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time and relationships


forgottendreams

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forgottendreams

In addition to being asexual and polyamorous, I am also an empath, so I often develop very fast connections with people and sometimes just clicking with someone can really spiral something.

How fast going into a relationship would be considered too fast?  This is kind of a personal question for people just out of curiosity and wanting thoughts.

I met someone a little less than a month ago and we clicked almost immediately when we started talking, and now I feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with them and they have told me the same - it's not something I really think I've felt romantically before, even in my past relationships. (The person is also poly, though not asexual, but willing to keep even more of an open communication to make sure that we are both happy and comfortable.  Nothing is official yet but here's to hoping I guess haha)

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I'd say every person and every relationship is different and it depends on the people concerned and how they relate. I have heard of 'love at first sight', for example, although I've never experienced it. I'd say if you both think you want to spend the rest of your lives together, go with it. As you get to know each other more deeply, this feeling may strengthen or fade. As far as I'm concerned there are no rules for how fast or slow a relationship 'should' go. I have a friend who's an empath, so can see how that might give you deeper insights into the other person's feelings and a deeper emotional connection than non-empathic folk,

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I know of someone who got engaged after 3 days, so there's that.

 

I am not open for having a romantic relationship because I don't see any additional benefit compared to a friendship, so I can't offer any advice on that one. Personally I don't believe in love at first sight. (I believe in a rush of hormones at first sight though :D (blergh!)). I also think that relationships of all kinds need to grow, no matter how much it clicked right away. (I know that click thing, though. It's a good start IMO, nothing more)

 

The question shouldn't be "What is considered too fast?" but "What do you consider too fast?". If you feel comfortable calling whatever you have going on a "romantic relationship" or a "friendship", go for it.

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I don't understand what "too fast" could mean at all, in a normal context, where everybody keeps their own home.

Labeling a perceived emotional bond seems pretty irrelevant to me and waiting to do something that feels right in that moment makes little sense in my eyes.

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I agree with Lorna. There's no set rules.

My mistake in the past is not taking my time to know the other person before entering a romantic relationship, which caused a lot of heart break, frustration, anger and confusion between the both of us. With hindsight, I am more cautious about who I choose to be romantically involved with (and the friendships I make too). I also like to consider the "honeymoon phase", which I like to call the blind phase. Where in the early stages you are in absolute awe of the person and tend to ignore behaviours or traits that you would usually dislike and not tolerate. 

What I have learnt from past experiences is it does not hurt to take it slow in relationships. Although, if you are both comfortable with going at a certain pace, then go for it while keeping communications 100% open.

 

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4 hours ago, .lannah. said:

My mistake in the past is not taking my time to know the other person before entering a romantic relationship, which caused a lot of heart break, frustration, anger and confusion between the both of us.

 

I relate to everything @.lannah. said but this one part really stood out to me. I've been in three relationships. Two of those times, it was a relationship with a friend I'd known for 2+ years. I'm still on good terms with both of them and am still best friends with one of them. The third person was someone I had just met 2 months prior to dating. We really clicked, and I was amazed at how quickly I developed a crush on them and how quickly those feelings were reciprocated. Long story short, it turns out that we had conflicting personality traits and values, and the relationship was going way too fast for me to communicate my feelings well. That's the only time I've had completely cut off communication with someone I dated, and I mean we've blocked each other on everything. It caused me so much emotional damage. 

 

That isn't to say that relationships can't work out if you haven't known the other person very long. I totally agree with the other comments in this thread saying that relationships can work all different ways for different people. As long as there's healthy communication and everyone involved is feeling good and comfortable with it, it'll probably go well!

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SamwiseLovesLife
On 23/03/2017 at 8:33 AM, Homer said:

Personally I don't believe in love at first sight. (I believe in a rush of hormones at first sight though :D (blergh!)). I also think that relationships of all kinds need to grow, no matter how much it clicked right away. (I know that click thing, though. It's a good start IMO, nothing more)

I definately agree with this- 'Love' at first sight seems to me impossible, love is a myriad of things which can't be created on a first meeting. Lust at first sight sure, attraction, etc also.

Yes, all relationships need to grow, it's the growth that keeps it from becoming stagnant :)

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GallantlyBecca93
On 3/23/2017 at 9:47 AM, .lannah. said:

I agree with Lorna. There's no set rules.

My mistake in the past is not taking my time to know the other person before entering a romantic relationship, which caused a lot of heart break, frustration, anger and confusion between the both of us. With hindsight, I am more cautious about who I choose to be romantically involved with (and the friendships I make too). I also like to consider the "honeymoon phase", which I like to call the blind phase. Where in the early stages you are in absolute awe of the person and tend to ignore behaviours or traits that you would usually dislike and not tolerate. 

What I have learnt from past experiences is it does not hurt to take it slow in relationships. Although, if you are both comfortable with going at a certain pace, then go for it while keeping communications 100% open.

 

Agreed. My most recent relationship was like this. I've been going through some new and horrible anxiety and now I'm stuck all by myself. It's partly my fault for rushing into a relationship right after I moved. 

We had good times, but the longer we were together the more obvious our differences were. 

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GallantlyBecca93

Side note though, anyone else TERRIFIED when someone you know gets engaged after dating less than a year? 

Ive seen it work out, I know the data predicts a decline in divorce but HOLY CRAP it gives me so much anxiety 

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