my story

[im-not-too-sure]

Hi! i just wanted to introduce myself and i figured the best way was to tell my story and questions

 

Okay here we go,

I'm a 15 year old  (turning 16 this June) male, Justin. I've never had sex or first kiss. I've never been very interested in dating either. I was just like "if I get a girlfriend somehow, that'd be cool, but I won't actually make it a mission or goal to get a girlfriend". Somehow though, I managed to start dating someone without trying that hard which really surprises me. Before I had this girlfriend, I always thought that I would start to be more interested in sex and kissing like everyone else when I started dating someone. However, we started dating and if anything I felt less interested in that stuff so I was trying to figure out what was 'wrong' with me. I already had a vague idea of what asexual was but I never even considered myself to be anything other than straight. So one night I'm thinking about when and how I should have my first kiss with this girl and I realise that I don't even want to kiss her, I just thought it was necessary so she wouldn't lose interest. But when I realised that, I immediately thought "asexuality!". So I started researching it and it was making more and more sense and explaining a lot of past experiences. So after a couple of weeks of researching, I felt very confident with the idea that I was asexual so i figured it was time to tell someone. I felt that my parents should be the first to know but I ended up telling my older brother first (he was very supportive despite not knowing much about asexuality). I always thought that my parents were very supportive about this kind of stuff (at worst they would just make a big deal about it). When I told and explained it to them, my dad was cool with it but my mom immediately started saying stuff like "you're too young to know", "maybe you're just a late bloomer", "you haven't found the one yet", bla bla bla. All those things were making me a little mad so i ended the conversation earlier than i probably should've. This was about 2 weeks ago and I haven't come out to anyone else since because what if she's right? What if i come out to a bunch of people and then change my mind in a few months?? Is there really any way to be sure? I keep having doubts and then i reassure myself and then the doubts come right back. uhh i dont know what to think!!!

 

Thanks to anyone who read and answers!!

[Guest]

.

[im-not-too-sure]

4 minutes ago, nataliemae said:

I have heard of instances where people have realized that they are asexual at really young ages. It's totally possible to know at a young age, or before attempting to have sex. That's not necessary, although my experience with an ex-boyfriend helped me to piece things together later when I came across a definition of asexuality. Also, I would be very careful with who you choose to come out to, if you choose to tell anyone. Some people have been bullied for coming out as asexual to the wrong people. Even if you're not bullied, a lot of people don't believe it's possible to be asexual or they might think there is something else that is wrong with you.

Thanks! If I do tell anyone else, it'll just be some of my closer friends but chances are that other people would find out. That wouldn't bother me though but only if I'm certain that I'm asexual.

 

[Guest]

.

[simplystella]

Hey there, I can't say I completely get what you are experiencing, however I definetly relate to the doubts you are feeling. In a way I think that it is ok if you do change your mind, I realised I was asexual months ago and only told anyone last week because I kept thinking 'no that's not possible, what if I'm actually just confused, maybe i'm not mature enough.' But then I sort of just accepted that this is who I am at this point in my life, and the Ace spectrum is something that has fit me for a while now. That may change later on and that could create an uncomfortable situation but if you feel that this term/spectrum fits you now then I don't think there is an issue with you labelling yourself as something that may alter in the future. The best you can hope for is that people will be understanding. I haven't told my parents yet because I am terrified that the reaction will be similar to what you described with your mum, who knows maybe I'm speaking out of place here trying to help someone else at such a young age  

 

 

[patronusmagic]

Hi, I can relate to most of what you are saying. I realised I was ace a little later then you (I was 21) but I think that you might actuallt have more ecsperiens then I do, (I have never been in a relationship and I dont feel like I have to, to know how I am.) I wish I would have figgured it out when I was your age, I dont think you are ever too young to know how you feel (at least at that point in time). I dont actuallty think that Im that different now then when I was 15.

 

I also thought that I was straight, kind of by default. and even after realising that Im ace I struggle with the same doubths as you:

Am I just a late bloomer? will I meet the one who changes things? or what if I change my mind? These things makes coming out difficult, so I can sympatise.

