LittleGoody2Shoes Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Is it easier to (physically) live as the gender you were born or easier to live as the gender you prefer to be? Elaborate. Link to post Share on other sites
Xenobot Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I would imagine this depends heavily on how much dysphoria you feel, and how accepting the people in your family/social circle are. I was severely depressed due to gender dysphoria, and most of the people around me (luckily enough) were reasonably accepting. I have faced some discrimination/bigotry, but not much. Transitioning turned my life around. In a way it saved my life, because even though I wasn't actively suicidal, I also wasn't able to have a life because the depression and anxiety from not being my true gender was so debilitating. Link to post Share on other sites
Sherlocks Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 18 minutes ago, SunflowerPlanet said: Is it easier to (physically) live as the gender you were born or easier to live as the gender you prefer to be? Elaborate. I have no gender, I have an identity which exists regardless of my gender. Im just very egocentric. Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I don't "want" to be another gender than the one I was assigned at birth. I am that gender. If I tried to keep up the pretense that I am content with the label foisted upon me, I would be utterly miserable and suicidal. Speaking from experience, as I've been in that headspace many times. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I believe you mean sex you were born as, because I've always been agender, I just didn't have the resources to figure it out for most of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest And Peggy Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 since I'm genderflux, to physically live as my gender identity would mean that my genitals and secondary sex characteristics would have to appear and dissapear at will, which isn't possible. (It would be awesome if it was tho xD) If it was, it'd be easier to live like that because I wouldn't have dysphoria anymore, which would be awesome. I also agree with @ChillaKilla about it not being "the gender you want to be" and being the gender that you are. If you identify as a gender, you are that gender. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleGoody2Shoes Posted March 24, 2017 Author Share Posted March 24, 2017 50 minutes ago, CakeSpadeAce said: since I'm genderflux, to physically live as my gender identity would mean that my genitals and secondary sex characteristics would have to appear and dissapear at will, which isn't possible. (It would be awesome if it was tho xD) If it was, it'd be easier to live like that because I wouldn't have dysphoria anymore, which would be awesome. I also agree with @ChillaKilla about it not being "the gender you want to be" and being the gender that you are. If you identify as a gender, you are that gender. 1 hour ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: I believe you mean sex you were born as, because I've always been agender, I just didn't have the resources to figure it out for most of my life. Yes. What I meant was does your gender identity match the physical sex you were born? Link to post Share on other sites
Toothlesss Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I was AFAB..but really, my gender is null and void. There's nothing there where being inherently feminine or masculine empowers me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest And Peggy Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I'm AFAB and genderflux, so for me it doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGrumpyBear Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 1 hour ago, CakeSpadeAce said: since I'm genderflux, to physically live as my gender identity would mean that my genitals and secondary sex characteristics would have to appear and dissapear at will, which isn't possible. (It would be awesome if it was tho xD) That would be pretty awesome. Less bits in this meatsack that I have to pilot around all the time? Sign me up! Link to post Share on other sites
Andiamo Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 My gender definitely doesn't match my assigned gender. If I were cisgender, that would be easier. Seeing as I'm not, though, pretending that I'm female is way worse than allowing myself to be agender, even when I'm not out to those around me. Of course, the ideal situation right now is with my close friends in college, who all know I'm agender and are completely fine with that. That makes it easiest to be around them out of everyone in my life. Was that even the question? Link to post Share on other sites
shrugemote Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I guess when I was cis, I kept having episodes of dissociation and I was just uncomfortable with myself, but that largely went away when I came out as nonbinary. However, being nonbinary is no walk in the park either when it comes to finding people you relate to and feeling comfortable acknowledging your identity in front of others. That's true for me personally anyway. Also, even though I'm confident that I'm nonbinary, I wish I had a more specific label that I could use. My gender seems to be fluid and it fluxes a lot, so I'm in a perpetual state of discomfort and uncertainty about myself. That certainly isn't easy. The times when I was happiest with my gender were the times when I had a lot of constant support from people like me. When you have that, it's easier to be your authentic self. I sorta get the question because it's very difficult to transition (emotionally/socially/physically/in any way) but I feel like people will say it's easier overall to be their true selves. Cause lying to yourself about who you are and trying to be something you aren't can hurt a lot more. Link to post Share on other sites
