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Who am i?? Really! "a heteromantic homosexual"


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Well, i'm not sure if i should put it in this topic section or not. but here we go.

There is something that really hurts me, mostly because it has been kinda an open question since i remember.

Here's the situation: Romantically, and emotionally i kinda feel heteromantic. But on the other hand, sexually and physically i kinda feel as a homosexual. Therefore i call it even and identify myself as an Asexual.  (they neutralize eachother AAALL the time).

So see?! This is my problem! some times it really gets confusing to deal with such a conflict constantly!!

Is there anyone can give a hand? a help to figure it out?!

 

P.S:

my friends call me a tomboy but i'm really comfortable with my gender and being a girl!!

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How about think really hard on your life experiences until you come to a sensible conclusion. Or just wait it out until the issue resolves itself.

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You can be heteromantic and homosexual. You wouldn't be the only person I know whose orientations don't exactly line up, even if I'm only considering people who aren't ace or aro. If, however, you feel like it would be better for you to call yourself asexual, that is for you to decide. 

 

Good luck!

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Anthracite_Impreza

You can't be asexual and homosexual at the same time; involuntary celibacy isn't the same as having no desire in the first place. Cross orientations are a thing though, unfortunate as it can be for people. I don't have any practical advice for that I'm afraid.

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nanogretchen4

It is possible to have a split orientation. If you actually feel a desire to have sex with women, that sounds more gay than asexual to me, although only you can say what your sexual orientation is. If you simply find women more pleasing to look at or even get aroused by looking at naked women more than naked men, this is pretty common and does not necessarily mean you are gay if you never actually want to do sexual things with other women.

 

Here are some possibilities.

 

1. You could be a heterosexual woman who is not visually attracted to males but may experience responsive desire. This is very common, as is getting aroused by sexualized images of other females. If this is your orientation, you would be compatible with heterosexual men.

 

2. You could be a hetero romantic asexual woman who gets aroused by sexualized images of females but does not actually want sex with anyone. If this is your orientation, you would be compatible with asexual men.

 

3. You could be gay and hetero romantic. In this case, you have to make some choices. Could you have a reasonably enjoyable sex life with a man despite your sexual preference for women? Could you be happy in a committed relationship with a woman you were not in love with if you were good friends and the sex was good? Are you polyamorous?

 

4. You aren't ready to settle on a label yet. You may need some time to question and explore and just see what happens. 

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34 minutes ago, Arvid of Rivendell said:

Here's an article on the subject of different romantic/sexual orientations: http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/07/cross-orientation-101/

I was going to link to exactly the same article, but you beat me to it :)

 

1 hour ago, Melinda21 said:

my friends call me a tomboy but i'm really comfortable with my gender and being a girl!!

Haha, it's not up to your friends! :)

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2 hours ago, timidcat said:

How about think really hard on your life experiences until you come to a sensible conclusion. Or just wait it out until the issue resolves itself.

well, i dont have that much experience to help me figure it out. i mean every time that im about to experience some thing, this conflict comes out and stops me. and honestly, i've been waiting for so long that i think im loosing my best years.

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2 hours ago, Andiamo said:

You can be heteromantic and homosexual. You wouldn't be the only person I know whose orientations don't exactly line up, even if I'm only considering people who aren't ace or aro. If, however, you feel like it would be better for you to call yourself asexual, that is for you to decide. 

 

Good luck!

yeah, but the point is that it's not a matter of just "identifying". i mean it is more about horrible feelings that always confuse me. i mean maybe there are alot of people like me out there, but does it make it ok?!

most of the time i feel i have a disease that couldnt find a cure.-_-  

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2 hours ago, Arvid of Rivendell said:

I second @Andiamo; it is perfectly okay for orientations not to line up, and your identity is ultimately up to you. Here's an article on the subject of different romantic/sexual orientations: http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/07/cross-orientation-101/

yeah, but the point is that it's not a matter of just "identifying". i mean it is more about horrible feelings that always confuse me. i mean maybe there are alot of people like me out there, but does it make it ok?!

most of the time i feel i have a disease that couldnt find a cure.-_-

 

Thanks for the link by the way. im going to check it out.:wub:

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2 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

You can't be asexual and homosexual at the same time; involuntary celibacy isn't the same as having no desire in the first place. Cross orientations are a thing though, unfortunate as it can be for people. I don't have any practical advice for that I'm afraid.

my situation is not involuntary celibacy!

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2 hours ago, nanogretchen4 said:

It is possible to have a split orientation. If you actually feel a desire to have sex with women, that sounds more gay than asexual to me, although only you can say what your sexual orientation is. If you simply find women more pleasing to look at or even get aroused by looking at naked women more than naked men, this is pretty common and does not necessarily mean you are gay if you never actually want to do sexual things with other women.

 

Here are some possibilities.

 

1. You could be a heterosexual woman who is not visually attracted to males but may experience responsive desire. This is very common, as is getting aroused by sexualized images of other females. If this is your orientation, you would be compatible with heterosexual men.

 

2. You could be a hetero romantic asexual woman who gets aroused by sexualized images of females but does not actually want sex with anyone. If this is your orientation, you would be compatible with asexual men.

 

3. You could be gay and hetero romantic. In this case, you have to make some choices. Could you have a reasonably enjoyable sex life with a man despite your sexual preference for women? Could you be happy in a committed relationship with a woman you were not in love with if you were good friends and the sex was good? Are you polyamorous?

 

4. You aren't ready to settle on a label yet. You may need some time to question and explore and just see what happens. 

Great! you just sort it out! Although i have spent my whole life in number 4, but i think i fit more in number 2. And now that's the problem; because i have never seen an asexual man in my ENTIRE life! and knowing that im gonna be alone for the rest of my life, just makes me wonder what can i do to change myself? Should i change something at all??or just admit?-_-

It just hurts!

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Anthracite_Impreza
11 minutes ago, Melinda21 said:

m not involuntary celibacy!

my situation is not involuntary celibacy!

Alright, but you said you're homosexual while being heteroromantic and couldn't see a solution, suggesting you were abstaining from sex at all.

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20 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Alright, but you said you're homosexual while being heteroromantic and couldn't see a solution, suggesting you were abstaining from sex at all.

{sorry, my previous reply was just a double copy-paste; didnt mean to write it twice though ; ) }

by the way, im still working on finding an answer. because some times it seems just "abstaining" and some times it feels like just "not wanting" it.

 

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Anthracite_Impreza
8 minutes ago, Melinda21 said:

{sorry, my previous reply was just a double copy-paste; didnt mean to write it twice though ; ) }

by the way, im still working on finding an answer. because some times it seems just "abstaining" and some times it feels like just "not wanting" it.

 

Alright, why do you describe yourself as homosexual? Is it because you find people attractive? Do you want to be intimate with them? Or something else?

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Arvid of Rivendell
7 hours ago, Melinda21 said:

yeah, but the point is that it's not a matter of just "identifying". i mean it is more about horrible feelings that always confuse me. i mean maybe there are alot of people like me out there, but does it make it ok?!

most of the time i feel i have a disease that couldnt find a cure.-_-

This is probably the hardest part of questioning your orientation - the confusion, the alienation. I honestly don't think there's much I can say to help with those feelings. Just know that there are a lot of people out there struggling with similar issues. A common saying in LGBTQ+ circles is, "feelings first, labels later". Focus on identifying what exactly you are feeling, find ways to cope with the confusion and the idea that you "have a disease" (you don't, I promise, even if it feels like you do), and don't stress over the labels. Make sure you take care of yourself mentally because questioning can be really taxing. 

 

All the best to you. :cake::cake:

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