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How to find a queerplatonic partner?


jenjenna

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How is it even possible? I'm strating to lose hope here...

 

I have never met anyone who even understands what queerplatonic is. Everybody wants either sexual or at least romantic relationship. I'd don't mind romanticism in small amounts, but what I really crave is a relationship that's more like a deep friendship (with maybe some occasional kisses, cuddles etc.) It's so hard to find!! I'm ready to be in a long-distance relationship if that's what it takes, even with someone who lives on the other side of the globe, as long as I feel like there's finally someone who wants the same things from a relationship and understands me.

 

You guys who are / have been in queerplatonic relationships - how did you find them? Were you clear from the start that you want queerplatonic or did it just happen?

 

I haven't had any luck on (free) asexual dating sites either. Now I'm starting to consider the sites that you have to pay for, are they any good / better....?

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I dunno. I guess I'm sort of in a QPR now, but I just sort of ended up in it. I have no idea how one would find a partner, but I wish you luck.

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One of my closest friends asked me out (on a romantic basis, knowing that I'm ace). I told her about QPR's and she was happy about that (I think it was almost indistinguishable from a romantic relationship to her anyway).

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By kisses you mean chaste kisses?

 

Average people (specifically youth) know what QPRs are, they just coloqually go by a different term; bromance (two men). Other gendered variations being sismance (two women, which has other word variations) and heteromance (a man and woman; though not a widely practiced word).

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13 minutes ago, Star Bit said:

By kisses you mean chaste kisses?

 

Average people (specifically youth) know what QPRs are, they just coloqually go by a different term; bromance (two men). Other gendered variations being sismance (two women, which has other word variations) and heteromance (a man and woman; though not a widely practiced word).

Definitely chaste kisses. I have no need for someone's tongue in my mouth :lol:

 

 

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SamwiseLovesLife
10 hours ago, jenjenna said:

Definitely chaste kisses. I have no need for someone's tongue in my mouth :lol:

 

 

This is so freaking true.

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I think it often just happens, or at least that's they way it happened for me. Became friends with someone, and became very close, to the point others have often thought we're actually dating and we ourselves joke about "our wedding." But we never sat down to talk about it or anything; it was just natural.

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(you don't have to use tongue  to make out)

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banana monkey

I feel you. I'm kinda the same. Though that causes me trouble. I agree with those above who say it tends to just develop. I think this is the best route to take. If only, I could have explain QPP to my ex early in our relationship, we may still be together (or at least we would have had more chance of sorting things and staying together longer). Now I am in the situation, where I have very few male friends, and they are more towards the aquaintance end of the spectrum so not really anything that would develop that way. I find it difficult to make friends, I can sometimes get it with females but think i have almost no chance (like 1%) when it comes to male friendships so I kinda feel there is no hope. 

 

I found a website for platonic partners on here, but it wasnt that active or what I was looking for so I left it. 

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12 hours ago, Star Bit said:

(you don't have to use tongue  to make out)

I don't know anything about making out, obviously :lol:

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UnicornQueen
11 hours ago, banana monkey said:

If only, I could have explain QPP to my ex early in our relationship, we may still be together (or at least we would have had more chance of sorting things and staying together longer).

Same here, if only I knew that something like QPR exists maybe I'd still be friends with my ex-best friend.

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Hmm, it seems finding QPR is not easy and often just happens, if it happens. I guess I'm willing to compromise and have a romantic relationship, even though I very rarely experience romantic attraction. But I'll keep the prospect of QPR in my mind too and stay optimistic :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Elftober Country

jenjenna,

 

I feel like I'm in the same boat as you, I don't hold out much hope of meeting anyone!

 

One of the reasons I signed up to AVEN was just to be able to contact people like me, even if they are a zillion miles away :blush:

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I'm basically in one with my ex. We broke up two years ago because of my asexuality  (she doesn't want to be celibate the rest of her life). But she hasn't dated at all in that time so we're pretty much a 'platonic couple'. 