Starfall Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 @CakeSpadeAce I have sort of the opposite problem. I'm gender fluid, and I'd be much happier if my sex organs just disappeared permanently, but I don't think that not having them would affect those times when I feel as though I have a gender. It would definitely be difficult, but I think I'd be happiest with no sex organs, and presenting as agender, with the option of putting on traditionally female clothes for those rare times when I feel female. Link to post Share on other sites
Random Happenstance Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 5 hours ago, SunflowerPlanet said: Is it easier to (physically) live as the gender you were born or easier to live as the gender you prefer to be? Elaborate. well, i was born as (as much as anyone is born with a gender), and am, non-binary, so that's definitely easier to live as? i guess there are reasons i might prefer to be a woman, since being cis (i'm afab) would reduce the things i have to deal with. but i wouldn't be me, and my gender is very much a part of 'me', so i definitely prefer to live as the gender i was born as, even if that means coming out (constantly), and medically transitioning. and so i don't have a preferred gender. i feel though like you probably mean, is it easier to pretend to be the gender you were assigned at birth, or to not pretend and live as your actual gender? in which case pretending to be what i was assigned at birth is definitely harder, it's unlikely i'd have come out otherwise. though it does make social dysphoria worse with people i know, and ignorance more concerning, it also means i can transition, and experience people actually starting to respect my gender, which is nice. being out, i have hope for the future in that regard rather than a distinct emptiness about it. although i never really pretended to be a girl before, just sort of accepted what people said of me without complaint. Link to post Share on other sites
Sherlocks Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Im a beautiful prince that is romantic and charming and nothing can change my mind Has nothing to do with gender its just what I am Link to post Share on other sites
Kelpie Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I'm not particularly comfortable with my assigned sex. It's ok at some times and less ok at others... but also, I don't want to change because I feel connected to my body, which doesn't represent my gender - at least for me.. it's difficult to explain. But I would probably be happier if I just felt like a woman, the dysphoria can be pretty difficult sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Transition was absolutely necessary for me. I tried every excuse I could find to declare myself "not trans enough" and evade the vulnerability of doing something so visible, but dysphoria was on the verge of ruining my life, sucking me dry of all my passion and ambition. If I didn't seek treatment, dysphoria would have killed my inner musician, essentially leaving me a husk of a human being. I don't want to know if I would have gotten low enough to self-harm or take my own life. I'm still fighting in my battle against dysphoria, but social/medical/legal transition has already done so much for me. I feel alive Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I could've absolutely continued living as a guy. But at what cost? And what kind of quality of life? And honestly...for how much longer? To keep living that way I was hacking off parts of me that were dying and eventually, there wouldn't have been anything left. While I still struggle immensely with dysphoria, at least I'm not being dragged down all the time. I transitioned as soon as I could. And it was already pretty late. I lament every day that I'd been essentially sleepwalking through my life for the past 15 years or more. At least now I feel natural and like my life is worth living. Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 There is no wanting involved, only being. I was assigned female at birth but that identity isn't my own, it's foreign. Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Huh? Want? It's pretty irrelevant, I am who I am... Link to post Share on other sites
CaptainKay Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I mean, it would probably be more convenient to live as a female, like I wouldn't have to change my name, no T injection, no binding, my family wouldn't be ticked at me, I wouldn't have to ask people to use they/them pronouns, etc, etc. But it definitely wouldn't be easier. Pretending to be female and presenting as a feminine person was the hardest thing I've ever done. Coming out as neutrois was the best and worst day of my life. Does it suck that my family doesn't speak to me anymore? Yeah. But do I love presenting as a gender neutral person and being called by my chosen name and pronouns? Definitely. I mean, I honestly couldn't live as a woman. It wasn't a matter of if I decided to come, it was when I decided to come out. I seriously hated myself so much when I was pretending to fit in as a woman. I hated dressing feminine, I hated being feminine, I hated it when people saw me as feminine. Even now, I feel bogged down by dysphoria a lot of the time, but gosh, it's so much better. Looking in the mirror, seeing a gender neutral person...it's an amazing feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Ah, this way. Then being your authentic self is easier obviously, even if there are challenges on the road to get there. