Lorna81 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I've recently been figuring out my aromantic identity and one of the points of confusion has been that, although I don't 'get' romance, I do fall in love in a 'friendship only'/queerplatonic way. I've seen it mentioned in a few places on this forum that if a person falls in love it suggests they are romantic. In relation to my experiences I'd like to put forward a theory that falling in love doesn't necessarily mean one is romantic and that it's possible to fall in love in a queerplatonic way. By falling in love in a queerplatonic way I mean the following - *Wanting to be friends with X more than any other friend *Wanting to be friends with X forever As opposed to the following, which I'd associate with romantic love - *Wanting to kiss, cuddle, hold hands etc. *Wanting to be girlfriend/boyfriend, boyfriend/boyfriend, girlfriend/girlfriend etc. *Wanting to get married Do you think this theory holds? Has anyone else fallen in love in solely a queerplatonic way? Link to post Share on other sites
Diamond Ace of Hearts Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I have, kinda. The biggest heartbreak I've had was when a friend of mine dumped me, the way I loved her fits your model of queerplatonic love. But I also think I would have asked her to marry me at some point, in a queerplatonic life partner way, so my experience overlaps somewhat in your model.. But would I say I was in love with her? Not especially. Love, true love, love at first sight: All Romantic concepts, but not - I feel - exclusively reserved for romantic love. Falling/being in love with? I still see that as romantic. But that's just one guy's opinion Link to post Share on other sites
cinary Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Yes, you can definitely love someone in romantic and platonic way. But for me falling in love is a strictly romantic phrase. Link to post Share on other sites
Appalachian Sprite Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 I agree with loving someone in romantic or platonic capacities, but like @cinary said, falling in love is something I consider strictly romantic. It describes the sensation of being out of control because sometimes it can be like freefall. Between hormones and changes in brain chemistry, there is an element of irrational thinking, possessiveness, and desire to be close forever that I've never experienced to the same extent with friends. Example: Yes, I have friends with whom I am exceptionally close where I've felt hurt when they don't have enough time to spend with me, but it doesn't sting the way it does in the early stages with a romantic partner. Link to post Share on other sites
cinary Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 3 hours ago, Appalachian Sprite said: falling in love is something I consider strictly romantic. It describes the sensation of being out of control because sometimes it can be like freefall. Between hormones and changes in brain chemistry, there is an element of irrational thinking, possessiveness, and desire to be close forever that I've never experienced to the same extent with friends. Very nicely said. That's exactly what I was thinking about. Link to post Share on other sites
SamwiseLovesLife Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 On 23/03/2017 at 8:39 AM, Lorna81 said: I've recently been figuring out my aromantic identity and one of the points of confusion has been that, although I don't 'get' romance, I do fall in love in a 'friendship only'/queerplatonic way. I've seen it mentioned in a few places on this forum that if a person falls in love it suggests they are romantic. In relation to my experiences I'd like to put forward a theory that falling in love doesn't necessarily mean one is romantic and that it's possible to fall in love in a queerplatonic way. By falling in love in a queerplatonic way I mean the following - *Wanting to be friends with X more than any other friend *Wanting to be friends with X forever As opposed to the following, which I'd associate with romantic love - *Wanting to kiss, cuddle, hold hands etc. *Wanting to be girlfriend/boyfriend, boyfriend/boyfriend, girlfriend/girlfriend etc. *Wanting to get married Do you think this theory holds? Has anyone else fallen in love in solely a queerplatonic way? I agree with your theory. I've never been in love but I am confident of my ability to fall in love with a Squish or in a QPR. I don't think I would ever fall in love in the romantic sense as I have never felt real romantic feelings for anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Not sure. When I was younger I found myself trying to force crushes to happen... like legit staring at a decent looking boy and try to rip a butterfly out of its cocoon. Then later on, very recently, I tried looking at a friend or two, thinking about them really hard trying to rip a... I guess... moth out of its cocoon. Still not happening. As for the theory... I'm not sure. I have a friend who for her entire life has been searching for a "best friend" just like she's been waiting for a Disney style romance to gently glide onto her doorstep. Often when she meets someone new, she'll freak out if they go a weekend without contacting her and she'll think their budding friendship is ruined. For both cases of falling in love, it really seems like the person who's falling expects a great amount of emotional and social support. They become a necessity, pretty much, and to the person observing it all happen it can seem like they've lost their minds so.... I suppose the theory stands. Link to post Share on other sites
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