MrDane Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 TMI ...I am the sexual. We have occasional sex, my wife and me. It is for my sake, but most of the times she can enjoy it like a nice massage. Just not to much and not to often and quickies are better. We can kiss and hug, but only if there isnt a sign of a sexual agenda (or that is her interpretation, I migth just give her a farewell kiss) I say to her that I love her. She usually says nothing or answers back with a funny thing 'I love coffee and you are ok!' Or something like that. ...but I know she loves me! (A lot, but during off-sex-season, I tend to forget, since I do not get other affirmations and then I drift into a deppression!) My question is How does your partner show love for you? Link to post Share on other sites
currypan Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 I would suggest you read the book the five love languages. It goes through the five most common ways people show and expect affactions Link to post Share on other sites
sir octepus tea Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 huh good question. I need to think a bit. but like @currypan said, at least acquainting yourself with the theory is a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 @currypan and @sir octepus tea, I just asked about how your partner shows love! Mostly because i wonder about what the difference is between friendship and love! Link to post Share on other sites
sir octepus tea Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 I see. well it´s in several ways, sometimes y´know just joking around and sometimes by being nurturing. like I have eczema, and he reminds me to put some hydrocortisone on it, asking how I´m feeling (though I´m not really one to talk about feelings, if I feel particularly bad one day I´ll say it out of courtesy), or just quietly hugging me when I´m obviously down about something. it´s also bycomplimenting things, like hair color and freckles. lots of physical contact too, mostly cuddling but also long hugs and holding hands. warming me when I´m cold is also pretty common. the difference between friendship and love in my opinion is what you both make of it. like you could be cuddling, holding hands and kissing and all that with a friend, but it´s not romantic unless you both consider it to be romantic. likewise, two people could be in a relationship but rarely talk, only kiss in public to show they´re together. Link to post Share on other sites
currypan Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I see. To me, spending quality time together is important, and we don't have to be doing anything in particular. Neither of us likes talking too much, so just sitting there together or just walking is enough. As for him, he likes being touched. But since I don't like touching, I use him as a cushion, and that was good enough for him. To a very large extend, it is just the warm and secure feeling of having the person around. Yes, my life is pretty mundane, and I like that way. I am not sure if I can answer the friendship vs romantic thing. It is not something I have been really able put my fingers on. Back to you though, do you know how you want to be loved, and does she know? For (a silly) example, if she thinks doing dishes for you is the greatest show of love on earth, but you really want her to kiss you on the forehead every morning, there is a expectation mismatch that can very easily be fixed. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelpie Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 My partner's always there for me, but in a different way than my friends. We cuddle a lot and we are very content to just "co-exist" together, i.e. me watching something and him playing video games etc.. I wouldn't do that with my other friends, our meetings always serve a purpose (going to the movies, going to a restaurant etc.). Also, when I'm sick for example, my partner comes to my house and brings my groceries and vice versa - while I would theoretically do that for a friend, I often do it unprompted just to show that I care for his wellbeing very much. Link to post Share on other sites
Memento1 Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I don't think it would be unreasonable to tell your wife how you are feeling. Just say you would like more affirmation of her love, ask HER how she shows her love, so you can recognize her signs. This isn't something someone else can fix, you two need to talk honestly about it. THAT'S one of the greatest signs of love to me, being able to share feelings openly and honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
SlytherClaw23 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Buys me little useful gifts just because - things that make my life just a bit easier. Back scratches. So many back scratches. Makes an effort to verbalize his feelings, even though it's not something with which he's generally comfortable. This is still a work in progress - but once he understood that it's important to me, he started making a point to do so. Treating me like an equal (I had a long history of abusive relationships prior to this one). Planning on a future together - and when talking about the future, he'll use the word "wife" instead of "girlfriend." We're not currently engaged, but we both assume the relationship is heading towards a fun Vegas wedding. Currently we're thinking the Taco Bell off-the-menu wedding package. Letting me choose what we binge watch half the time Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 On 26/3/2017 at 6:11 AM, currypan said: I see. To me, spending quality time together is important, and we don't have to be doing anything in particular. Neither of us likes talking too much, so just sitting there together or just walking is enough. As for him, he likes being touched. But since I don't like touching, I use him as a cushion, and that was good enough for him. To a very large extend, it is just the warm and secure feeling of having the person around. Yes, my life is pretty mundane, and I like that way. I am not sure if I can answer the friendship vs romantic thing. It is not something I have been really able put my fingers on. Back to you though, do you know how you want to be loved, and does she know? For (a silly) example, if she thinks doing dishes for you is the greatest show of love on earth, but you really want her to kiss you on the forehead every morning, there is a expectation mismatch that can very easily be fixed. Back to me! Yeah, she knows! ...but I'm not sure if she also shows love through her doing the paperwork about income, insurance and taxes and stuff? I think I migth ask her! i like the cushion thing, but I also get that if my 'getting close' makes her uncomfortable since I carry my sex drive with me. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 On 26/3/2017 at 8:53 PM, Memento1 said: I don't think it would be unreasonable to tell your wife how you are feeling. Just say you would like more affirmation of her love, ask HER how she shows her love, so you can recognize her signs. This isn't something someone else can fix, you two need to talk honestly about it. THAT'S one of the greatest signs of love to me, being able to share feelings openly and honestly. Exactly! Link to post Share on other sites
Puck Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 On 3/30/2017 at 2:31 PM, MrDane said: Back to me! Yeah, she knows! ...but I'm not sure if she also shows love through her doing the paperwork about income, insurance and taxes and stuff? I think I migth ask her! Asking is always best, but that's very possible her "love language" if you will! I know I show love for people by trying to take care of them, by helping them out and doing little things. It isn't a traditional way to show love such as buying chocolates or whatever, but me making someone lunch is my way to say "I love you and want you to know I want you to be taken care of!" But do ask, communication is always key Link to post Share on other sites
Lara Black Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Hello, MrDane. It’s a bit of a sore spot for me, because my partner has never told me he loves me. I know he does, but there are times when it takes a lot of faith. I feel his love not so much through his actions (even though he is amazing at supporting me and caring for me), but from the way he looks at me. Every now and then we put whatever we were doing on hold and just look at each other. His gaze is so warm, thoughtful and happy… It might sound corny, but in these moments I really feel how much he loves me and… cherishes me in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 Just yesterday, she talked about looking forward to being with me, when our kids leave the nest! Link to post Share on other sites
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