Tickling Fixation

[Asexy_beast]

So I'm an 18 year old male and I started questioning my sexuality about a year ago.  I acknowledged that I never masturbate and that nudity in fact bothers me and grosses me out.  I avoid looking at my penis at all costs. It feels childish in a way.  I decided to deem myself asexual, as the idea of sex completely grosses me out.  However, there is one thing that can get me turned on: tickling feet.  Since a young age, I've always found attraction in girls' faces and feet, so I can find people attractive.  Whenever I see a girls' bare feet, I want to hold them, massage them, and especially tickle them.  I find it completely repulsive when other dude friends tickle me.  It is to a degree, a nonconsensual sexual act in my eyes.  I would enjoy being tickled by a girl and tickling a girl if they were ok with it.  Instead of sex, I want to tickle. I just love making girls laugh and seeing them squirm. The only times I ejaculate are through dreams where I am tickling a girl's feet.  Eventually, I realized that I have a tickling fetish/fixation and a foot fetish.  I love the idea of uniqueness and all, but I really hate that I have such an odd, unrelatable fantasy world.  I seriously love women with all my heart minus the sex and with foot involvement.  I really do want a relationship and would even consider myself very romantic, as instead if sexual connection, I seek deep emotional connection and love.  I honestly just want to be normal.  I am not saying I hate myself, but I just seriously wish that I didn't have these issues.  I guess I need someone in this world that has the same thing as me, but it honestly feels like I am the only one, which really bothers me.  I don't know how much longer I can handle this feeling of isolation.  I've tried justifying this by saying "it's just a kink, some girls like to be tickled" and "foot fetishes are the most common fetish" and "asexuality is a true orientation." But when I combine all these things together, I realize that I'm just one unique fucking case.  Why couldn't I be in to something normal and more acceptable like public sex or something?  I guess I am just looking for someone to talk to.  I feel like there is something seriously fucking wrong with me.  Like I said, I don't hate myself as there is so much more to me (I study at UC Berkeley, I play guitar, I play soccer, and have lots of friends), but I really wish that I wasn't such a fucked up shit.  I don't really have a purpose for this post except to talk to people.  Reply if you wish.  

[deactivated account]

I only see distraction and despair with worrying about things that can't be helped... though sometimes it's inevitable to go through times like that
Try not to think so negatively of yourself! I found an Allo (Non-Asexual) in the Youtube comments once wishing they were asexual.

They were so in love with the idea of not having to desire sex as if it were something that was needed for survival like oxygen, they considered their desires and urges a burden. and of course, it wasn't such a good thing for them, but it did get me to think of my asexuality in a different and more positive light. i don't know if it means anything to you, but i am so grateful not to have another "need" in my life.

I'm so tired of having to sleep all the time!! do you know how much work and studying i could have done in the time i've been sleeping? >A< my grades would've been so much better ahhh!! and now, >< there are so many fun things i can do with my time instead of sleeping: art, guitaar, piano, stargazing, cooking, crafting, writing, internetting the list is never ending

being unique just makes you more of an interesting person, you have better stories to tell and a different life experience. there is no normal way to be normal heh.

I dunno, would you really really like to have a public sex fetish instead? *chuckle* i'm sure you'd end up in prison 

but really, try not to think so badly of yourself 

 do you like gifs? the cake tradition here is getting a bit predictable for me -o-

[nanogretchen4]

If I understand the situation correctly, you are a socially functional hetero romantic asexual male in one of the most liberal, LGBT+ friendly places in the world. And yeah, okay, you have a tickling and foot fetish. So what? There are many more out hetero romantic asexual females than males right now. You ought to be a hot commodity on the dating market if you can just get the word out that you're available. As fetishes go foot fetishes are among the easiest for a partner to accommodate. It's not painful or illegal or dangerous or expensive, and most people aren't grossed out by foot massages. Some people don't like tickling, but I still think your overall relationship prospects are good if you are prepared to do the work of dating within your orientation.

[Puck]

Don't be so hard on yourself, I understand how you have come to the conclusions you have, but know that they aren't the reality.

 

What you feel is understandable and perfectly acceptable. You aren't strange or weird, you're a human being with a fetish and that's just fine. It may mean you have to work harder than the average bear to find your special someone, and that's why it's so great that you have learned so much about yourself; you know what you like and what you are looking for.

 

I know it feels like a problem you'd like to just get rid of and I'm just a rando on the internet here, but at your age I wish someone had told me to take a deep breath, know that you are heading in the right direction, and focus on the things you can do to help yourself, not things you can't fix (especially when they actually don't need fixing because there is nothing to be fixed).

 

Good luck and I hope AVEN can continue being a resource for you!

[asexyspice]

This sounds a lot like me except I don't have a foot fetish . I have dated guys with it tho and I feel it works very well with my fetish 😜 It's so hard to find someone that feels how I do. Im not into sex I just want to tickle like ,, that's my life idk man. I totally understand you.

[Philip027]

Honestly, you don't even know what the definition of "a fucked up shit" is if you think you qualify for the reasons listed.  These are, from my understanding, extremely common fetishes, not to mention ones that are a lot less likely to get you into trouble than "public sex"

[Frac]

You know what? I am almost exactly the same as you. Except with a different gender and fetish.

 

It helps to realize that it's not fucked up as much as it's just weird. And weird in itself doesn't mean bad.

 

Having said that, even though I'm aware of the inherent harmlessness of my preferences/orientation, I came back to this forum due to a sudden sadness about knowing that I'm not normal and probably never will be. It can be a burden to know that you can never relate with some things that the majority of people experience, but what helps is reaching out to others in similar situations. I hope acknowledging that you aren't alone will help you as well.

[RK800]

Man, you honestly have no reason to be ashamed. So what if you're a kinkster, your interests are pretty damn harmless so I don't think it's anything to worry about. I'd even go as far as to say that your feelings aren't that uncommon. I want you to know that you're 100% valid, and while I don't exactly share your feelings I'm sure there are plenty who do.