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What type of asexual am i?


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I know I'm asexual but not sure what type and would like to know. 

 

So i met this guy last year and i'd never in my life been attracted to a real person, ever. Only characters in tv shows and books. Masturbating is normal for me, sexually fantasize about both women and men so i'm also bisexual. Anyway this guy i ended up losing my virginity to last year, i thought he was my soul mate and fell in love with him for the first time ever which i thought would never happen. I know there are certain asexuals that can still enjoy sex but it is also very rare to fall in love. I read that on average for the ones that can, it usually happens roughly every 7 years in comparison to non aces who fall in love with one person like a week or something lol.

 

I'd never had a crush in primary or highschool and couldn't understand why everyone else did...

 

Please help me out, thanks !

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NerotheReaper

Welcome to AVEN!

 

Sounds like you might be demisexual or grey, but that is what I think based on the information you gave here. 

 

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There are no "types of asexual", just like there are no "types of gay", etc. You either are or you aren't that orientation, that's it. Asexuality is one thing; not desiring sex with anyone. If someone's bisexual they're NOT asexual. But who's in erotica doesn't reflect your own orientation; who you want to have sex with-- unless you're saying you want to have sex with those men and women. Yah, some asexuals can enjoy sex (desire is separate from enjoyment, as well as concenting to sexually compromise), but where'd you get it's rare for aces to fall in love??? No, that's not the case.

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Not having romantic attraction towards someone is called being aromantic and is completely separate from being asexual! Aces can fall in love and have multiple crushes in short succession. I'm demi-romantic which means I need a strong emotional bond and it takes an a very long time for me to form romantic attraction but that still means that I feel it! Grey romantic is when romantic attraction happens rarely or under specific circumstances. There is no reason you can't fall in love if you're ace 

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Anthracite_Impreza

What you've read is completely incorrect. Asexuals do not ever seek out sex as they have no desire for it, and the stuff about falling in love at different rates... where did you read that? Romantic tendencies are completely separate from sexual orientation, how often someone falls in love is down to that individual's personality.

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SamwiseLovesLife
39 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

What you've read is completely incorrect. Asexuals do not ever seek out sex as they have no desire for it, and the stuff about falling in love at different rates... where did you read that? Romantic tendencies are completely separate from sexual orientation, how often someone falls in love is down to that individual's personality.

I agree with this for the most part. I've read that some Asexuals will have sex within a relationship to please their partners (ect) and some Asexuals feel indifferently about sex/others are sex-repulsed. If you enjoy having sex with your boyfriend but have no desire to do so then you are possibly greysexual or demisexual. Maybe you are Asexual, though it would be uncommen for you to enjoy sex so much if you are.
Romantic attraction is seperate. Some Aces are Aromantic in which case they will likely NEVER fall in love. Some are romantic- I am homoromantic so I have romantic inclinations towards some women. I've never been in love personally but it is no less possible for me than any other person who experiences romantic attraction.

Hope this helps, don't worry too much about labels x

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I mean different type of asexuals like listed above, demi, grey or aromantic etc, sub category i guess. I've never been with a woman, but every now and then i'll find one aesthetically attractive but i've never wanted to be anything more than plutonic with one so far. As i mentioned i've never been (sexually attracted to a man or anyone ever) before this guy i've been seeing recently. Always wondering in High school why all the girls had multiple boyfriends throughout the years and kept asking who i liked etc, i never liked anyone and didn't know why. I only found out i was asexual when i started googling the things i felt and what i was going through when i was about 21, so 3 years ago. The definition totally fit me at the time because i still had never met anyone and didn't feel like i ever was going to. Got really tired of hearing people asking who i liked, if i had a boyfriend, if i was a virgin... "oh it's okay you'll find one soon" or "Let's go clubbing, you can hook up with someone there! ".. some people started thinking i was a lesbian. I just never had that feeling, i started to think maybe i was being picky or my standards were too high. So i think now that you've explained it a little, im going to go with demi or grey. I'll look into it a bit more just so when or if i do decide to tell everyone then i'll be able to explain what it means and hopefully they'll understand. Not that that matters, i'm happy with the way i am.

 

Thanks everyone! :)

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Also yeah that was kind of a ridiculous thing i read, i can't remember where... maybe in another forum or in an article about asexuality. Aces who can fall in love with someone usually roughly every 7 years. I got so depressed when i read it because i was going through a breakup with this guy and i totally believed it.. so i was like " I have to feel heart broken for the next 7 years?! :( " lol, I was/is so sad that i guess i believed it straight away. I hope i meet someone soon, but who knows. Maybe i never again. 

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10 hours ago, AmberLovesLife said:

If you enjoy having sex with your boyfriend but have no desire to do so then you are possibly greysexual or demisexual. Maybe you are Asexual, though it would be uncommen for you to enjoy sex so much if you are.

Again, no. Enjoying sex is not an indicator of Gray-sexuality nor Demisexuality. While yes, as far as we know enjoying sex is not common for asexuals, but doing so does not make them otherwise; they still don't desire sex and thus are still clearly asexual. Desire and enjoyment are typically together, but they are two separate things. Everyone's had a food that tasted fine, but for whatever reason, despite that positive it's still not your cup of tea. That is enjoyment without desire. Asexuals can experience sexual or emotional pleasure from sex, just like sexuals, but what separates them is not desiring it (same for any other orientation).

