Asexuals Dating Sexuals

[Leah_leia]

So I've recently come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, asexual. This is something I have pondered for quite some time. When I was younger, I thought I was possibly bi, because I found both same and opposite sex attractive, but as I aged, I realized this attraction was based on aesthetics and was not sexual. I have only ever had sex with my current partner. I have dated before, but because of my morals, i did not want to have premarital sex. I'm still not married, but I'm no longer religious, so I know longer care about this "rule." However, I still don't desire it. The main reason I have sex is to satisfy my partner. We have dated for 5 years now and have probably had sex less than 10 times. I would make excuses for my lack of sexual desire- I don't want to get in trouble, I don't want to get pregnant, I'm tired, etc. I also used to fake it in bed, but after a while, this became dull. Finally, I told my bf I think I'm ace, and he desperately wants to find ways to make me feel good, as he thinks I probably just don't like the things we do, but if only we try something new....I just want him to understand that no, that probably won't help. Not only do I not find anyone sexually attractive, but I also have a low libido I think. I don't even masturbate. Occasionally, I might get turned on when reading a sex article or something of the sort, but as soon as I think "hey, maybe I should masturbate," I feel nothing. It does nothing for me. I want him to understand that I don't mind having sex once in a blue moon to please him, but I get no satisfaction from it myself. My satisfaction comes from knowing he's satisfied, and that's enough for me. Does anyone else have a sexual partner? How does he or she handle this?

[MoraDollie]

Well this can totally work (asexuals and not-asexuals dating). Just let them know from the get-go how you feel about sex and similar activities. I will give a forewarning though: two polar opposite libido levels can really make or break a relationship, so if they are wanting sex much more frequently than you are, this could potentially break the relationship, unless you BOTH are completely ok with polyamorous relationships and you don't mind if they 'get it off' with other individuals. 

[Spades36]

Hey, I'm asexual and am currently in a relationship with a sexual girl (we've been together for nearly two years). For us, the key is really just communication. She respects my boundaries so much and refuses to do things that would make me uncomfortable. She lets me drive our interactions and decide when to take new steps, and it works great. Like you just said, her satisfaction comes from satisfying me, in whatever way that is for me.

 

I'd recommend really trying to be as open as possible about this subject, and encourage questions and discussion about it. For me, all it took was explaining to her that sex wasn't what makes me feel good, but that other things that she could provide do.

 

Good luck! I hope it works out okay