closest friends. I was very worried and nervous about coming out because I didn't how people were going to react but I knew I had to do it. I spent months worrying about coming out. I was living on my own in a different city and one day I finally decided that I was going to start by telling my parents the next time they came for a visit. Shortly after my 22nd birthday my parents came for a visit for the weekend. I knew a couple weeks in advance they were coming and those couple of weeks of waiting were nerve wracking. On that weekend my parents arrived in the morning on Saturday. Shortly afterwards we sat down in the living room. I told my parents that I had something very important I wanted to tell them and talk about. After a brief pause I told them I was asexual. There was a rather long pause and then my parents told me they were not surprised, which was not the reaction I was expecting (although in hindsight maybe I should have know that they suspected I was asexual because I had never had a girlfriend and had never even gone on a date). My parents had some questions and we talked for a long time about all sorts of things (I don't really remember what). They were very accepting and didn't have an issue with my asexuality. So it all worked out okay and it was an incredible relief to tell my parents and be out. In the weeks after that I came out to my brother and my closest friends and they were also very accepting.

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