Question for genderfluid/nonbinary folks

[The-world-is-quiet-here]

How do you describe your sexual and romantic orientations? (ex: ace, bi, attracted to masculinity/femininity, pan, attracted to androgyny, etc.)

 

I know this is AVEN, so probably a lot of people are ace and/or aro.

 

I was looking at some tumblr LGBTQ meeting/dating blogs, and it seems like a lot of genderfluid people identify as pansexual or bisexual. I was curious about that- is it a coincidence, or is it more likely that people who don't identify as a static gender (or a binary gender) are more likely to be attracted to multiple genders?

 

I'm not trying to start a Hot Box topic, but I was hoping we could discuss it.  

[Rynn]

Maybe you could create a poll on that topic, that would give you slightly more data to work with. Not everyone who reads this is going to post, but people are more likely to vote in a poll.

 

panromantic asexual for me

 

I don't know why so many nonbinary folks also identify as panromantic/pansexual, but it's also a mystery to me why so many aces are nonbinary, and agender in particular. These kinds of correlations don't make much sense to me, and I'd really like to figure out why those seemingly random things are related to each other.

[JAKQ7111]

I call myself panromantic and asexual.  I admit that I have a slight-to-moderate preference towards femininity in my romantic orientation, but I don't consider that a hard-and-fast rule at all.  I used to consider myself gyno-romantic for a while, but then I developed a crush on a male friend of mine (actually, I had this crush before, but it was this friend's gender that changed from female to male), and fell in love with a non-binary person at around the same time.  This was new information for me, and I sat with it for a while, and stopped using a label for my romantic orientation, other than simply "romantic".  It wasn't until someone else observed my sexuality from more of a distance and asked me if I was panromantic that I finally adopted the label for myself.  In truth, I wish I were "more" pan than I am, and didn't have the preference that I do, but I can't really change that, now can I?

[Tos]

I'm ace and aro, so those parts are pretty easy to define, haha. I am homosensual, though, which I define pretty literally as sensual attraction to people who are physically the same/similar to me, but not necessarily the same/similar in terms of gender identity.

[SkyWorld]

Interesting observation.

 

Myself, I'm honestly still questioning, but it's between either aromantic or grey-panromantic.

 

As others suggest, I think creating a poll could help you get more data if you're interested.

[The-world-is-quiet-here]

Thanks for all your answers! I almost created a poll, but I couldn't figure out how to do all the words with it. 

 

Maybe I'll make a new post with a poll.  

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

I'm aro and ace, but I don't think of myself as of any particular sex, just 'person'.

[Mychemicalqpr]

Possibly grey panromantic asexual. A lot of nonbinary people do seem to be all or nothing in their orientations, here at least.  

[sir octepus tea]

not really attracted to anyone. since I´m a private person this is the preferred way of describing it, since it´s also the truth. 

[Groovy Teacakes]

I tend to lean towards just calling myself gay or queer to be honest, because it's easier and also I find words like homoromantic and pansexual a bit clinical for my taste. I like the defiance and spirit associated with the words gay and queer better. Currently I have only been attracted to like two people, both of whom were female, so I can't say whether I am bi or pan with any reliability.

 

Figuring out that my gender was in some way queer helped me to realise my sexuality and it seems possible that people who identify as nonbinary are more likely to really ponder on who they are/could be attracted to and realise that their sexuality is more open than they would have assumed were they cisgender. Going down one alleyway of questioning often leads to the other, especially in this direction. Also, if you feel free of binary gender in yourself, then I'd imagine that you're more likely to be open to the idea of being bi or pan. It's possible that more people would realise that they had the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender, if they sat down and thought about it. 

Just some theories, seeing as we don't even know if there is a correlation.

[Tos]

1 minute ago, Groovy Teacakes said:

I tend to lean towards just calling myself gay or queer to be honest, because it's easier and also I find words like homoromantic and pansexual a bit clinical for my taste. I like the defiance and spirit associated with the words gay and queer better. Currently I have only been attracted to like two people, both of whom were female, so I can't say whether I am bi or pan with any reliability.

 

Figuring out that my gender was in some way queer helped me to realise my sexuality and it seems possible that people who identify as nonbinary are more likely to really ponder on who they are/could be attracted to and realise that their sexuality is more open than they would have assumed were they cisgender. Going down one alleyway of questioning often leads to the other, especially in this direction. Also, if you feel free of binary gender in yourself, then I'd imagine that you're more likely to be open to the idea of being bi or pan. It's possible that more people would realise that they had the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender, if they sat down and thought about it. 

Just some theories, seeing as we don't even know if there is a correlation.

I use gay and queer to describe myself a lot, too! Mostly because for all intents and purposes they're pretty accurate, and I don't want to have to explain myself to others every time I get asked what I am.

[ChillaKilla]

Bigender and bisexual. Too bad I'm not biromantic too . I use the 2+ definition. Also, call myself queer, and occasionally gay. I'm a total hypocrite- I complain against bi erasure then I do that

[JAKQ7111]

2 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

Also, call myself queer, and occasionally gay. I'm a total hypocrite- I complain against bi erasure then I do that

You're not the first person I've heard say this, and I honestly have a tough time with it.  I know that it's just a linguistic difference, but when people say it to me, I can't stand it, and will never use that word to describe myself.  To me, "gay" is every bit as inaccurate as "straight" when describing my sexuality.  My gender is so all over the place that I can't even tell which gender would be the "gay" one for me!  I'm MAAB, genderfluid, and on HRT.  Is it more subversive for me to date a man or a woman?  This is a genuine question.

