Call me Tessa

[TessaMe]

Hi, everyone.  I’ve lurked around this site for over a couple years now, and it’s really helped clarify a lot that I didn’t understand about myself.  I always thought I was abnormal and weird, growing up with the "I don't understand why sex is such a big deal" attitude.  For awhile after high school, I wrote it off as me just being too involved with my life's ambitions to "notice" anyone or worry about relationships and the like.  The number of crushes I've had can be counted on one hand, but I never felt sexually attracted to anyone (still don't understand what that means, though the coffee analogy in another thread helped a little).  To add to it, I'm pretty sure I'm at least demiromantic.  I've never been a touchy feely kind of person, kissing skeeves me out a little, even basic kissing between family, so I need to be 100% comfortable with someone before letting them into my personal bubble and even then it's far and few between.  I do want an "intimate" relationship with someone, but my idea of an intimate relationship does not match up to the norms of the sexual community (I don't need sex).  Expressing my concerns about finding the right guy usually draws out the usual responses, "you just haven't found the right one," or "give it time, you'll know when you find him," so I really haven't admitted to anyone that I'm asexual.  Heck, I'm still not 100% sure myself, as I lack the experience to fully say, but I'm fairly confident.  At the very least, I'm demi.  The only person I've told, other than a therapist, at this point is this one guy I started seeing.  I told him I was demiromantic figuring it would open the door and it did... he flat out asked if I felt sexual attraction at all, so I told him I didn't think so.  He seems like a very open person, but I know I can't expect him to be okay with it on a relationship level, so now I wait.  The whole thing is so surreal, like I've fallen down Wonderland's rabbit hole.  I'm fine with embracing my orientation as part of who I am, but dating is already exhausting without the added hitch.  It would be nice to talk with others who understand.  Any advice would be appreciated.  It seems like a nice community.  Happy to finally meet you all. 

[arekathevampyre]

Hi there . take all the time you need and you will realise lots of things . but know that you are not alone .

I like the Alice In Wonderland referrance

[kelico]

Welcome to AVEN! Thank you for sharing your story with us!! I'm glad you decided to de-lurk and join. : ) You'll find a lot of awesome people that can relate to you here...you're not alone!! I don't have any relationship experience, so I can't give you any advice, sadly! But we do have the Asexual Relationships part of the forum, which may be helpful. I wish you the best and hope you enjoy being a member!

 

[Lady Girl]

Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! This is a great place to make friends and get advice too! 

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here.  The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!