When I first realised I was ace I came out to my mom, and that whent about as well as it did for you. it added to my self-doubt as well.

 

For me personally, I have realised that time and dates are important in helping me come to terms with who I am, I know exactly on what day it will be a year since I realised I was ace and thuse far it has been 5 months. knowing these things helps me feel that it might not be just a wim, if it was i probably would have gotten over it by now. (I get bored with things quicklly)  

 

So I guess my advise to you Is to find the things that makes you feel comfortable in your identety and try to use them to fight or work through the doubt. You might not want to come out to anyone else untill you are comfortable with it. if you are comfortable it may make it easyer to do it in a good way.  

 

PS. I like your profile picture, Potterheads for the win  

[Tintinfan]

If you have supportive friends I suggest coming out to them- it makes much more easier. though in my case I don't think I have one straight friends so all of us have gone though the coming out to friends. It was my friend who suggested I might be an Asexaul. Also I found coming out to friends does decreace the number of sexuality explicite jokes.

I digress I suggest coming out to one close friend with will mean you will (hopefully) have support if you wish to come out to a bigger group of people.

Whatever happen try to be true to yourself.  

[mxlky.way]

Hii! I can definitely relate to your doubting (I'm 17 as a reference) and like you I really just want to be sure. Looking around here has really helped me be more sure in my identity, just by talking to other people and reading about people who share my experiences so I recommend you try that If you're looking for more certainty.

 

Yeah 'late bloomer' is a pretty common thing that teens like us will hear but if people can be sure if they are gay/bi/pan/trans or any other orientation at our age or younger why can't we? If you're almost 16 I'd say puberty is ending now so things may be settling down hormones wise so there is no reason why you can't be questioning or certain that you're asexual. (Gah I need someone to say this to me too lmao) 

 

Honestly if your label doesn't fit you anymore in a few months then thats okay! We have time to figure out what we feel and nothing is certain yet, I say explore here a little more, talk to some people (like me!) and use any label you like

[dragon_nerd]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

 

As a 17yr old I can understand how you're feeling, I only found out that I was asexual in December (2016) and occasionally I do have the occasional fear that something will change and make me sexual (ridiculous as it sounds). There is no way to tell the future but most peoples sexual orientation stays the same throughout their lives and if other people our age can tell if they're gay or trans or bi or whatever we should be able to tell that we're asexual.

 

@mxlky.way you are valid, whatever label you feel fits you is yours and you can be as certain or as questioning about it as you feel fits who you are

[arekathevampyre]

honestly , I feel that it will take a while , maybe months or even years especially for someone your age . And I am just a few years older than you . For me it took just about 6 months i think to truely realise I am aro ace agender and itimacy/sex repulsed . so  I suggest go slow and see how it goes . Hope that helps . 

[im-not-too-sure]

Oh my goodness thanks for all the replies!!

8 hours ago, mxlky.way said:

if people can be sure if they are gay/bi/pan/trans or any other orientation at our age or younger why can't we?

That's a really good point actually! I'll take all of this stuff into consideration and I'll take it nice and slow for now! I have been doing a lot of reading in the forums and it I'm starting to feel more and more like I'm definitely asexual.

[Lady Girl]

Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! Not everybody knows right away and that is okay...some gay and straight people know early, but others might have some time during which they question things. Working through it at your own pace is the key...you don't actually have to decide immediately. 

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here.  The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

[Alex_]

On 26/3/2017 at 9:31 AM, im-not-too-sure said:

 

[kelico]

Welcome to AVEN! Thank you for sharing your story with us! I'm glad you made your way here. : ) You can never be too young or too old to start to figure out your identity. You're pretty young still, but that doesn't mean you're too young. And if things change, then they do, but what matters most is how you feel right now. Take all the time you need in exploring and getting comfortable...there's no rush in coming out (no matter your age). You'll find a lot of great and supportive people that can relate to you here. I hope you enjoy being a member!