[Emery.]

I identify as queer, because I'm gay leaning bi and "queer" is gay, but also has enough space to move around, some openness and a loosw end, and that's exactly what I am. 

[Finn.]

 

The first nb person I got to know better (than just reading their gender on their tumblr description) is agender and bisexual. And I was sooo jealous that their label was so... uncomplicated. Because bisexual doesn't relate to your own gender, at least it doesn't describe it as male or female. But I was still very fixated on my non-attraction towards men. I played around with terms like finsexual but nothing stuck. "Gay" and especially "queer" felt closest.

Now here I am! It's pretty much like this:

 

11 hours ago, Groovy Teacakes said:

it seems possible that people who identify as nonbinary are more likely to really ponder on who they are/could be attracted to and realise that their sexuality is more open than they would have assumed were they cisgender. Going down one alleyway of questioning often leads to the other, especially in this direction. Also, if you feel free of binary gender in yourself, then I'd imagine that you're more likely to be open to the idea of being bi or pan.

I felt myself to be *potentially* pan for a longer time. Wasn't it actually you (@The-world-is-quiet-here) whom I told about this first? But my pretty settled non-attraction to men felt like cheating, even though gender as a criterion for attraction/dating seemed silly to me. Some more introspection solved this though, and resolving some of my internalized issues with men and masculinity. I'm still working on this.

Not to say I go around yelling I Am Bisexual now, I still prefer the term queer. But yeah, bisexual pretty much fits the bill.

[Guest And Peggy]

I'm a polyalterous (for female and NB people) aroace genderflux person. (Alterous means a bond greater than friendship but less than romance). 

 

I call myself queer because I'm neither cisgender nor heterosexual.

[Dodecahedron314]

Triple-A (agender aroace) with a couple of alterous and genderfluxy question marks that pop up every so often, but not often enough or in a consistent enough fashion for me to put energy into figuring out exactly what to label them.

[AVEN #1 fan]

I use queer as I'm not cisgender nor heterosexual.

 

I Also use hypo-panromantic ace as I like all genders romantically/don't care for gender. Hyporomantic bc my romantic drive is very low.

 

Sometimes I use pluralian ace as I'm part of the bi umbrella.

 

I also use enbian ace,  bc I'm an nb who likes other nbs.

 

 

I also use diamoric ace as I'm an nb who likes binary people too.

[AVEN #1 fan]

22 hours ago, Dodecahedron314 said:

Triple-A (agender aroace) with a couple of alterous and genderfluxy question marks that pop up every so often, but not often enough or in a consistent enough fashion for me to put energy into figuring out exactly what to label them.

I already questioned whether or not I was alterous. Today I believe alterous is a junction of many gray-romantic orientations.

[LassieBee]

I just say panromantic because I'm not sure on my ace identity yet - I think it's demisexual but I'm not sure. I also think that the only people I'm sexually attracted to are boys so maybe panromantic demi-androsexual? Or panro ace for short. I tend to simplify my identities because I'd feel ludicrous saying "I'm panromantic demi-androsexual and demiflux (demiboy and agenderflux)"; panromantic/ace and nonbinary work just as well for most situations. 

[<No longer active>]

before I knew I wasn't cis I called myself pan, but (as shown on the left) I have a definite preference for women...

 

I find men attractive but if I wanted long-term it'd have to be a girl

[AVEN #1 fan]

2 hours ago, rivkael said:

before I knew I wasn't cis I called myself pan, but (as shown on the left) I have a definite preference for women...

 

I find men attractive but if I wanted long-term it'd have to be a girl

I have bad experiences with cis men, as I said I'm pan,  but I don't think I'll most likely end up with a cis dude.

 

i Prefer other genders over men.

[JAKQ7111]

5 hours ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

I have bad experiences with cis men, as I said I'm pan,  but I don't think I'll most likely end up with a cis dude.

 

i Prefer other genders over men.

I'm similar, though not because of bad experiences.  I tend to be more attracted to androgyny or femininity, even in cis men.  My guy type is definitely the "pretty-boy" type.  If anything, I have worse experience with women, since they are the ones who have done the most repeated, aggressive sexual harassment towards me, for whatever reason.  I'm weird, I guess.

[AVEN #1 fan]

3 minutes ago, JAKQ7111 said:

I'm similar, though not because of bad experiences.  I tend to be more attracted to androgyny or femininity, even in cis men.  My guy type is definitely the "pretty-boy" type.  If anything, I have worse experience with women, since they are the ones who have done the most repeated, aggressive sexual harassment towards me, for whatever reason.  I'm weird, I guess.

I feel ya sis, I can't white-knight women either, no matter how hard I try, I'm either not their preferred gender, not their type or we're too different or they expect sex and i dont like it. Dx

 

II also like androgyny and transgenders more, I prefer Trans men over cis men, even tough I don't like men that much.

[ChillaKilla]

1 hour ago, JAKQ7111 said:

I'm similar, though not because of bad experiences.  I tend to be more attracted to androgyny or femininity, even in cis men.  My guy type is definitely the "pretty-boy" type

Woot woot