barbara Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Hi, I don't know where to ask this question to be honest but I found this forum and I hope someone could help me with. I am in lesbian relationship (7+ years) we had sex time to time, but I never felt desire and I don't find her attractive at all - no sexual feelings. I found some girls very attractive and feel desire towards them, and had that with my previous partners, which were for short term, but not for her. I found her to be very much emotionally what I need and she's amazing person and I love her. But I even found her unattractive, she's overweight, not take care of herself, she has very low self esteem. Even when she could take care of herself - I don't see anything in particular which get my attention. Is this "partnership" have a future? Or I eventually leave her because someone attractive comes along and I will make her unhappy? I don't know what to do or even what to tell her... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
187 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 7 minutes ago, barbara said: Hi, I don't know where to ask this question to be honest but I found this forum and I hope someone could help me with. I am in lesbian relationship (7+ years) we had sex time to time, but I never felt desire and I don't find her attractive at all - no sexual feelings. I found some girls very attractive and feel desire towards them, and had that with my previous partners, which were for short term, but not for her. I found her to be very much emotionally what I need and she's amazing person and I love her. But I even found her unattractive, she's overweight, not take care of herself, she has very low self esteem. Even when she could take care of herself - I don't see anything in particular which get my attention. Is this "partnership" have a future? Or I eventually leave her because someone attractive comes along and I will make her unhappy? I don't know what to do or even what to tell her... Honestly I think you need to sit down with yourself and think about this. It doesn't sound like love to me, don't get me wrong I'm certainly not judging you, just talking from my own experience. When you love somebody you love the soul and the body. Maybe you should talk to her about this, tell her that you are lacking sexual attraction because this isn't asexuality and you are not asexual if you have sexual attraction towards other people. I really hope you get to the bottom of this, all the luck! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Figure out if you want to date someone you don't find attractive and can be happy with it, or not. If you can't, I would just say it's not working out and move on. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SamwiseLovesLife Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Asexuals lack sexual attraction to anyone. Maybe you are greyasexual but as you named quite a few people you have attraction for I think that is unlikely. In my opinion it sounds like you are a lesbian/bi/pan who is simply not sexually attracted to your partner. This is perfectly fine, and if your partner is willing to stick with a relationship that involves little/no sex then that's great. Good luck x Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gaogao Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Hmmm... I'm also in a lesbian relationship with a girl I am not attracted to - but I don't feel attraction to anybody. Sometimes I wonder if I'm depriving my gf of something but she says she's happy because she knows I love her in my own way. She says sometimes that she's glad it's not something important for me, but I sometimes wonder if she would benefit from being with someone who CAN feel she's attractive - she has fairly low self-esteem too and I think there are definitely people out there who would think she's attractive. I can list the ways I think she would be attractive to someone else and tell her these things, so in a way, I don't think she's unattractive at all, I just am not attracted to her myself since I just think everyone on earth is a bit of a gross flesh blob when it comes down to it In that sense, I think staying in a relationship where you aren't attracted to your partner is totally fine if you're both happy with it, because imo attraction isn't everything in a relationship especially if that person is what you need emotionally. At the same time though I wonder what makes you say that your girlfriend is unattractive and doesn't take care of herself. Being overweight doesn't mean someone can't be attractive and health and conventional attractiveness don't always go hand in hand. If she isn't taking care of herself in terms of her health / mental health that's certainly a problem, but it's kind of separate from "attractiveness" imo. In the end, the above posters are right... even if people can be happy in a relationship with no sex and no sexual attraction, you need to ask yourself - Are you ok with being in a relationship with someone you're not attracted to? Is your girlfriend ok with you not being attracted to her? If the answer to either of these questions is no... it might be pretty hard to get it to work out... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.