zel Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Hey all ! I'm new here and have a bunch of questions still. I think instead of making a large post about many different things I'd just like to talk about one thing at a time. Please let me know if I should do this differently or in another forum section! So my first issue might be pretty basic, I dunno. Have you guis who identify as aromantic had friends develop feelings for you that you didn't know how to (or did not want to) respond to (in a way that it ultimately harms or even ends a good friendship)? .__. Cheerios! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blueberry Pie Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 During late middle school I was feeling really lonely and developed a squish on this boy I sat with at lunch. We began to do a lot things together, like going to each other's houses to play video games and chess. Then one day while I was at his house and watching him play one of the Fallout games, he asked me to be his romantic partner. I was absolutely shocked. Looking back, I can see that he dropped a lot of hints showing his romantic attraction to me (all of which I was oblivious to at the time). For example, he held doors open for me constantly (and was awkward when I opened them for him), wanted to go to the movies with me (which I thought would be fun, not romantic), and bought ice cream for me or something. Soon after he confessed my feelings for me, I told him I was not interested and hoped that we could continue to be friends. Well, after this I felt really bad and began to wonder if I really did have feelings for him (this was before I knew I was on the aromantic spectrum). Eventually, I determined that I truly did not and tried my best to remain his friend. It didn't work out. I began to feel a bit creeped out by him and we have drifted apart. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
UnicornQueen Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Hi! Welcome to AVEN I'll try to make my story as short as possible. 1,5 year ago me and my best friend went to universities in different cities. For 6 years we used to see each other almost everyday and to compensate that we were texting A LOT. It was literally first thing I did when I woke up and last before I went to sleep. I remember one conversation we had about how she felt and I said that it sounds like she's in love. For me it was more like a joke but she took it pretty seriously so we continued that topic. She said she didn't have a crush on anybody but at the on our conversation one thought struck me "What if I'm her crush?!". For next few months there were some hints that confirmed my theory, but I didn't have guts to ask her if it's true. And she didn't confess her feelings. But something in our friendship changed. At that time I wanted to develop romantic feelings for her, because it would be so much easier for both of us. And I started believing in it. One day I told her I thought I had some feelings for her. She was so happy to hear that and I was dying inside. I spent next week crying. Two weeks later we decided to forget about everything that happened and be "just friends" again. But it was different, we stopped texting so much and when we did we were more reserved. After some time we had an argument and it was the end of our friendship. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
zel Posted March 27, 2017 Author Share Posted March 27, 2017 My experience/s feel/s similar. It's all kind of heart-wrenching, really. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aeimquy159 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 I had a friend develop feeling for me. I had to turn them down and it greatly hurt our friendship which ended within a year of that conversation. Falling in love with a friends usually means losing them and losing others in a circle of friends when things go south. 99.9% of all romantic relationships a person has in their life will not work out. I keep that in mind when a friend shows interest. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Th3Absurd1ST Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 Actually, it is the opposite that has happened to me. I developped romantic feeling (heteroromantic ace) for a close friend. I still haven't talked about it with her, but part of this growth of feelings towards her contributed to my questionnings about my orientation. I knew I had feelings for her, but the other guys who also seemed to really like her were after something I didn't understand nor feel (sexual desire). Why could I say I loved her and wanted to be in a relationship with her and yet not WANT her the same way as them? In my last year of high school, back when I didn't know I was ace, Certain friends of my female friends came discreetly to me just to inform me that "she has been waiting for you to make a move on her for 4 years now". I did not notice that some people were flirting with me throughout my teenage years and when I knew that, I didn't care so much, but I was still confused by that. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
zel Posted March 29, 2017 Author Share Posted March 29, 2017 11 hours ago, Th3Absurd1ST said: "she has been waiting for you to make a move on her for 4 years now". So you both had strong feelings for each other. From my own experience, that can actually be the most hurtful, particularly if one is still searching for identity and orientation. Thank you and everyone else for sharing your stories! Actually, I just want to add how much I have a distaste for gender roles, particularly concerning intimate relationships and norms of communication in regards to dating. Which is why I have been reading up on polyamory a lot and -love- authors like Franklin Veaux who emphasize just -fucking- talking about -shit- (needs, desires). Okay, I'mma gonna eat sum cake nao to calm myself. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Th3Absurd1ST Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 I totally agree with you @ZeL on the gender role distaste. Even before I discovered my asexuality, I felt like there was some socially bizarre thing going on and that it had no value outside of this society's dating structure. Why should one sex be entitled to vulnerabilty, to open up on their feelings of love when anyone can have such feelings? About that certain friend, it is not the same one (it might have been confusing, sorry :P). This episode was from a while ago with different people. That close friend I have romantic feelings for is actually someone I've known since elementary school, lost sight of during highschool and we have regained contact a year and a half ago and have been close friends ever since. Both stories are not related: it was just to show my inhability to notice flirt, so I cannot know if that close friend is actually giving me signals or not. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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