Amadeo Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 I saw someone define heterosexuality and homosexuality as persistent patterns of emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction for the opposite and same sex members respectively. I haven't found this definition again. If sexual attraction is defined by the desire for partnered sex + sexual arousal; romantic attraction is defined by the desire for engaging in romantic behavior with someone + arousal, what is emotional attraction? Is it just the desire to engage with someone + arousal? I think I might have emotional attraction... I just feel something for certain girls where I am randomly more excited to be around them, and I get jealous for their attention around other men but not women. I don't feel this with men. Also I can form friendships without feeling these same feelings, that is, if I am excited to be around them, is because of our history and the bond we formed over time, not just their essence, and I am not jealous if they give attention to others. So by these definitions, I would be hetero but a level below aromantic asexual? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Fairly sure that's just liking to be around a certain person and/or a squish. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Allegra Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Not sure if I'm right or not, but I think emotional attraction and romantic attraction may be different ways of saying the same thing, unless you're also including squish-type emotions under emotional attraction? Not saying no one can feel emotional about close platonic friends, but when you talk about feeling emotional towards certain women and feeling a bit jealous when they get attention from other men, it does sound more romantic than squish-y. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Hmm, The way I interpret it is feeling something for someone or something is emotional. I feel emotion when I look at my doggies, family, and to a lesser degree my friends. When I see a really good movie and it strikes me just right. Or a really really good novel or graphic novel. Attraction is the act of wanting to be with that person/object that elicits an emotion. I would like to say that emotional attraction is centered on just positive feelings, but in a lot of cases we can be emotionally attracted to someone/something that elicits negative emotions as well. I think went you want that emotion to lead to something more tangible, you are in the realm of either romantic/sexual attraction. Just my opinion though. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tofer Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 I did a quick search and found two relevant pages in the AVENwiki: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction?title=Attraction http://wiki.asexuality.org/Romantic_attraction On these pages, "emotional" is used as an adjective to help describe three types of attraction (sexual, romantic, sensual). Each of these types of attraction is emotional in a different way. "Emotional" is not used as a type of attraction within the AVENwiki at any rate. However, a general internet search for "emotional attraction" results in many hits, almost all unrelated to the discourse of the asexuality community. So it's up to you whether you want to speak of "emotional attraction." For myself, I would not use it within the asexuality community's discourse because it would represent adding one more "type of attraction" to those already recognized, and I think this would cause unnecessary confusion. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Well this is my personal opinion that im going to say; so not sure if i'm right. I think emotional attraction has nothing to do with arousal. i mean it's more about how we feel regardless of our body or anything else. i mean it's some thing like loving some one beyond any sexual desire; you just love them because you love to hang out with them, spend your time and share your thoughts, feelings and daily stuffs to them. and i suppose having such a this feeling toward someone is not aromantic; it's maybe just asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Amadeo Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Okay, I won't use emotional attraction anymore. Maybe it's romantic... but I never felt the desire to kiss these girls, or hold them by the hand while we walk or cuddle. I just feel like I want to give them my attention and have their attention and I want to be more important to them than the other people around, and this feels like more than just wanting to be friends. Because it arises early when I meet them, like an infatuation. I have a friend that I have grown to love platonically and I don't feel this way. I am wondering if those are like vestigial feelings of if I had been heterosexual and those would be the girls I would be into if I were into girls...? Disclaimer ===== sexual content ======== When I go to bed at night, I wish there was a girl sharing it with me. Mainly, I wish I could cuddle her. But I know if there was a willing girl in my bed, I would want to have sex with her. I just don't know if my body would be aroused. I do masturbate thinking about girls but it takes a long time because I don't actually want it except at the very beginning when the erection is just starting and until the very end where I reach the climax. End of Disclaimer ===================== Recently, I told one of the rare girls I have these strange "squishes" for that I had a crush on her. She is way far now so it was by text. It's not mutual so she ignored it and we just continued talking about other things. But it felt good being on the other side this one time. The thing though is if it had been mutual, I wouldn't have wanted to date her but rather get to know her more. To be fair, I don't know her that much. I am sharing this event because I thought, what if I am just afraid and I don't know it, but the fact that I could tell a girl this, I feel like fear is probably not a problem. It felt good doing this, no fear. Though it was intense. Anyway, this always comes back to make myself question who I am and what I really want. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tofer Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 3 hours ago, Amadeo said: Okay, I won't use emotional attraction anymore. Maybe it's romantic... but I never felt the desire to kiss these girls, or hold them by the hand while we walk or cuddle. I just feel like I want to give them my attention and have their attention and I want to be more important to them than the other people around, and this feels like more than just wanting to be friends. Maybe queerplatonic is the word you're looking for: "A Queerplatonic relationship (or "QPR") is described as a relationship which is more intense and intimate than is considered common or normal for a "friendship", but doesn't fit the traditional sexual-romantic couple model. It is characterized by a strong bond, love, and emotional commitment, yet is not perceived by those involved as "romantic". The relationship may or may not have some elements or degree of sexuality/eroticism at various times, or none..." Read more at http://aromantic.wikia.com/wiki/Queerplatonic See what you think. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 11 hours ago, Tofer said: Maybe queerplatonic is the word you're looking for: "A Queerplatonic relationship (or "QPR") is described as a relationship which is more intense and intimate than is considered common or normal for a "friendship", but doesn't fit the traditional sexual-romantic couple model. It is characterized by a strong bond, love, and emotional commitment, yet is not perceived by those involved as "romantic". The relationship may or may not have some elements or degree of sexuality/eroticism at various times, or none..." Read more at http://aromantic.wikia.com/wiki/Queerplatonic See what you think. It's not queerplatonic if sex ever happens in it. Sexuality invalidates the platonic label (queer- or otherwise), no matter how the act of sex is motivated. Platonic means not sexual (and has been expanded into "neither sexual nor romantic"). This is a further case of the logical corruption on AVEN that has to be decisively put to an end, quickly, before this site becomes more of a joke. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Amadeo Posted March 26, 2017 Author Share Posted March 26, 2017 33 minutes ago, Mysticus Insanus said: It's not queerplatonic if sex ever happens in it. Sexuality invalidates the platonic label (queer- or otherwise), no matter how the act of sex is motivated. Platonic means not sexual (and has been expanded into "neither sexual nor romantic"). This is a further case of the logical corruption on AVEN that has to be decisively put to an end, quickly, before this site becomes more of a joke. I see... I find you very interesting Mysticus so do stay in this conversation. I think I can agree with you. When a person willingly engages in sex, whichever the motivation, they are sexual. Sexuals have many reasons for having sex too. What distinguishes asexuals is their lack of desire for and their lack of engaging in sexual acts.... ? But couldn't you also argue that anyone with a sex drive is a sexual being, and when they masturbate, they can no longer truly be considered to be asexual? Asexuals can only really be people who have zero sexuality in their being. No arousal at all ever. If this is not to be argued, then, asexuality does not so much have to do with sexuality but rather simply with the lack of partnered sex, and specifically not because they can't but because they don't want to. On a different topic, I have had problems with connecting with people platonically. For a bit, I thought I might be schizoid personality because socialization felt like a performance and I didn't miss the people I interacted with afterwards. Reading a forum for schizoid personalities, I realized I didn't identify with their blatant indifference for people. And I also saw this same debate of real and fake schizoids. I never posted there but I assume I would have been a fake if I had. I also read that the greatest marker of rehabilitation for schizoid is the realization that the need for belonging and socializing is engraved in their soul. This realization "cured" me from my "fake schizoid personality." When among people, I reminded myself I was a social being, that I cared for those people. I worked on this part of me and since then, I have built platonic relationships. I wonder if there is such a parallel in the asexual community. I wonder if "fake" asexuals can "fix" themselves by the realization that they are sexual beings in the core as evidenced by their sex drive and their theoretical desire for partnered sex. By this, I am referencing to myself. I think this is my next step, to take this leap of faith, though there are no guarantee it would do anything. But this forum has helped me become more comfortable with not being a sexual being if this is what I am destined to be. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 3 hours ago, Amadeo said: When a person willingly engages in sex, whichever the motivation, they are sexual. Actually no, that's not what I'm saying. Asexuals can willingly engage in sex (e.g. for a partner's sake, to get pregnant the "natural way" etc.) - that's more a question of consent than of desire. What no asexual can ever do is desire sex for its own sake. If someone does that, they are absolutely definitely not asexual. (So, "cupios" are sexuals, not aces). [A]sexuality does not so much have to do with sexuality but rather simply with the lack of partnered sex, and specifically not because they can't but because they don't want to. Exactly. Asexuality = the lack of innate/inherent desire for partnered sex. The bolded word is very much important. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Roardova Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Well, I learned something new today. I tend to emotionally bond with a lot of people & they don't even know it. This doesn't have to deal with my usual energy belief. I tend to dislike, even loathe most humans & that's before they are even in range of sight. I emotionally bond with distaste at first; but it's rare that I engage in emotional bonding with anyone, quickly. It took me two years to open up to the people I was in the army with, just took me two years to open up to my rugby team. It takes a while for me to give what I get. But with my heart having enough space for more people; I don't regret it, but I don't have any emotional bonds that are attached to romantic or sexual bonds. I'm not dating or looking to date right now; those areas of my being are completely closed off. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SamwiseLovesLife Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Personally I tend to think in 5 categories of attraction- Sexual (the desire to have sexual contact with) Romantic (the desire to be in a romantic relationship with) Aestetic (appreciation of appearance) Sensual (the desire to touch/be touched in a non-sexual manner) Platonic (aka squish) Personally I find my attractions tend to be- 0% Sexual, 5% Romantic, 30% Aestetic, 15% Sensual, 50% Platonic Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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