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleGoody2Shoes Posted March 26, 2017 Author Share Posted March 26, 2017 15 hours ago, CaptainKay said: I mean, it would probably be more convenient to live as a female, like I wouldn't have to change my name, no T injection, no binding, my family wouldn't be ticked at me, I wouldn't have to ask people to use they/them pronouns, etc, etc. But it definitely wouldn't be easier. Pretending to be female and presenting as a feminine person was the hardest thing I've ever done. Coming out as neutrois was the best and worst day of my life. Does it suck that my family doesn't speak to me anymore? Yeah. But do I love presenting as a gender neutral person and being called by my chosen name and pronouns? Definitely. I mean, I honestly couldn't live as a woman. It wasn't a matter of if I decided to come, it was when I decided to come out. I seriously hated myself so much when I was pretending to fit in as a woman. I hated dressing feminine, I hated being feminine, I hated it when people saw me as feminine. Even now, I feel bogged down by dysphoria a lot of the time, but gosh, it's so much better. Looking in the mirror, seeing a gender neutral person...it's an amazing feeling. I'm happy for you that you feel brave enough to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 On 24/03/2017 at 8:34 PM, Emery. said: Huh? Want? It's pretty irrelevant, I am who I am... totally this. Link to post Share on other sites
swirl_of_blue Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 For me it is easier and actually pretty much the only option to live as my biological sex, as I don't identify as either gender very strongly and it would not be right to transition into male either. Some sort of "partial transition" is not legally possible, so I have to choose either one to live as. I can only modify my expression and try to make people think of me less as a woman and more as just a person. However, my feelings about gender are constantly changing (sometimes several times a day), and sometimes I feel more agender, sometimes slightly masculine and sometimes even a bit feminine (though this is something I am almosta always very uncomfortable with). Most of the time I feel like I should not have the secondary sexual characteristics of either biological sex (except a beard. I want some hair on my face!), but I'll make do with what I have. Sometimes I may feel like I should have all the characteristics of both sexes at the same time! All this somehow makes the easiest option for me to just stick with my birth sex and hope they will be less stereotypies and gender roles in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleGoody2Shoes Posted March 26, 2017 Author Share Posted March 26, 2017 1 hour ago, swirl_of_blue said: For me it is easier and actually pretty much the only option to live as my biological sex, as I don't identify as either gender very strongly and it would not be right to transition into male either. Some sort of "partial transition" is not legally possible, so I have to choose either one to live as. I can only modify my expression and try to make people think of me less as a woman and more as just a person. However, my feelings about gender are constantly changing (sometimes several times a day), and sometimes I feel more agender, sometimes slightly masculine and sometimes even a bit feminine (though this is something I am almosta always very uncomfortable with). Most of the time I feel like I should not have the secondary sexual characteristics of either biological sex (except a beard. I want some hair on my face!), but I'll make do with what I have. Sometimes I may feel like I should have all the characteristics of both sexes at the same time! All this somehow makes the easiest option for me to just stick with my birth sex and hope they will be less stereotypies and gender roles in the future. This is entirely the way I feel. I just wish there weren't so many assumptions made about me and other women simply because we live in a female body. Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 born female , want to be agender . I hate my boobs and periods . And also my shapeless body (fat hips included) I practically look like crap . I am okay with the female pronouns though (cause I dont care about pronouns) . But man , I wished people dont keep assuming I am lesbian or transgender or whatever without even asking me . Honestly I think it is easier to represent as agender than female . Cause 1) most of my clothes are of agender style I do have a few pieces which are female in nature but I dont really wear time sometimes I do 2) I hate wearing skirts and blouses 3) People will just think I am androgynous and that dont bother me (Cause I wear jewellery and jewellery are almost marketed to females all the time) so yeah . I cant force myself to be more feminine . I have leaned towards agenderism a lot in the recent years . I have jeans but they are never enough and I own guys joggers which are so comfy thank god . they are amazing . I threw out my super short ripped shorts lol Link to post Share on other sites
CaptainKay Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 6 hours ago, SunflowerPlanet said: I'm happy for you that you feel brave enough to do this. Thank you!! Link to post Share on other sites
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