 

@blbm (sorry about this being long, but it's not babble)

Demi, Gray, and aromantic are NOT asexual, nor sub catagories. Again, asexual is the only asexual; not desiring sex with anyone; that's it. Sexual orientation (who you desire sex with) and romantic orientation (who you feel romantically for/desire  a a relationship with) are two different things. Aesthetic attraction does not mean one's orientation does/will swing that way; aesthetic attraction is platonic; just appreciation of beauty and a pull to look at them. Platonic. Yah, it's commonly experienced with romantic or sexual attraction, but it is a separate thing.

 

Gray-asexual is when sexual people (people who desire sex) are effectively asexual (not by choice; e.g. mentally desire sex but not IRL, or don't identify with their own desires, etc.). Gray-sexual (which demisexual is under) is when sexual people very rarely sexually desire anyone or only desire it under unusual cercomstances (or more simply, desiring sex at an unusual point in time; e.g. after an unusual amount of time, only when a fetish is present, etc.)

 

If you don't know you're something then you shouldn't identify as it. Much for the same reason as people insisting a bi-curious person not identify as bisexual, identifying as specifically demisexual can be harmful to the people involved because you both can be waiting for a day that will never come. Demisexuality is not about concenting to sex after a time/bond, it is yearning for sex after that fact. If someone was picky or had high standards they'd still have crushes, just less frequently act on them/seek a relationship. You seem to have only desired sex with one person, so it's still inconclusive on whether it was due to an amount of time or because it's just rare for you in general and not due to the aforementioned.

 

Also, sexual attraction is rare for women; that's predominantly a male thing (factually; according to many sexologist studies). Most women have responsive sexual desire; where they need sexual arousal or foreplay to trigger their desire for sex each time, though these women can rarely experience sexual attraction. Only a minority of women have sexual attraction as their primary experience. Women who say they experience sexual attraction all the time are either apart of the minority, or what's most likely, are using a term they don't know the meaning of because it's not like anyone's ever defined it to them, so they're left up to making up the meaning themselves.

 

And it would probably be difficult to explain to them the difference; as it's hard to explain things to someone who's never experienced it. Just like "What do you mean being willing to be in a relationship (i.e. ok with concenting to it) isn't romantic attraction? Especially since I'm only ok with it with select people". Well, truth is, it isn't; whether they're ok with select people or not. Romantic attraction is an emotion, and even a desire, not just willingness/ability to concent. The difference can be explained, but they may not get it, especially with them having this long time misconception. Why is this a common misconception though? Because people assumed male and female sexuality were the same, but relatively recently we now know they aren't. Sexuality is also still an under studied field.

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Seems as though i have offended you? guess I'm a rare breed, maybe i'm demisexual ... Yeah bisexual too, just as any one who's straight/gay/bi would know, just because i haven't been with a female doesn't mean that i have no idea if i like them or not, i'm not bi-curious. I did fall in love with this man, i have been wondering lately if it was the sex that i enjoyed or just being close with him and feeling like he cared. It's all really new to me. 

 

I found this on a thread on AVEN;

 

There are also other orientations, and forms of attraction, that fall into the category of Asexuality.

 

  • Demisexuality - A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction until they form a strong emotional connection with someone, often (but not always) in a romantic relationship.
  • Gray-Asexuality - Do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes/experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive/experience/sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them/people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances/people who experience some parts of sexuality but not others 
    (And some other orientations and labels that, by their own definition, are not Asexuality by themselves, but can often be experienced by an Asexual person, and vice versa)

Maybe you're right about the desire/attraction thing, maybe not. I definitely class myself as someone who is ace, maybe it's none of the above that have been mentioned, but im 100% certain that im some sort of asexual. 

 

 

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I wasn't really offended, I just had to repeat myself a bit and what you were saying about yourself/things didn't add up so I had to correctly inform you of things. But now I'm getting annoyed because you're not listening. So again, since you stated otherwise again, if someone desires sex they are NOT ace, they are sexual. Again, if someone is bisexual they are N-O-T ace. There is no type of asexual, asexuality is only one thing; not desiring sex. Gray-sexual and demisexual are SEXUAL people, NOT asexual. And how are you not bi-curious if you've never sexually or romantically desired the same gender?? The first sentence of what you quoted in purple is WRONG. Just because you find something on the internet (including here) doesn't mean it's correct. Unfortunately there are alot of misconceptions/misinformation. But I can bring you experienced sexual people on here and they're gunna tell you the same thing I have.

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"The category of asexuality" does not mean that asexual is the umbrella term....

 

Adding to clarify: they probably mean that people who are demi/gray experience periods of where they feel asexual, that does not make them asexual or subcategories of asexual. Those labels (gray/demi) are something that is usually mentioned along with asexuality since it's not uncommon that those people first think they're asexual.

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SamwiseLovesLife
12 hours ago, Star Bit said:

Again, no. Enjoying sex is not an indicator of Gray-sexuality nor Demisexuality. While yes, as far as we know enjoying sex is not common for asexuals, but doing so does not make them otherwise; they still don't desire sex and thus are still clearly asexual. Desire and enjoyment are typically together, but they are two separate things. Everyone's had a food that tasted fine, but for whatever reason, despite that positive it's still not your cup of tea. That is enjoyment without desire. Asexuals can experience sexual or emotional pleasure from sex, just like sexuals, but what separates them is not desiring it (same for any other orientation).

@blbm

 

This is a good point, I was honestly only speaking from my experience

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