 

The problem is that I know this won't go on forever as she allegedly does want to date - though she's not making much effort so far. I would like to have a committed QPR but I have no idea how I'd go about finding one!  

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jenjenna, I feel your pain.  I don't want to go through life alone but I refuse to enter into another sexual relationship because I always end up feeling used.  After acknowledging that a relationship isn't fair to them or me (for the well-being of my sanity and my soul) I just cannot be partners with someone who desires sex from me .  I'm also scared (I don't trust easily) because I have a small (ish) child who is beautiful and charming, what if the person wanted to get close to me just to get close to my child, the thought is paralyzingly terrifying.

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I've always only desired deep friendships - no romance, no sex, and have recently realised I'm platoniromantic. In the past this has got me into trouble as I've ended up trying to compromise my asexuality and aromanticism by attempting to have sex and going along with romance even though both feel really uncomfortable. My inability to deal with my lack of comfort has always brought relationships to an end. Luckily the last person I was in a relationship with is still a good friend on a platonic level although I wouldn't call it QPR as he wouldn't want a 'special' relationship without sex or romance. I've come to accept this is probably as good as it gets!

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As others have said above, I think that queerplatonic relationships develop from friendships the same way that some romantic/sexual relationships do. My advice to you would be to let people know that it exists and that you're asexual, as it could open doors more easily than just letting things happen by chance.

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Sunflowerfield

I ended up in a queerplatonic relationship by finding a platonic cuddle buddy through Reddit (well, she found me after I posted an ad!). Funnily enough, we are both allosexual and alloromantic. We both experience attraction, but for a number of reasons we are incompatible for a romantic/sexual relationship - so we felt that our relationship is best described as platonic partners or a queerplatonic relationship. I know there are also groups on Facebook for people who are looking for a long-term QP life partner.

I've come across others in queerplatonic partnerships who once had a romantic/sexual relationship, but decided to shift into a platonic relationship over time for various reasons - sometimes due to religious/spiritual beliefs.

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  • 5 months later...
SamwiseLovesLife
On 27/03/2017 at 8:03 PM, Allegra said:

I think it often just happens, or at least that's they way it happened for me. Became friends with someone, and became very close, to the point others have often thought we're actually dating and we ourselves joke about "our wedding." But we never sat down to talk about it or anything; it was just natural.

Goals

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On 3/27/2017 at 2:15 AM, jenjenna said:

Definitely chaste kisses. I have no need for someone's tongue in my mouth :lol:

I forgot that was a thing.

 

Also, not there, but I think mentioning your relationship preferences is a way to open up the possibility. It has set people around me to discussing theirs, and to realizing I'm not wholly unavailable.

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afterbirth_tycoon

I've been in a strong QPR for about 11 years, and i hate to sound really cheesy but we knew almost immediately that we had something very special. We even openly talked about how confusing it was because in every way it seemed like, by definition, that kind of spark had to be a romantic one but neither of us felt that it fit. We were unaware of what it meant at first but grew into acknowledging it as a QPR and planning on managing our lives with it...which has come with some issues.

 

Just from my personal experience, I'm going to say that maintaining a relationship with someone who is romantic and has always pursued traditional romantic relationships (like having you AND a significant other) can be very difficult in the long run and cause a lot of problems. If they are romantic I would advise not getting to the point in your relationship where you live together or are financially dependent on one another in any way. Once they decide to settle in with an s/o or something it can have a pretty serious impact on both of your lives. Not that this kind of thing would make the relationship not worth it, I don't think that at all, but some unnecessary pain can be avoided by seeking out other aro/mostly aro people, especially if you're looking for some long term security. I don't wanna sound discouraging though! My QPR is one of the best things about my life.

 

Sorry if that was longwinded OTL

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Galactic Turtle

I don't think a QPR is something you really search for. It just kind of happens probably if your best friend has the same ideas about relationships as you do.

 

Like if my friend asked to be in an official QPR with me I'd agree. At the same time, I'm fine if that doesn't happen because we're still besties.

 

I know for many a QPR is more romantic in nature though so it could be different in those instances.

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