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Hello people, I would love some help


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Hey guys, 

 

This might be funny to a lot of you, or come off as seaking attention but if there is at least one person who will try to reply in sense of helping me it will be worth it. I'm 19 years old and I'm a female. I was sexauly active at some point in my life but basically now, I just can't stomach the thought about sex. I'm in a relationship with this amazing person but I feel no need towards kissing him or exploring his body in any way. I actually feel pretty uncomfortable whenever I have to have physical contanct with him, even if it's holding hand, but I really do like him! I'm so

confused and I was wondering was somebody trough this? That they had sex, didn't really mind it and suddenly lost all interest in anything remotly sexual OR romantic. Sorry for my english. 

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SithAzathoth WinterDragon

Hello and welcome to AVEN. I never been sexual in anyway so I'm afraid I can not help you here in this area. I'm in my late 20's as well. I never experienced sexual attraction or the desire to even have sex itself.  I'm sure you'll find the answers you're looking. You'll also find many who relate to you in this same area so do not feel alone, you'll also make many friends here. I hope you enjoy it here in AVEN.

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5 minutes ago, Shieldmaiden WinterDragon said:

Hello and welcome to AVEN. I never been sexual in anyway so I'm afraid I can not help you here in this area. I'm in my late 20's as well. I never experienced sexual attraction or the desire to even have sex itself.  I'm sure you'll find the answers you're looking. You'll also find many who relate to you in this same area so do not feel alone, you'll also make many friends here. I hope you enjoy it here in AVEN.

Thank you :)

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You were sexually active, but did you desire it (for its sexual or emotional pleasure; even if it was only after foreplay). If you did desire it, it's normal for sexual people to go through dry spells in desiring sex. Also, sometimes people's desires don't match up; maybe you just don't sexually desire this one guy. If you never desired sex but used to concent to it, that's a thing for asexuals too; they can get burned out on doing what they don't desire.

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DesiButters519x

Hello!

I wish I could help you out with this, but I have never been that close to anyone before, but I have been close enough to say that I too feel repulsed by touches and everything involving that. I am the kind of person that loves to feel someone’s mind and soul, may sound cheesy and crazy but it’s enough to make me happy and that’s how I loved the only man I ever loved. I was only 14 mind you, now I am 25, and while I haven’t seen this man in years, I still love him with all my heart, and it’s enough to make me happy. I feel blessed to have ever met him, and just so damn happy to at least know that he liked me and also enjoyed my company whenever we’d hang out. Could you tell us a bit more (if you want to ofc), like did you actually ever desire your boyfriend? Or did you just do it out of love for him? I really wish I could help you more but you are not alone in this my friend.

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7 hours ago, Desilu19x said:

Hello!

I wish I could help you out with this, but I have never been that close to anyone before, but I have been close enough to say that I too feel repulsed by touches and everything involving that. I am the kind of person that loves to feel someone’s mind and soul, may sound cheesy and crazy but it’s enough to make me happy and that’s how I loved the only man I ever loved. I was only 14 mind you, now I am 25, and while I haven’t seen this man in years, I still love him with all my heart, and it’s enough to make me happy. I feel blessed to have ever met him, and just so damn happy to at least know that he liked me and also enjoyed my company whenever we’d hang out. Could you tell us a bit more (if you want to ofc), like did you actually ever desire your boyfriend? Or did you just do it out of love for him? I really wish I could help you more but you are not alone in this my friend.

When I did have sex I didn't really enjoy it that much but I did it because I loved my boyfriend at that time. After him I didn't seek sexual activity at all. When it comes to my current boyfriend, I really do have a strong emotional pull towards him but whenever physical contact is in play I feel extremely uncomfortable and I don't like it one bit, it doesn't matter if its kissing, hugging or even holding hands. I just dont want to be touched at all. Someone mentioned 'dry spell', and I'm fairly sure it's not that. I never had a sexual pull towards my or the opposite gender. 

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LittleGoody2Shoes

I had plenty of sex and wish I hadn't. I understand the feeling of wanting to like sex or having more tolerance for it to be able to have a normal relationship. My relationship options are so limited because I don't want to have sex ever again.

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DesiButters519x
10 hours ago, 187 said:

When I did have sex I didn't really enjoy it that much but I did it because I loved my boyfriend at that time. After him I didn't seek sexual activity at all. When it comes to my current boyfriend, I really do have a strong emotional pull towards him but whenever physical contact is in play I feel extremely uncomfortable and I don't like it one bit, it doesn't matter if its kissing, hugging or even holding hands. I just dont want to be touched at all. Someone mentioned 'dry spell', and I'm fairly sure it's not that. I never had a sexual pull towards my or the opposite gender. 

After what I recently experienced, I think it’s best to be honest from the very beginning. So with your current boyfriend, I think you should have a heart to heart talk with him about this. You don’t want him thinking negative, and you yourself have to see if he will understand. If he truly loves you, I believe he will try to go with it as much as he can with you, WITHOUT trying to change you. This isn’t an easy topic, especially between a couple. It works with some and it doesn’t with others. Also, I think you shouldn’t be forcing yourself to do something you don’t like. I did, and I ended up hating myself for it because it was as if I was cheating on myself. It wasn’t something VERY intimate like you, but forcing myself to do something just to get someone to stay or just to fit in is all the wrong reasons. It isn’t fair to you or the second person. I would want someone by my side who would understand my feelings towards these things, and sadly I have not. I hope you do because we all deserve to have someone who will love and respect us for who we are.

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19 hours ago, 187 said:

When I did have sex I didn't really enjoy it that much but I did it because I loved my boyfriend at that time. After him I didn't seek sexual activity at all. When it comes to my current boyfriend, I really do have a strong emotional pull towards him but whenever physical contact is in play I feel extremely uncomfortable and I don't like it one bit, it doesn't matter if its kissing, hugging or even holding hands. I just dont want to be touched at all. Someone mentioned 'dry spell', and I'm fairly sure it's not that. I never had a sexual pull towards my or the opposite gender. 

So you never desired sex but used to sexually compromise? Sounds asexual to me. Maybe you're uncomfortable with physical contact from your current partner either because you don't trust him enough or feel such activity is too sexually charged and thus feel strong unreciprocation. And I agree you need to tell your partner about your sexuality/physical affection preferences. Communication is what makes good relationships, and if you can't do that then they're obviously not compatible with you. In which case, you just have to move on to the next of many fish in the sea, and never forget that there are fish in the sea. Most sexual people aren't compatible with asexuals, so you'd probably be better off dating fellow asexuals. There are asexual dating sites, asexual meetups scheduled on and off of AVEN, and a minority of sexual people are ok with a sexless relationship.

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SamwiseLovesLife
On 26/03/2017 at 4:22 AM, 187 said:

That they had sex, didn't really mind it and suddenly lost all interest in anything remotly sexual OR romantic. Sorry for my english. 

When I had sexual experiences I felt uncomfortable and slightly nausious. When I had 'successful' sex, I threw up (not in front of my poor male friend who had tried his best). I think though It's perfectly normal for some Asexuals to not mind sex, just not actively want it or desire someone sexually.

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